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An assertive Response

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An assertive Response

Postby Zor » Fri May 27, 2022 3:56 pm

I wanna share a post from the "friend" that called us demons (literally) a few years ago and Zor's reply.

Warning, this MAY be triggering to some cuz it's cold-hearted barbaric medieval thinking... But I LOVE Zor's reply. :)

For context, the guy was running the every other week D&D game at OUR house... and cuz of like what he says here, he decided to kill that game... To make that decision he talked to Zor's WIFE, not Zor, and had HER say that he had "concerns" about Zor "leaning in" to well... being US... not just HIM. So like acceptance and being open about our DID... the tragedy, right?!
So Zor was polite and all and sent a message to the idiot...

"If it is a better option... why not just remove me from the game if that's the problem for you guys? I can just hide in my headphones or avoid the game room when the game is going etc.
1 vs 3- simple math... AND there's more ppl playing that just us few... me and you 3..."

It took a FULL WEEK for him to even reply... the coward couldn't face us to say this, and had to talk to Zor's wife, then couldn't even reply for a FULL WEEK...

THIS was the reply... (we got this this past Monday, a full week after Zor's quoted message above had him killing that game)
It is you but... For starters, my wife has pretty much banned my boys from being over there. Secondarily, this is not about DND. This is about you. The more I've thought and prayed about this, the more I've come to the conclusion that we're dealing with a spiritual issue rather than a physical one. I will never be able to shake that first meeting where Steve and I came over to confront you. At the end of that meeting, I asked if we could pray with/for you. I don't know if you remember but Steve and I certainly do. When I asked, you physically leaned away from us and your face contorted. The look was unmistakable, "I don't want you to pray for me" and we didn't. Furthermore, it appears here in recently weeks/months, you've decided to lean into whatever this is. You seem to have fallen into this modern culture of celebrating your illness (whether physical or spiritual) rather than trying to overcome. You seem to desire to revel in your sin/disease rather than seek to be free of it. I'm not saying this is a permanent separation, but I need some distance to pray and evaluate. It's something I've been feeling for a long time at this point.

So Zor took a day or so and replied with this:
(Sorry this is long... but there's a lot on my mind)

I am fully aware that "it is about [me]". That is precisely why I was suggesting removing me from the game- for that very reason.

It isn't a "physical" issue. It's a mental health issue, specifically a complex PTSD trauma one. It's not something that is or could be contagious or passed along, it's born of suffering psychological trauma inflicted upon and experienced by me (as a whole).

That confrontation... Do you remember the date? Do you remember what day of the week it was? I do. It was Monday, April 23rd, and you arrived around 1:30-2 pm. For you two, it was just a Monday. For me... it was a profoundly traumatic event.
In that conversation, you destroyed everything I knew about myself and my life- and not JUST for me, for all of us. We, in-system, call it "the shattering". Our world(s) literally fell apart. It was terrifying, confusing, and deeply traumatic. You and Steve were the implements of that- despite that causing hurt wasn't the intention. You're right, I don't remember "leaning away". But you can't hold that reaction as a sign of anything other than a trauma reaction. I was in a state of trauma at that very moment, and you two were the instruments of it- it wasn't a rejection of faith, prayer, or God... it was a panicked, traumatized, and overwhelmed mind acting in self-defense.

To answer "whatever this is"- It's Dissociative Identity Disorder. You've seen some of the medical records notes where two (now three) doctors have diagnosed this. You know what it is. It's not a mystery, just a mental health condition.
The process of getting better, which means more whole in function and awareness, is "integration". That requires all parts of the system (the clinical term for the collection of parts of the person with DID) to feel safe, feel accepted, and have room and ability to express and be who they are. It is a process of working to be more closely connected instead of so disconnected from one another, hopefully to the point where we can all be closer to co-aware and co-present (called "co-conscious").

