Our partner

I keep physically abusing my boyfriend- HELP!

Open Discussions About Domestic Abuse.

Moderator: Terry E.

I keep physically abusing my boyfriend- HELP!

Postby virgo424 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 3:07 am

I have been with my boyfriend for about 6-7 months now. Starting at about our 4th month together, I started to get physical with him when we would get into arguments., he knows how to push my buttons really well, I just kind of let him get the best of me. I'm very angry at myself, for my behavior, but recently I've been beginning to feel a lot of resentment towards him for some reason. I know I'm the one with the problem, and he never strikes me back, he normally just pushes me away. But when we start calling each other names, thats when it usually happens, cause he knows exactly what to say or do.

For example, last night we were trying to sleep, he got turned on and tried to come on to me, but I just grabbed his hand and held it instead of letting him do anything sexual with me. After he realized I wasn't in the mood, he lets go of my hand grabs his covers and turns around in the bed, making sure he has no physical contact with me. I later wake him up, I LIGHTLY tapped him on the arm, in a sort of soothing way, and he wakes up and yells WHY WOULD YOU ELBOW ME LIKE THAT! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM! and begins to call me names. When I try to explain myself and tell him he's crazy if he honestly thinks I elbowed him, he dismisses me and calls me a bitch. He then starts to crack his knuckles which he knows I HATE!! while I'm trying to fall asleep, he continuously does it right next to my face, even though I have told him about 4 times to stop. It makes me so upset that he does it because he knows I don't like it, thats what ticks me off the most and something inside my head clicks and all I see is red. The next time he did it, purposefully, I ended up kicking him in the back, he got upset and threw a heavy decorative pillow at my face which was so heavy the back of my head hit the night table and I have a slight bruise on my eye. he drove off, I locked myself in the bedroom.
We both constantly try to work it out after all these fights and arguments we've had, I just don't know what to do anymore... This is my first time posting, not sure what I should expect. I just want someone to talk to as I tell no one about this, not even my closest friends.
virgo424
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Nov 14, 2017 2:39 am
Local time: Tue Jul 14, 2020 9:50 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: I keep physically abusing my boyfriend- HELP!

Postby Terry E. » Tue Nov 14, 2017 11:08 pm

Okay .. if the sex is good and that is what your relationship is about, then this sort of stuff can work. Not saying it is good, and that had better be great sex, but there are relationships like that. Do you push his buttons because the make up sex is so great or do you just find it easy to irritate each other.



And I am not sure about other arguments, but that one was purely about control, ... so not good if you have dreams of him being the one..

Anyway not sure that this looks like a long term relationship, so just be careful, make sure there are no possible spectators to this in the future (children).
Terry E.
Moderator: Consumer
Moderator: Consumer
 
Posts: 1723
Joined: Wed Aug 28, 2013 2:22 am
Local time: Wed Jul 15, 2020 4:50 am
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: I keep physically abusing my boyfriend- HELP!

Postby virgo424 » Wed Nov 15, 2017 1:27 am

Terry E. wrote:Okay .. if the sex is good and that is what your relationship is about, then this sort of stuff can work. Not saying it is good, and that had better be great sex, but there are relationships like that. Do you push his buttons because the make up sex is so great or do you just find it easy to irritate each other.


So the sex is pretty great. He especially thinks so. I don't think I do it because the make up sex is so good, even though it is. I rather it be more stable, but we both get easily irritated due to the fact that we are always together, work together, sleep together. He gets especially cranky when it is close to bed time, or when he's cleaning the house, just constant complaining about leaving paper towels on the counter, or little things like that, even though I do most of the cleaning. So I get upset when he points out and complains about me being messy, mostly because when I clean the entire house, he'll come home and instantly ruins all the work I've just done, but I don't complain, I just pick it back up.

Terry E. wrote:And I am not sure about other arguments, but that one was purely about control, ... so not good if you have dreams of him being the one..


Control on who's end? Mine or his? or both?

Terry E. wrote:Anyway not sure that this looks like a long term relationship, so just be careful, make sure there are no possible spectators to this in the future (children).


I would like it to be long term, because when things are good they're great. I am currently seeking counseling, but its moving very slow and I would like to resolve this issue. I notice when I don't care, and I mind my own business, we fight less. I just expect a lot out of the person I chose to be my boyfriend. I have kind of a reputation to be "too much".
virgo424
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Nov 14, 2017 2:39 am
Local time: Tue Jul 14, 2020 9:50 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: I keep physically abusing my boyfriend- HELP!

Postby Terry E. » Thu Nov 16, 2017 10:14 pm

Counseling is good, working together is real tough. is that a long term thing, as it is very hard on a relationship.
Terry E.
Moderator: Consumer
Moderator: Consumer
 
Posts: 1723
Joined: Wed Aug 28, 2013 2:22 am
Local time: Wed Jul 15, 2020 4:50 am
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: I keep physically abusing my boyfriend- HELP!

Postby realityhere » Mon Nov 20, 2017 1:36 am

" I notice when I don't care, and I mind my own business, we fight less."

I couldn't help but notice this remark you made. Make a practice of this philosophy and the relationship can work. As with a leopard, try to realize you cannot change the other person's spots but do acknowledge that he has positive things he brings to the table too.
We don't delete posts, so think twice before clicking "submit".
realityhere
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 2636
Joined: Thu Feb 19, 2015 10:31 pm
Local time: Tue Jul 14, 2020 9:50 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Domestic Violence




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests