Questions for both DID folks & DDNOS's

1. Do you have alters? If so, how did you discover them/how did they make themselves known to you? Also, are they distinct, clear-cut personalities or are they more amorphous? (or both?)
Yes. Our Alters made themselves known to us in early 2017, following a mental health hospitalization, a single one at first then more in succession. They are both distinct and more amorphous avatars (the word we use to describe them) of more distinct Alters. The 'avatars' seem to be focused on a specific trauma during a specific time of our life.
2. How would you describe your system and the way you operate? How is it decided who will be "out front", or is that a conscious decision?
We describe ourselves as an 'autonomous collective' and, although Daria seems to be the Host Prime, other Alters tend to come 'online' depending on external stimuli, with the caveat that we can call upon some of the stronger Alters such as Pixie or Aloysius when they are needed.
3. In your system, is it usually one part who has control at a time? Or does there always seem to be some sort of overlap/co-nsciousness / "blending" ? (or both?)
We count ourselves fortunate in that we are, for the most part, co-conscious with our selves, with some notable exceptions.
5. Is it always clear to you who's "out"?
We think it is clear to us around 85% of the time.
6. Do you have a gatekeeper? If so, what are his/her/its functions?
If we do have a gatekeeper, and it's not entirely clear that we do, it would be Aloysius/Ligella, who are able to separate themselves from emotion and see things on a purely logical and analytical level.

7. Do you "switch"? If so, could you describe what this feels like/how this takes place? Is it obvious when it occurs?
We switch and would say that unless someone knows us very well indeed, they will not likely notice a switch. Prior to our true acceptance of our multiplicity, we would only notice that our emotions had, for example, become suddenly very child-like while in someplace such as Toys 'r' Us or Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom. Now that our self-awareness seems to be somewhat better we tend to become disoriented about our surroundings for a thankfully brief period of time. Very strong emotions can accompany this as can what we call, 'intrusive memories'. At its worst we may not know who we are for a brief time. We also have been known to switch during a flashback which is no fun whatsoever.

8. Do you have an "internal world"? If so, when and why was it created?
We have Castle Sanctuary and a Fallout Shelter, both designed in therapy for the purposes of self-soothing and an attempt to fulfill the goal of “bringing parts to present day and to help them know the time of danger is over” (we are quoting our T).

9. Do you think your DID/DDNOS stems from an attachment issue related to a primary caregiver?
We have documentation detailing the severe neglect (to the pont of 'failure to thrive' and 'malnutrition') and abuse we suffered during our formative years.

10. What confuses you about having DDNOS (versus being officially "DID")?
Nothing.

brandic wrote:
1. Do you have alters? If so, how did you discover them/how did they make themselves known to you? Also, are they distinct, clear-cut personalities or are they more amorphous? (or both?)

Yes, as far as we know right now there are 5 of us total all pretty unique from one another.

brandic wrote:2. How would you describe your system and the way you operate? How is it decided who will be "out front", or is that a conscious decision?

Currently that's something I'm trying to figure out. One of our alters specifically seems to be a major contributor to that decision though

brandic wrote:3. In your system, is it usually one part who has control at a time? Or does there always seem to be some sort of overlap/co-consciousness/"blending"? (or both?)

Mostly one at a time but we are working on trying to have a better knowledge of what's going on even of we aren't out front.

brandic wrote:5. Is it always clear to you who's "out"?

Not yet

brandic wrote:6. Do you have a gatekeeper? If so, what are his/her/its functions?

I think so? She seems to regulate who is in control and is definitely nurturing and caring towards all of us.

brandic wrote:7. Do you "switch"? If so, could you describe what this feels like/how this takes place? Is it obvious when it occurs?

Yes and at least for me I don't usually notice until I'm back up front I don't know how it is for everyone else though.

brandic wrote:8. Do you have an "internal world"? If so, when and why was it created?

Yes, we created it in therapy and it has really helped all of us in connecting.

brandic wrote:9. Do you think your DID/DDNOS stems from an attachment issue related to a primary caregiver?

No

1. Do you have alters? If so, how did you discover them/how did they make themselves known to you? Also, are they distinct, clear-cut personalities or are they more amorphous? (or both?)

Yes. I discovered the first one by accepting an uncomfortable feeling that came up, and commenting about it in my head instead of pushing it away. A girl's voice suddenly said, "You talked to me! You talked to me! You never talked to me before!!"

Some are clearcut and becoming more and more distinct. I think ones that are amorphous still feel like "me" or like part of another alter. I don't know enough about them.

2. How would you describe your system and the way you operate? How is it decided who will be "out front", or is that a conscious decision?

There seems to be a team of three that handle most of the day-to-day stuff, with a few others pitching in for other things. I have no idea how it was decided in the past who would be out front, but now I'm trying to be more aware of who is out and trying to think ahead to see if the most appropriate part can come out to handle whatever is coming next.

3. In your system, is it usually one part who has control at a time? Or does there always seem to be some sort of overlap/co-nsciousness / "blending" ? (or both?)

I think one part usually has control at a time, but there is a lot of co-consciousness, and other parts can observe or pitch in or chime in at times.

