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Nobody has the right to abuse anyone else, ever.

Open Discussions About Domestic Abuse.

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Nobody has the right to abuse anyone else, ever.

Postby Butterfly Faerie » Wed May 17, 2006 3:50 pm

Many women think or believe, that if they are not being physically harmed by their partner, then they are not being abused. This is far from true. If you are in a relationship which is draining something from you... you might not have recognized that your partner is eroding your self-esteem and happiness through verbal, mental, emotional and other forms of abuse.

The following is a list of ways to tell if someone is abusing you without physically touching you:

Discounting: Does the abuser ignore or disparage your feelings? Do they put down your feelings? Do they dismiss you with statements such as, "you're too sensitive" or "you don't have a sense of humour" or "you're just taking it wrong"?

Withholding: Does the abuser stop speaking to you when they're displeased? Do they ignore you? Do they withdraw affection in order to punish you?

Countering: Does the abuser tell you you're wrong if you don't agree with them? Do they argue against your every thought? Do they tell you your feelings are wrong? Do they tell you that you don't know what you're talking about? Do they forbid you from having your own opinions?

Ridicule [Verbal Abuse Disguised as Jokes]: Does the abuser make fun of you? Do they ridicule you regarding subjects about which you are particularly sensitive? Do they seem to enjoy it? Do they accuse you of not being able to take a joke? Do they use sarcasm to put you down?

Blocking and Diverting: Does the abuser change the subject when you try to bring something up? Do they divert serious discussions by accusing you of various things?

Accusing and Blaming: Does the abuser blame you for everything that goes wrong? Do they accuse you of hurting them when you tell them your feelings? Do they accuse you of having affairs? Are they jealous?

Trivializing: Does the abuser belittle what you say? Do they dismiss your feelings or accomplishments? Do they insult you when you express pride in your own abilities? Do they act as if your work is no big deal?

Undermining: Does the abuser squelch your enthusiasm with insensitive comments such as, "You wouldn't understand", or "You'll never make it"? Do they sabotage your ideas by pointing out all the ways in which they might fail? Do they interrupt you when you need time alone?

Threatening: Does the abuser threaten you, overtly or covertly? Do they threaten you with violence? Do the threaten you with emotional pain? Do they threaten you with knives, guns or some other weapon?

Name-calling: Does the abuser use vulgarities to insult you? Do they call you cruel names? Do they use terms of endearment with intense sarcasm?

Forgetting: Does the abuser make a promise and then "forget" to keep it? Do they pretend not to remember certain incidents or discussions? Do they pretend not to remember prior agreements?

Ordering: Does the abuser order you to do something instead of asking? Do they demand things?

Judging and Criticizing: Does the abuser find fault with everything you do? Do they tell you that you "ought to" or "should" do things a certain way?

Denial: Does the abuser deny that certain things happened? Do they tell you that they didn't say something, or that you never saw something occur?

Abusive Anger: Does the abuser erupt into a rage when they are angry? Do they scream, yell, or shout? Do they hurl obscenities? Does their body language become more aggressive? Do they stomp, strut, hit things, or hit you? Do they become red in the face? Do they throw things?

Do they physically get in your way, or follow you from room to room? Do they snap at you? Are they usually irritable? Does all of this usually take place in private, when you are alone? [It's a sure sign things are escalating if the abuser attacks you in public.] Does the abuser blame you for their anger?

This information us from the websites Heart 2 Heart (Canadian Survivor Site) & orignally from a survivor site called Maia's abuse survivor site.
Butterfly Faerie
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Re: Nobody has the right to abuse anyone else, ever.

Postby Ada » Thu Oct 03, 2013 11:14 pm

There is some discussion of this post in this thread-

We think too much and feel too little.
 More than machinery, we need humanity.
 More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness.

Charlie Chaplain in The Great Dictator
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