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Dealing with obsessive thoughts from one alter; lockup?

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Dealing with obsessive thoughts from one alter; lockup?

Postby NicS » Mon Nov 21, 2022 1:39 pm

Haven't posted here in nearly 8 years! First post, appreciate any help.

I have an alter, C., who is singularly responsible for a lot of our anger and obsessive thinking. He was very obsessed with a now ex-friend, to the point that even my therapist threw up her hands in exasperation with him talking about this person, as in "Why are we talking about this guy again?"

The problem I (Nic, core/host) face is that:
1. He is closely tied to me, and often slips out front without anyone noticing because we are fairly similar.
2. He refuses to change, and actively puts our life on hold for hours or days on end because he simply does not want to do anything. His ideal life, as far as I can tell, is sitting on the couch and letting others take care of him.
3. We have learned ways to have him relax inside, but he refuses to go inside because he wants to control the body. But again, all he does with this control is be lazy, and he will take over totally at random and begin depressive obsession thinking, usually about this ex-friend from our past.
4. C. has an ability to conveniently forget anything he wants to repeat in his vicious cycle. He will rant angrily about something, then forget he ranted about it, and repeat. And after multiple versions of this, each time the rant subject is the most important thing on the planet and we MUST get this out of our system, he remembers the general topic, but never anything that was resolved, so the cycle repeats.

My therapist simply isn't helping me with this anymore, and I've struggled with maybe finding a new one who could help. We are still doing important work on what she calls "The Wounded Child", but effectively most sessions feel like spinning wheels because C. refuses to heal or change his ways, and instead actively fights to make things worse it feels like.

Is there any solutions, other than just locking him up inside? How could I do that? He is impairing my mental health. I fall into depression simply because he is nearby and refuses to go back inside, and it makes it that much more difficult to go to work each day or do any personal projects. He makes me want to just sleep, and sometimes he has suicidal thoughts that are quite fleshed out because of the repetition and forgetfulness, the gist being "I don't want to be alive anymore because doing anything sucks." How do I just stop him and this thinking? Plus any other notes on anything else above. Thank you!
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14 Daniel 13 AlexBrandon
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Re: Dealing with obsessive thoughts from one alter; lockup?

Postby ViTheta » Mon Nov 21, 2022 1:54 pm

Hi Nic,

I am sorry you are going through this. I wish I could offer insights into how to handle C better; however, my system has a similar problem with one alter who doesn't want to change and who has been toxic to everyone else. Unfortunately, we ultimately had to lock him away. He still finds ways to, occasionally, assert influence, but he cannot front. This actually means that the host at the time (right now that's Vi) doesn't get to fully leave so that they can intervene if he actually finds a way to the front.

We're not sure how he came to be locked up, but it has required that one of our other alters, Keira, has to stand guard where he is.

We have agreed that this is a very extreme step that we've had to take, but it has been helpful for the mental health and stability of the entire system.

I wish I could assist more,
Autistic, DID, trans feminine.
System of twenty. Umbrella/System name Theta
Host: Violette. Alters active on forum: Pippa, Beth, Angel
Introductory thread https://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic221125.html
Journey thread https://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic221263.html
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Re: Dealing with obsessive thoughts from one alter; lockup?

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Mon Nov 21, 2022 6:27 pm

Just throwing out ideas:

Is there ANYTHING that he enjoys doing that you can expand on? Or anything that when you're doing it, you feel C. being kind of interested?

You said that you've learned ways to have him relax inside, but have you had him practice these on the outside (maybe while co-conscious with you) so he can learn how to disengage from the obsessive thoughts? Meditation or CBT techniques such as thought-stopping might be helpful for him.

Depression, and obsessive thinking, which can be symptom of depression, are both very treatable with medication. Have you spoken to a psychiatrist about this? Sertraline, or escitalopram, even at low doses, might be a game-changer for C. and for all of you.

Have you (or he) written out the rants and the resolution (if there was one)? Then when he starts to repeat a rant, you can get out the writings and show him that this has already been taken care of.

Given how severe and impairing this is, I would recommend starting with medication. Just know that it can sometimes take 6-8 weeks to see an effect, and also see someone who will start with a low dose and raise it cautiously, since different alters can have different responses to medication. And don't let them give you an anti-psychotic to "make him go away." If the psychiatrist isn't familiar with DID, you may need bypass that this is coming from an alter, and just describe the symptoms as yours.

I know that some systems resort to locking away an alter, but I'd say that needs to be a last resort and a stop-gap measure, only if no other help is available to work on a more healthy solution.
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Re: Dealing with obsessive thoughts from one alter; lockup?

Postby ArbreMonde » Wed Nov 23, 2022 6:45 am

I agree with the Gang.

You will find additional ressources on how to manage difficult thoughts and behaviors in a DID context in :

- Healing the fragmented selves of trauma survivors (book)
- Coping with trauma related dissociation (book)
- DIS-SOS (website)

Good luck!
Autistic | ADHD | DID (host: Morwan) | transmasc (they/them & he/him)

Journey thread | DID ressources thread

This too shall pass. It shall pass like a kidney stone, but it shall pass.
What is great about broken things is: they can be repaired.
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