5. Is it always clear to you who's "out"?

No, although I'm trying to notice it more as I become more aware of the differences.

6. Do you have a gatekeeper? If so, what are his/her/its functions?

If the gatekeeper can control what the surface looks like to the outside world, then I wonder if I'm the gatekeeper. I haven't figured this out yet.

7. Do you "switch"? If so, could you describe what this feels like/how this takes place? Is it obvious when it occurs?

Yes. It feels like a different part moving to the front and then that's the one whose feelings and actions are happening and who thinks they are "me." It's only later, when I'm a different "me," that I will realize that I was different before. But then that current "me" considers itself to be me. I'm starting to put names to those different "me"s while they are actually out, but it's very new to be aware of that.

8. Do you have an "internal world"? If so, when and why was it created?

Not one that I'm aware of yet. There seem to be dark areas with slime pits where many littles are stuck and alone. I think I need to spend some time creating an internal world to help bring everyone into the same place and the same time.

9. Do you think your DID/DDNOS stems from an attachment issue related to a primary caregiver?

Absolutely.

10. What confuses you about having DDNOS (versus being officially "DID")?

I'm "officially" DID, but have very little amnesia (at least that I'm aware of so far). I think that having distinct parts/alters should be enough for the diagnosis rather than having it also depend on the presence of amnesia.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:8. Do you have an "internal world"? If so, when and why was it created?

Not one that I'm aware of yet. There seem to be dark areas with slime pits where many littles are stuck and alone. I think I need to spend some time creating an internal world to help bring everyone into the same place and the same time.

Hi to S.P. Maybe you can build a playroom. You can get the other people to help. The ones who are already away from the slime. And put lots of comfy furniture and toys and stuffies there. And Pooh books are always good.

MD Kids

MakersDozn wrote:

Hi to S.P. Maybe you can build a playroom. You can get the other people to help. The ones who are already away from the slime. And put lots of comfy furniture and toys and stuffies there. And Pooh books are always good.

MD Kids

Hi MD Kids!
Thanks--that's a great idea. It just seems like a big task and something I'm not used to--I'm not sure how to keep it stable and consistent as a place after I work on creating it--where to put it, how to find it. There is resistance coming from somewhere--I probably need to understand that first. Someone is undoing anything that I start to think of. Oh, bother.

Well here is another thing. We also built a Stomping Room. Which you can also throw rotten tomatoes or anything else messy and gross. And it cleans itself too.

So maybe any mad people who don't want a playroom could have a room to throw stuff. Or use both rooms. Cuz some of us are like that.

MD Kids

1. Do you have alters? If so, how did you discover them/how did they make themselves known to you? Also, are they distinct, clear-cut personalities or are they more amorphous? (or both?)
Yes. Our system includes myself and 6 alters (making us a system of 7). They all showed up over a period of 8 years (from ages 6 - 14). Everyone has their own name, appearance, gender, and species (I have non-human alters). The order they showed up in is: Sarabi, Akane, Saggita, Anime (very soon after Saggita), Kuroneko, and finally Flair.
Of those the two with the most notable differences in when they arrived were Akane, Kuroneko and Flair. Akane didn't have a name when he showed up (he did have an appearance though), but eventually he picked a temporary name and ended up keeping it. Flair originally didn't have a name or form, she was just a personality that existed. Over time she gained a form and picked a name for herself, but she was the only one to not have a form when she appeared. Kuroneko (Neko for short) was originally two alters, adult 'Kuroneko' and little 'Koneko', who later on merged into one alter that was originally just called 'Neko' but eventually took back the 'Kuroneko' name. The original two alters had very different personalities, but when they merged into one we got the Kuroneko we have now. They also looked different but similar, like an adult and child version of the same person, but took on Kuroneko's appearance when they merged. Before they merged they were also the only personalities that weren't co-conscious with anyone.

2. How would you describe your system and the way you operate? How is it decided who will be "out front", or is that a conscious decision?
Right now we're still getting used to switching and communicating, but we're getting better at it. We mostly discuss who will be out before a switch, but there are still times this doesn't happen. like I said, we're still learning how to best run our system.

3. In your system, is it usually one part who has control at a time? Or does there always seem to be some sort of overlap/co-consciousness/"blending"? (or both?)
We are almost always co-conscious. Unless we actively choose to keep the others from watching/listening or we choose to not watch/listen we are very rarely not co-conscious.

5. Is it always clear to you who's "out"?
Oh yes. Since we are co-conscious a lot of the time (and haven't had any new splits for almost 7 years now) we always know who is out when, who is watching, who is listening, etc. But I don't always know what they're doing if they aren't paying attention (example: Someone is bored of what I'm doing outside so they go somewhere in our inside world to do their own thing and I don't know what they're doing).

