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trying to leave

Open Discussions About Domestic Abuse.

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trying to leave

Postby tiny450 » Fri Dec 01, 2017 6:05 pm

I have been trying for 6 years and working with various agencies including the local domestic abuse shelter which is so over crowded they are expanding.It is suppose to house 13 women and children right now they are at over 50.In the meantime my husband is an abusive alcoholic since his sister was murdered 6 years ago.He refuses help and it is getting progressively worse.Why not pack it in and leave you ask? 1) I have a medium size dog that is registered as an emotional support animal( compliments of the medical community who encouraged me ) 2) the economy 3) my conscience which combined with everything else has given me an ulcer.Example I wanted to go to my daughters for Thanksgiving 2 hours away..all by myself with the dog.My conscience kicked into full roaring mode and my ulcer became so bad I was bent over from pain.So I compromised and said he could go along if I drove (because of his drinking).All he did was sit off by himself drinking.Well my conscience stopped roaring,my stomach settled down.I also receive counseling once a week.I realize the people trying to help me are getting frustrated but so am I with myself .I also should include my diagnosis of severe depression and anxiety made worse by all the abuse.How do I basically turn off my conscience when dealing with him?The religious community comes at you from one angle ,the agencies from another,the medical community from another,police from another..I just wish they would all work on the same page to help.Thanks for any input :shock: :( :cry:
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addition to trying to leave

Postby tiny450 » Fri Dec 01, 2017 7:22 pm

In addition to my last post he has threatened to burn the house down if I leave,he is quite capable of anything if he is drunk enough.He also through his employer took out $64,000 in life insurance on me which is based out of state with the same company his sister had life insurance through.The DA could not stop the payout as the laws are different in that state.I was attending al-anon but every time I in-cooperated the program he got ballistic so they told me for my own safety to stay away for a while until I can afford a lawyer.The domestic abuse shelter has an advocate but all they do is walk you through the paperwork you are left to "fight your own battles".I was also told by the advocate I could not get a restraining order because of no physical harm to me by him..which is why I need a lawyer to protect me and my house.The pro-bono people do it only for criminals in this county, I have tried and lawyers all want $4000 minimum for a retainer here.So why not take out a home equity loan?Last year without my knowledge he used the house as collateral for a $718.32 loan from a cash store I did not find out about it until we refinanced the house.So there is where the extra money went to pay the interest.Another reason for a lawyer.Plus every lawyer I have talked to because of his threats have advised me and the dog to disappear for a about 3 months..for my own protection...it gets worse but I think you get the drift..still any input would be greatly appreciated :( :shock: :cry:
tiny450
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Re: trying to leave

Postby Terry E. » Sun Dec 03, 2017 9:48 am

First can you insure the house ..

Can you get a caveat on the home. How could he borrow on it without your signature. Is there any way you can stop this in the future.

He does not need AA he needs grief counseling..is any available, would he go

Eventually you may need to run. Start making contingencies. Build a war chest.

I do really feel for you but do not have much more.
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Re: trying to leave

Postby tiny450 » Fri Dec 08, 2017 7:07 pm

The house is insured but as the agent said "they do not cover arson"or "stupid".I do have a crisis bag .He did borrow without my signature.I am trying to get a lawyer for that reason and the others.It is great to know and comforting to know they are wonderful members of this who actually care.Thanks for the input I appreciate the support and understanding.
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