Yes, I have "leaned in" to accepting how my mind works- it's necessary for progress towards integration. I don't get the luxury of ignoring it, dismissing it, or otherwise choosing to not deal with it. It is how I exist, and always have (even before we knew it). Fighting that reality, denying it, working against each other or any one of us against the rest will only cause more harm than good- that is something none of us wants.

I've been in regular therapy towards this end (integration) for four years- the last three where we've made much more concerted and direct efforts towards accepting each other, addressing the needs and desires of each other, and working together, we've seen real progress, too. We've gotten more stable, more communication exists, and we've had more presence awareness. We've had fewer blackout-like dizzy spells, less of the cuts on the arms and legs appearing, and haven't had an unexpected hit the floor blackout in a little over a year- ALL since working for more integration and cooperative co-existence among us all.
Also, don't think that JUST therapy is our intention and focus. We DO pray, we DO still go to church, we DO still read and study our Bible and follow teachings online (I follow FFOZ's monthly teachings, often catch Rabbi Hershberg and/or D. Lancaster, etc). Nothing about having DID or working towards integration is pushing us away from our faith. God knew this would happen, the trauma and various situations that would overwhelm the mind, and this is the coping mechanism that would be created/formed. He used parts of the system to guide you and me to Kehillat and Messianic/Hebrew Roots theology (through Kaleb). I don't think He's abandoning us when we're not abandoning Him.

I know all this is concerning to some people, but it's who I am. It's who I've been since you first met me. It'll take a long time to get integrated enough to be collectively functional as if one, much less work towards "fusions" (where parts merge to be more singular). This isn't something we can "be free of". It's a psychological condition that exists because of trauma in the formative time of life, so it's a fundamentally different foundation that we have as a system.
Living with it isn't a choice, it's just reality. It's not likely to change. Having DID is just part of who I am, have always been, and to some degree or another who I always will be. The best thing I can do is learn to accept and live with myself, all of myself, and work towards better integration.
--
Then added the next morning this WONDERFUL polite snarky addition:
"Additionally, If you're interested in what DID is and looks like more, specifically what the reality of it is and what recovery looks like... I've got a handful of good books about that.
You are more than welcome to borrow some of them."

I love that "you're ignorant, let me help you educate yourself" addition...

So like I LOVE how assertive Zor was, NOT APOLOGIZING for how we exist, and basically DESTROYING the #######4 dude was trying to throw and accuse with... I'm soooooo proud of him, as our host, getting all assertive and defending us. Usually that's ONLY ME that does that- I love that he FINALLY told this dude off, and was so polite in his rejecting EVERYTHING that the idiot said.

Also, if it's not obvious... we've basically decided if/when he comes around- we'll be polite and civil... but won't have ANYTHING to do with him. We are f--king DONE with him. He lied to me for a year to accuse me of being a demon. He's been ignorant BY CHOICE for the better part of 4 years and this is his SECOND major "attack" against us, several smaller things... screw him. We're done.
We forgive, but we don't forget, and we WON'T let him do it again.

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Re: An assertive Response

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Fri May 27, 2022 5:22 pm

Wow—way to go, Zor! That was so well-written, and the tone was spot on.

Thanks for sharing with us, Pixie.
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Re: An assertive Response

Postby Zor » Fri May 27, 2022 7:39 pm

Thanks. :)

I am concerned about "fall out" to a degree... only to the point that he could/likely will call my wife at some point like his earlier conversation before cancelling said game we discuss above... And that she'll be on the "I don't want to lose any more friend b/c of them" like she's said before of us/the system.

But, honestly, too... I am getting to a similar point with her with that kind remark and the snarky stuff.

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Re: An assertive Response

Postby ArbreMonde » Sat May 28, 2022 2:03 pm

I am happy to have some news from you guys!