6. Do you have a gatekeeper? If so, what are his/her/its functions?
We do not.

7. Do you "switch"? If so, could you describe what this feels like/how this takes place? Is it obvious when it occurs?
Originally it wasn't so obvious when it occurred because whenever it did whoever was out still had to pretend to be me (and some got really good at it). But now that I acknowledge everyone in here they are more often able to be themselves more when they're out because we are deciding when to be out most of the time now (instead of just someone being in charge whenever).
As for how to describe how it feels. I'm not really sure how to describe it. I don't know if I can. But I can describe the process we currently use to do so. Originally when we switched we didn't have much control over it, it was just whoever was 'in front' that came out. Now, thanks to the help of our mate who also has DID, we were able to separate the 'front' of our inside world with a glass wall with curtains and a glass door. This way when we want to switch whoever we want in control goes in the 'room' (the area the wall separates from the rest of our inner world) and is able to take control. The curtains are our way to best control when the others can/can't watch/listen.

8. Do you have an "internal world"? If so, when and why was it created?
Yes. It's still pretty bare for us (for many years just having 6 floating platforms in a black void). But, once again with the help from our mate, we were able to make more things in our inner world (like the glass wall mentioned, as well as a couch that was recently added). We plan on working on it slowly over time so we have more than just a few objects in a black void).

9. Do you think your DID/DDNOS stems from an attachment issue related to a primary caregiver?
Yes. I don't want to say any more than that.

I've been told I'm in the NOS range according to my psychologist. I too lose time (but only sometimes, and since I'm often alone it's hard to tell how frequent that is).

1. Do you have alters? If so, how did you discover them/how did they make themselves known to you? Also, are they distinct, clear-cut personalities or are they more amorphous? (or both?)

I honestly don't remember a particular moment. I feel like it's always been like this for me. Even as a small child I recall people telling me I played "pretend as another person" a lot when it seemed odd that I couldn't remember. My dad was concerned, but my mom wouldn't hear it, and claimed it was an over-active imagination.

As for how they are, the answer is all of the above.

2. How would you describe your system and the way you operate? How is it decided who will be "out front", or is that a conscious decision?

For now, I know I have three main ones. Parts have come and gone throughout my life. They never seem to permanently leave, but rather they go away for a while.

One is a child. She doesn't really talk other than noises. She tends to come out when I am extremely anxious about something, or if there's been something that has reminded me of a trauma. She prefers sitting on the floor, does things in cute ways to convey that she isn't ignoring people. Mostly though she does very little other than mindless things that allow her to zone out.

My boyfriend figured out that a good way to snap me out of her personality is to seem confused about something that required me to explain it. My voice changes, and I sound adult again pretty much instantly though my head is in a fog for a bit.

Two are opposites. One is calm and reserved while the other is manic and impulsive. The manic one comes out when I'm alone for long periods. That one is terrifying. The reserved one calms out if there's a serious thing that needs done, but the host isn't in a good headspace for doing whatever the thing is.

None of them seem to have names anymore (they go by my name) except for the child who my boyfriend named Mar Mar because that's a sound she makes that's the closet thing to talking.

None of the present ones in front talk to one another. (though there have been those who have). They do know of one another though.

I feel I should also mention I do have bipolar, but I don't feel that's all this is due to systems I've had previously. I feel I'm more or less getting "more whole" but still working on it.

3. In your system, is it usually one part who has control at a time? Or does there always seem to be some sort of overlap/co-consciousness/"blending"? (or both?)

There hasn't ever seemed to be a blending for me, however I could say the ones I have now could be a blend of many previous ones. For whatever reason I basically am one then another. Some I know vaguely why (like the child persona). Sometimes I don't even know I did it in the first place. I seem to be remembering more, because I haven't had my bf tell me about how I said/did something when I didn't remember it at all. I know he wasn't gasslighting, because he showed me writing, texting, and emails from me. It was pretty terrifying.

Seems like question 4. went missing.

5. Is it always clear to you who's "out"?

Most times, but I don't have control until something shakes me back into place.

The child one is the only one I know how to normalize from. Not sure how I switch back to and fro from the others.

6. Do you have a gatekeeper? If so, what are his/her/its functions?

Doesn't seem so no.

7. Do you "switch"? If so, could you describe what this feels like/how this takes place? Is it obvious when it occurs?

I tend to feel swimmy, foggy and a lot like the alter is fighting it. Best case scenario is they become annoyed that they're no longer in the pilot's seat so to speak.

8. Do you have an "internal world"? If so, when and why was it created?

Yep. It's very very detailed. Technically I have several with one that's the most expansive. What can I say? I was alone a lot, and told not to be around others a bunch. Now I'm never alone.

There are more in my system here, and they talk to one another. They don't come out though they have before. I haven't been told of it happening recently at least.

9. Do you think your DID/DDNOS stems from an attachment issue related to a primary caregiver?

Yep, and how they wouldn't let me have friends like a normal kid. My mom has Muchausen's by proxy as well as PPD, and kept my dad on a strong dosage the wrong meds to make him incapable of properly taking care of me.

I had a ton of messed up kids I went to school with too. Basically I constantly needed to escape.

10. What confuses you about having DDNOS (versus being officially "DID")?

I don't think there's anything that confuses me about it. I'm glad they seem to have merged into being a small number rather than the seemingly countless number I had. I wish I could remember more, and control my switching.