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Is this normal or am I going crazy?

Open Discussions About Domestic Abuse.

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Is this normal or am I going crazy?

Postby Shovellady » Wed Jul 26, 2017 12:43 am

I'd been in an abusive relationship for over a year. I thought recently the behaviour had stopped and my abuser seemed like a new man since we found out I was pregnant..he was so happy and helpful but a month ago he attacked me again choking me and shouting at me unprovoked. I called the cops and requested he gets professional help but he has ignored me since as if I don't exist. He lived in my house but he took most of his stuff and left before I could even speak to him. Some of his stuff is still here, I have no one but my mother who I'm staying with but shes busy most of the time. I have been lonely confused and suicidal since this happened. But what I'm concerned about is my recent behaviour towards it. I have been going back to my house to check everythings okay since no one is currently staying there, but when I get through the door its like I'm in denial.

I walk in and start crying automatically, but I quickly wipe the tears away and start cleaning and doing the things I used to do when my abuser was there. I talk out loud as if hes there, asking why he did this to me. I oick up clothes he left and fold them or wash them as if hes coming back. I set out his shirt for work as if hes going to need it. I make tea for two people even though theres only me. Sometimes I visit my house just to get away from everything and do this. I know this sounds crazy, it is the sort of thing grieving people do when someone dies. I don't know how to stop it, I can't get over this and I feel insane. As for the pregnancy, I can't connect with the unborn baby and I pretend this isn't happening. I'm having nightmares about the abuse every night. What do I do? Am I completely insane...is this some sort of weird stockholm syndrome?
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Re: Is this normal or am I going crazy?

Postby Terry E. » Thu Jul 27, 2017 3:18 am

Takes time. You are grieving for a life lost. For the life you had hoped you had, and for the lifer you hoped you would have. For the life you hoped your unborn child would have. Every one is different. There are so many versions of normal.

I think what you are doing in some ways may be therapeutic.

Are you still working ??

Where are you planning on living after the child is born ??

Do you have any friends you can download on ??

You say, your house ?? Does he own any of it ??
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Re: Is this normal or am I going crazy?

Postby lynsey1986 » Thu Sep 28, 2017 8:11 pm

Terry has it exactly right there, you are grieving for the life you lost. But maybe it was really more of a dream than a life.

I was in what I thought was the perfect relationship for 3 years, then our son was born and he changed overnight, literally. He went out to celebrate, got very drunk and never sobered up again. Ten years later he was killed in a motorbike accident (drunk) and I'm sad to say that it was a great relief to me, and what's even more sad is that his death was of no interest at all to his son. The story in between was not pretty. As hard as it is on you just now - and believe me I do understand the pain you must be in - what you had is not what you need in life. You will find your way with your child and it will be better without him, because all he would ever do is bring you down to his level and you are better than that.

My son is 31 now, living with a lovely girl. He is a great father to her 2 children from a previous relationship (they don't see their father) and their own baby. I know without a doubt that if his father had been G's life, he would have been a terrible role model and G wouldn't be the great father he is now.

Hard as it is to believe right now, I think one day you will feel you had a lucky escape. I know I do.

I wish you all the luck in the world

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