Congratulations on standing your ground! You really did well. Good luck for the "aftermath". I hope the other people involved are reasonable enough not to pester you about following the proper therapy for DID. Fingers crossed!
Autistic | ADHD | DID | transmasc (they/them & he/him)

System host/umbrella identity: Morwan

Journey thread | DID ressources thread

This too shall pass. It shall pass like a kidney stone, but it shall pass.
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Re: An assertive Response

Postby Eliseahorse » Mon May 30, 2022 12:02 pm

Well done Zor. You don't need friends like that. If they don't want you all Arround then they can play and at someone else's house. Good luck
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Re: An assertive Response

Postby Zor » Fri Jun 03, 2022 2:00 am

So I did something else, too... A few days after this I put a post on my personal FB page... noting the end of Mental Health Awareness month and the need to keep being aware beyond the month. I noted that everyone knows someone with mental health issues- and I openly stated I have DID... the first time I'd ever public or openly said that...

In 24 hours time... I lost about 100 FB "friends"... a full 1/3 of my list. Go figure... Well there's EXACTLY why we started being more vocal as a system, to raise awareness, and to combat stigmas and misinformation.

The cost of being assertive and open, eh?

This is the post:
Mental Health Awareness month is coming to an end, but that doesn't mean our awareness should. We should never stop fighting the stigma of mental health struggles and making it easier for people to reach out for help, to get help, without the shame and vilification that often comes with having mental health struggles.
Most of all, we need to be kind. We need to be understanding. We need to recognize that what is good for someone may not be what we expect or think it is. Recovery often looks very different than we expect, and that's ok, too. If we learn to be more kind and compassionate, we can break the stigma surrounding mental health.

People struggle every day with mental health issues- everyone knows someone who does. If you think you don't and you're reading this, you do.

I live with a mental health condition called Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly called "Multiple Personality Disorder"). For the last few years, I've been learning to accept the diagnosis and the way it changed how I think about myself and who I am. At times it's been scary and confusing. Other times it's overwhelming. The one constant truth is that no one gets through things like this alone. We all need kindness and support from those around us, especially in the face of radical life-changing struggles.

Why do I post this now? I've struggled to keep it hidden and pretend there was nothing different about me for a few years, but that's hard and it hurts. It creates a sense of shame and fear that hangs overhead like a dark cloud. A line in "Joker" really rings true of living like this: "The worst part of having a mental illness is people expect you to behave as if you don’t."

Also, for about two years now, someone has been trying to terrorize me by trolling friends, family, and basically anyone that will listen to them by talking about me behind my back. I've blocked literally a half dozen of these accounts when they comment on my posts with their hateful comments and their blatant misinformation. The ONLY valid thing in their entire screed- which I'm told from other friends is nearly identical to other rants they've seen about others with other conditions and struggles (depression, anxiety, autism, etc)- is that I have DID. Nearly everything else is misinformed and/or intentionally hateful.
If you get one of these messages, please just ignore it. If you want to know about DID there are plenty of good sources and books available. I can, and will be glad to, point you to good credible sources. If you want to know about my experiences, in many cases I am even willing to share those with my friends and family. Just ask.

#BeKind #mentalhealthawareness #DID



-Zor
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Re: An assertive Response

Postby disasterjoy » Fri Jun 03, 2022 10:18 pm

that is a well written response to that a-hole's nonsense. good on you :)
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Re: An assertive Response

Postby Eliseahorse » Sat Jun 04, 2022 2:07 pm

That is huge Zor well done. We have certainly seen our social circle reduce by being open about our mental health and the fact that we are not working towards fusion, but those friends that stay on are worth their weight in gold especially when they take the time to get to know us individually.
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Re: An assertive Response

Postby NewSunRising » Sun Jun 05, 2022 10:58 am

Bravo Zor !

Sounds like you lost a lot of people that you really don't need in your life . Quality is always preferable to quantity .
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Re: An assertive Response

Postby Zor » Sun Jun 05, 2022 3:21 pm

NewSunRising wrote:Bravo Zor !

Sounds like you lost a lot of people that you really don't need in your life . Quality is always preferable to quantity .


EXACTLY my feelings on it!

-Zor
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