alter with stockholm syndrome (may trigger)

So I have a newly found alter ( I knew she was there but she was hiding) that has stockholm syndrome. She split when our abuser became very sadistic as we got older (compared to at first when he was 'nice'). She now knows he was a monster but still loves him. (He is dead thank god.) At first she was very mad at us for 'ruining' their relationship when we told at 11 years old, she says she is over that now.

We were taught wrong things by the abuser ( I will not use the other word as it is gross to me) and the abuse went on from the time I was 18 months to 11 so I understand how this happens and I am just offering her our love instead of this monsters but she is very hurt.

Any similar experiences or advice? We are integrating to the core right now so I hope she will join the core where she can feel real love.
Thankyou
Rosie et al

I just want to say that I am so very sorry to hear that you all grew up around that kind of person... We understand how you feel. When I was very young, from what I can remember through others, I was seeking attention from men much older than me because that was what I was taught to seek from men at a young age. I don't know for sure if I was sexually abused at the ages that I was exposed to sex in general, but I was forever scarred by whatever it is that was introduced to me at that age. So much so that I believed "love" was always equal to sex and pain.

When my "virginity" was taken, I had no way out of it, and even though I was clearly forced into it I felt that it was what love was supposed to be. Multiple times with the same person, as painful as it was an confusing at the age I was at, I thought that I had to love the man who did those things to me. I even felt like I wasn't allowed to leave him because he was my "first". After I finally got out of the abusive relationship I realized that it was harmful to think that way. Some part of me felt that all those times of abuse, throughout the years, was done out of love by the men. In all reality they were predators, not lovers to me. I was seeking an emotion that was traded for love from the start. But that doesn't make me a bad person, or your alter for feeling the way she did.

She will in time feel what love really can be. It shouldn't hurt, or confuse her anymore. She may need a lot of reassurance and help because of what she/you experienced but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I wish the best to all of you!

thank you for the words. i had a similar phase when i was quite young, looking for older men. i have little to no memories of that time but i have a diary. its disturbing. there was a lot of going out looking for an abuser replacement under the guise of looking for love. i almost wonder if this one had a big influence in that behaviour. i think for this alter it is easier for love to equal pain than it is to think that he did not care about us (which he most certainly did not). i agree this does not make her bad, just hurt. she however is feeling like it makes her bad.

i seem to always have a sexual protector linked with a child/victim. this little one is a sexual protector trying to protect the rest of the system from what happened to the little one she hides. she needs my gratitude and i will give her time to heal and be patient. it seems whenever the trauma is really bad, the sexual protectors end up as almost allies to the abuser 'its not so bad. we love him. he loves us' or 'its your fault, your bad'. they seem to absorb the message of the abusers. i think its to minimize the trauma to the rest of the system. or it could be their job to protect the the system from those messages. whatever the reason they really really need love. its so painful for them to realize what reality is and then to deal with the shame of what they consider to be complicit behaviour. i just call it victimization and manipulation by a very evil predator.

Wishing you the best

It totally is manipulation, if not brainwashing by predators to create those thoughts! We were very young when I started getting these people attracted to me... I think that at some point we were just kids, just looking for what was going to make us feel safe and cared about. Then at some point people prayed on us because we did have a broken background and have an easy target on our faces. I had to admit it but there were many times when we were looking around on-line in chats, watching the men talking to other youngins and easily finding friends, and we wanted that kind of attention because like she said sexual feelings were always equal to acceptance/love. That's not true!!

Wow.. Um yes, she's right there. It's a brainwashing effect for children to have abusers push the confusing thoughts on them. She does need lots of love and I know you all can give that to her! In their eyes, to be cast aside by an abuser because they did not care for the child's well-being is almost more painful than to just take the abuse. It's a very painful and confusing ordeal for any child to have to learn about intimacy and "love" at such a young age by abusers who only want to harm instead of "love".

But aside from that, there is a bit of hope to know that it isn't happening to you all anymore. There will be some lingering pain, but now you're all safe. I hope that she can feel even the slightest bit better if she knows that .

(Sorry for rambling and switching I'm very split up at the moment.)