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Ethan the Alien's Misadventures! [Journey Thread!]

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Re: Ethan the Alien's Misadventures! [Journey Thread!]

Postby ethanthealien » Thu Nov 03, 2022 1:02 pm

Thanks so much! :lol:
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Re: Ethan the Alien's Misadventures! [Journey Thread!]

Postby ethanthealien » Thu Nov 03, 2022 9:13 pm

Thanks so much! :lol:
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Re: Ethan the Alien's Misadventures! [Journey Thread!]

Postby ethanthealien » Sat Nov 19, 2022 8:08 am

Hello again everyone!
Therapy has been going really, really well. I'm so appreciative of my therapist, things have been perfect so far. She's been so validating and helpful.
Since getting diagnosed and trying to figure out my alters, I've slowly been seeing the patterns of my alters better. It's like I'm seeing how distinct we really are. I've been able to understand my symptoms so much better, too.
Lately, at times, I have moments where it kind of hits me and I think "###$, I don't want this disorder, I don't this at all, I wish I never had this disorder." It's tough. I'll be alright though, I think. I believe things will get better, even if just for a moment.
It's kind of been a huge mixed bag lately, as you can tell.
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Re: Ethan the Alien's Misadventures! [Journey Thread!]

Postby ViTheta » Sat Nov 19, 2022 11:33 am

It's wonderful that things are going well, Ethan.

Yes, I'm pretty sure we've all had those moments where we've gone "This is awful and I really wish I didn't have DID. This is horrible. This is exhausting." I once said to my friend LJ that "I don't know why some people think that DID is 'cool'. This is awful." I don't think I've ever met a system that thought this was 'cool'.

But it's great you are positive about moving forward and that you've got an affirming therapist.

Take care,
Vi
Autistic, DID, trans feminine.
System of twenty. Umbrella/System name Theta
Host: Violette. Alters active on forum: Pippa, Beth, Angel
Introductory thread https://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic221125.html
Journey thread https://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic221263.html
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Re: Ethan the Alien's Misadventures! [Journey Thread!]

Postby ArbreMonde » Wed Nov 23, 2022 6:42 am

I completely understand both points of view, the "cool" and "uncool" ones.

The "uncool" one is about the trauma and dissociative symptoms. The "cool" one is about the identity fluctuations and the Innerworld life.

Most people outside of the DID sphere only focus on the visible, "cool" aspects and do not understand the pain underneath. They lack information and knowledge on the subject.

At least the "uncool" aspects can be healed and the "cool" ones can remain past healing!
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Journey thread | DID ressources thread

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Re: Ethan the Alien's Misadventures! [Journey Thread!]

Postby ethanthealien » Fri Nov 25, 2022 10:28 pm

A lot has happened since the last time I posted here.

Since we're finally able to not constrict ourselves into "Just Ethan," we've been able to lean more into expressing ourselves - exploring ourselves. My language has changed really drastically, as you can probably tell; I've often been referring to myself as "us" in therapy sessions, and it's always weird to notice myself doing it.
We have a part named Tea (he/she pronouns) who is extremely hyperactive, to a very noticeable degree. I think he was fronting at our last therapy appointment because during that appointment I was extremely hyperactive in a way even my therapist noticed and found surprising (not in a bad way). And then later in the appointment I noticed that I wasn't hyperactive anymore and my therapist noticed too.
People always say things move really, really fast with DID, but this all feels so instantaneous. Just my sudden language shift and starting to see and recognize my alters as "separate", when I never saw them that way and always went out of my way to tell others that I *don't* feel that they're separate.

I still have my moments of denial; actually I'm Ethan as I'm typing this post and I'm usually the one with self-doubt and denial. I know that if I'm thinking about DID a lot, talking about it, having denial or self-doubt pertaining to it, or if I mostly refer to myself with I/my pronouns instead of us/we, then I'm probably Ethan haha.

My therapist is so wonderful, I think we hit it off really well and I feel safe with her so far (and I think the fact that Tea(?) seems to have fronted and was so overtly her hyperactive self says a lot as well).


Another thing that happened; I mentioned to her how Tea flaps his hands rapidly to a point of getting tired, and hand-flapping is a stim that I have just in general, but Tea tends to flap her hands a lot more often and a lot more rapidly. And I mentioned this to my therapist and my therapist started to ask questions; "is he the only alter that flaps his hands?" I said no and mentioned how "I've heard (hand-flapping) be called stimming" - I was testing the waters haha. She then nodded and said "yeah! Do you have any other stimming behaviors?" and I said yes and brought up some other examples. She asked if I knew why I did them and I said it just feels fun/nice. I think she was asking those questions because she might be catching onto my autism symptoms haha. I'm hoping next session we can talk a bit more about stimming behaviors and perhaps expand to talking about autism in general. I hope she does catch onto the fact that I'm autistic (I'm not diagnosed, but I'm certain I'm autistic, so bear with me here haha).
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Re: Ethan the Alien's Misadventures! [Journey Thread!]

Postby ArbreMonde » Sun Nov 27, 2022 7:01 am

I am glad things are going well with your therapist! Congratulations on the progress!
Autistic | ADHD | DID (host: Morwan) | transmasc (they/them & he/him)

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