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Confused and not sure what to do..

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Confused and not sure what to do..

Postby Confusedgirl28 » Tue May 08, 2018 7:04 pm

To begin with I am seeking professional counseling on Thursday.
My husband of almost 7 years I believe suffers from DID. Our counselors last week officially labeled what he does as diassociation... however they haven't said full DID yet.
We have been having a rough few months and things have been escalating I think due to him being triggered in counseling.
At times when he is angry I am unsure how he will act. I have been locked in the basement before, he's not spoken to me for days to weeks at a time because he was mad. I cannot rely on him as if he switches to the angry man, he refuses to help with anything. It's to the point where I leave the house if he is in angry mode as I no longer feel safe. While in angry mode his over reacts when our children don't listen, he may throw things across the room... (hence why I leave so that no one will get hurt).

I am considering leaving for a while, while he gets help. I am also concerned about his instability (he can be a child, and adult or and angry teenager). I never know which one I will come home from.work or which one we will wake up to.... this of course has caused me to have anxiety issues and stress related medical issues.

I guess what I want to know is what would u do? Also does anyone have any info on emotionally abused children?
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Re: Confused and not sure what to do..

Postby Terry E. » Thu May 10, 2018 4:12 am

Okay I think you are asking two things.

Some insight of where he is and where he may be going

Some help with resources for understanding child abuse survivors - if so try this

https://www.blueknot.org.au/

The Blue Knot Foundation, formerly know as the Australian Association of Child Abuse Survivors, is world recognized for its resources. Check out the resources area, there is a huge amount of stuff there, most of it clinically reviewed to ensure it is not just some student putting together their PHD. Please take time reading it.

Can I ask how old are your children?

Do you have family nearby?

Is there any friend who can support you through this ?

If I knew what he had been through I could give better advice. In some ways it does not matter as we all damage differently. Two children put through horrendous abuse and one becomes an abuser and one becomes a supporter of the abused. Why different I could not really say.

Now some general advice from where you are for you.

I am sweet and cuddly compared to many who have been through what I have, but my marriage is not what it should have been like and looking back there is nothing I could have done differently. I had certain triggers and living with another survivor those triggers were always going to be there. Given time we care about each other, but there is a wall between us that I do not think will ever come down. Having seen me in my dissociate state, at times positive, defending the family, she will never ever feel fully safe because as she says, I don't really know you. Also that at times I have shown I am very happy by myself, she wonders why I don't need her.

There is something else many of us say here and that you can only get better if you do it. You can get counseling, drugs whatever but we must be willing to change and force change. We often get trapped in our pain and just go around in circles.

Check those resources and find some resources for yourself, so you get the support you need.
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Re: Confused and not sure what to do..

Postby Confusedgirl28 » Fri May 11, 2018 4:28 am

So I was officially told today that my husand does have DID. We are unsure what happened to him as he doesn't remember anything younger than age 12.

Our children are 3 & 5 years old.

They will be working with my husband a lot more frequently to help make him more stable.

I do have family and friends to support me.. however I have been told by the psychologist that he will probably continue to have more frequent angry outbursts due to the poking they are having to do to find out what the trauma is.... I have been told it may be wise to separate while he deals with some of it in case he does become violent, in order to keep our kids and i safe. I will still have contact with him and will continue to love him as he deals with the things from his past. :) He needs space to deal with it without the kids and i interfering... Will it be hard? Yes, but it will be worth it. My biggest concern is keeping us safe... but I also want him to know I still love him very much and that I won't be gone forever... just until he's a little more stable to where we can live safely in the same house.
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Re: Confused and not sure what to do..

Postby Terry E. » Fri May 11, 2018 10:55 pm

That must be extremely hard but with young children you do not want to continue the cycle.

I commend you for your sacrifice and courage. Wish more young children had mothers with your strength.

use your resources friends etc look after yourself and take care.
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