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Abusive sister

Open Discussions About Domestic Abuse.

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Abusive sister

Postby bluedaisybelle » Fri Sep 08, 2017 4:17 am

Hi I'm a first time user and I wasn't really sure where to turn to but when I found these forums I wanted share my experience and hopefully get some advice.

I'm 19,female and for most of my life my elder sister who is now in her late twenties (9 years of an age gap between us) has been manipulative and abusive to not just me but my family as well. I think the reason I'm writing this now is because after a very violent outburst from my sister tonight I felt a rush fear and anxiety that I hadn't felt in a long time.

When I was younger my sister would be aggressive to not only me but towards my mum and other sister too. If me or anyone ever did anything to upset or cause her frustration she would scream,kick doors and throw a tantrum and sometimes still does. She sometimes would get violent and attempt to hurt me and my other sister. There were times where I would become so afraid that I would run off and hide until her anger would subside and even still to this day I do this.

My sister is very good at getting what she wants. If she ever wanted something she would always make me get it for her and I would because I would be afraid to say no. I recall many times where if I didn't as she said exactly she would verbally assault me and threaten me. Even now if I do something wrong that upsets her I will get an angry message on my phone from her.

She would constantly call our parents idiots and selfish and can barely tolerate the sight of them. She would tell stories of how they did horrible things to her. My mum and sister would have arguments over the legitimacy of the stories and both parties would mock and sneer at each other until one of them finally gave in.

When my sister went to boarding school she changed a lot. She became obsessed with wanting to have the same as the other girls in her year.She would compare herself to the other girls and say how she wished she could live the same lifestyle as them. She also would always go on about how she wanted to live in a big fancy house and how are house was disgusting in comparison. Sometimes when she would be home during weekends she would tell me about her plan to take her own life. As a child I remember this upsetting me greatly and still does to this day. Later when my sister went to college she had a mental breakdown and cut herself off from all her friends and even us for a time.

When she finally came home she became bed bound and refused to leave. When she had cut herself off from the family and her friends she started cutting herself on her wrists and her knees and continued to do so when she came home. I asked her one day why she was cutting herself and she said it was to get back at our parents. Sometimes when she would get angry at me she would cut herself and show me the wound saying it was my fault.

That was nearly five years ago and to this day my sister is still bed bound and is unable to move on with her life. My sister refuses to go to a councilor or a therapist and my parents are unsure of what to do.

Some days are better than others and when my sister is in a good mood I can feel at ease but if she is in a bad mood the whole family feels it and we have to accommodate her.

As I'm writing this I feel my hands shake with fear and my mind racing a mile a minute. I'm hoping to get some advise and maybe some insight on how to cope better.
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Re: Abusive sister

Postby Wally58 » Fri Sep 08, 2017 1:45 pm

If she is harming herself and there is evidence of wounds, perhaps there can be a mental hygiene arrest? Although it would be much better if she would go voluntarily.
My sister lives a bitter, isolated and alcoholic life. She has been admitted to hospital a few times and we always hope that she will enter rehabilitation and try to get better, but she keeps checking herself out of hospital at the earliest opportunity.
Best of luck to all of you. :D
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Re: Abusive sister

Postby Terry E. » Mon Sep 11, 2017 3:32 am

You don't need your sister to go to counseling, that only works if people WANT to go.

Why haven't your parents gone to counseling or sought professional help. There appears to be issues there that are sucking the life out of those around her.
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Re: Abusive sister

Postby realityhere » Sat Sep 30, 2017 6:56 pm

Your disturbed sister is holding the family hostage and responsible for all the problems in her life. When the sister throws a hissy fit, the typical reaction is to cave in to her demands, and herein lies the problem, the lack of firm boundaries with this family member when the demands start.

Terry E. is right, only YOU and your parents can change the dynamics of this relationship, as your sister is unlikely to seek professional help for her issues. Professional counseling can be of enormous support and help in dealing with a toxic relationship.
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Re: Abusive sister

Postby quietgirl2538 » Sun Oct 01, 2017 1:44 pm

It is hard to say just block her on your phone when she lives in the same house as you. I really don't have any advice but to tell your mom and dad to do their job of protecting you, because you are unable to since it's their home. But you have a say so in this home as well. Always remember that, it's not just her house, it's yours and your parents home as well. If I was the mom, I'm not really sure what I would do, but something would need to be done in order to get some control over my own home. That's for sure. I'm very angry for you that she does all this to you and your parents. She needs to be set straight. I'd like to see any other person put up with her shenanigans. They'd throw her out of their home instantly as soon as she started up with her controlling and manipulative behavior.
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