A New Start (the way forwards)

TheTriForce wrote:I asked Kit how did they deal with this when Thea and Maddie were out and about in life dealing with people everyday and she said it was because they had no connection to the 'insiders' to detect the panic or be influenced by it so they could still go out and function in the world.

Now there is no host that does not know about the system and it is all previous 'insiders' (some of who are trauma holders) taking turns to host it is making us outwardly very agoraphobic as they have all spent most of their lives on the inside and only coming out when no other people are around...so every potential change is seen 'as a threat to the system!'

So I'm not sure how to deal with this issue? ... I was never the main host before making any life decisions and like Thea back then I couldn't feel the anxiety of the insiders when I was triggered out to take over for while. I'm feeling rather 'overwhelmed' with their fears currently....

Life seems so much harder (in some respects) than I remember it being when I last fronted!

Jay

I think this is actually a sign of more integration and healing. But it does make things harder for awhile. I know for us, we spent decades looking very successful and able to cope with all kinds of challenging situations calmly, but that was because we weren't acknowledging or dealing with any of the feelings created by those situations. The insiders have been holding all those feelings.

And that means that the system as a whole hasn't gotten any practice with learning to tolerate and regulate emotions. We're still getting used to how much harder it feels to get through a day, taking care of how different parts are feeling, and taking time for people to process things and talk them through. It can be exhausting!

We're finding that it really helps to talk to everyone, listen to their fears, and reassure them about things. It makes things take longer than we're used to, but it's overall better for us.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:
I think this is actually a sign of more integration and healing. But it does make things harder for awhile. I know for us, we spent decades looking very successful and able to cope with all kinds of challenging situations calmly, but that was because we weren't acknowledging or dealing with any of the feelings created by those situations. The insiders have been holding all those feelings.

And that means that the system as a whole hasn't gotten any practice with learning to tolerate and regulate emotions. We're still getting used to how much harder it feels to get through a day, taking care of how different parts are feeling, and taking time for people to process things and talk them through. It can be exhausting!

We're finding that it really helps to talk to everyone, listen to their fears, and reassure them about things. It makes things take longer than we're used to, but it's overall better for us.

Thanks for answering. I am happy for a quiet life we don't have much choice right now still being extremely vulnerable as far as covid is concerned, but we do still need to cope with some situations without it causing a complete meltdown. (like new neighbours, workmen having to come in) I got like 2 hours sleep last night as the stress levels spiked the Tinnitus it was absoultely raging all night...could not get off to 'deep sleep' level at all.

Kit agrees it is stressful...we wonder if we can temporarily disconnect for certain situations whereby maybe she goes deep inside and swaps places with someone less 'fear-driven' with social skills and experience to help make situations a calmer experience! It would only be for a couple of hours or less usually as we also have chronic fatigue so need to rest after each thing/event.

Maybe our changelings can form temporary walls between the inside and the front for particularly stressful experiences that we have no choice but to attend to help a couple of us cope with it. I know we've really struggled with energy since the stroke and the constant tinnitus.

Now our stepmother has also mentioned her 'mild stroke' too, we are wondering if it was the Astra Zeneca as we know she also had that for her first 2-3 doses too and our Gp surgery has told us that's why they don't offer it anymore!

its the day for the painter man today..I got up early and took Mr Woof round the block in the dark and fog! ...didn't go on the field no lights and can barely see a foot ahead of us.

Juno and Sioux are blended with me. I don't feel excessively anxious and under other conditions may be more happy to have a stranger to chat with for a few hours, but the fact we're still waiting for the vaccine nurse and know if the painter does want to talk to us he has to remove his mask and stand directly in front of us so we can lip-read, makes it a more stressful event.

Everyone is scared to get covid and end up in hospital. They never bring clear masks so we can still lip-read them without them having to remove it.

We had asked if he could make sure he tested negative on the day and was told that was unreasonable and would be too expensive for all their tradespeople to do that, this is also why we were anxious about an expectation to attend the neighbours funeral or go outside while there was a crowd of people paying their respects.

I've seen from other forums people talking generally..people are fed up of it all now and have no sympathy for the immune-compromised.. their attitude is 'stay inside and don't go anywhere then but I'm not wearing a mask constantly cos it won't affect me'

Anyway best get on...want to let Mr Woof in garden for a bit before he has to stay in one room for hours while the painter is here ..it's going to be a long day!!

well I'm back!...crashed last night was exhausted. Still a bit tired but ok...LS is asking me if we can have potato smileys and fish bites today ...she wants to go on AC too...she seems to have a mission to 'finish mummy's cottage by the sea'....in game you have to make money to pay back a loan to upgrade your house...the last upgrade gives access to different external walls and roof's so you can have a cute round cottage in different colour combinations.

I think she is wanting to put a room in there for each member of the family even though in co-op, although you can have 4 players they automatically follow 'the leader' when that character moves around, so for them to all be in bed asleep ...the beds would all have to be in the same room! ...and you need 4 sets of joycons even though they will all automatically end up where 'the leader' is/goes to.

But maybe this is what LS feels she needs to do? ..so we will look out for cheap pair of joycons on ebay we have 3..ones from original switch, Zelda limited edition pair (guess who they belong to! ) and the ones that came with the OLED) to make up 4...then she can put the whole family on her island and have a house for them and their own rooms.. maybe she will integrate once she has achieved her goal?

I agree with Bobby on their other post re integration that some will integrate eventually but I don't think Yuna and Juno will integrate into separate groups...I think they will voluntarily blend together or even fuse together so they cannot be separated into different groups, even though Juno will never be seen as 'a version of me' by any human part. She is there as a matter of honour and the one who made that promise to her was Teen S/'Yuna'....so they will either BOTH be in the group for 'social front alters' or BOTH be in the changelings group.

I understand Bobby's need to pay her respects too in their own way, but maybe their changeling (Phoenix) can present in our mothers form (as Bobby wants to remember her) and be queen of the changeling tribe inside?

..and of course 'Juno' is a 15 yr old reincarnation of her not an adult image of her as she looked when we were young. Juno's inner body matches the photo we have of our mum at 15! ..that is the one she herself pointed out as 'her' when Yuna first asked her what she looked like (when she couldn't see her initially after the stroke).

I'm sure it will all get sorted out eventually, there's no rush, we're gonna be housebound for this winter too at least...snow is forecast for coming weeks in the Northern regions so trying to get another food delivery in this weekend and double-checking we have everything we're going to need to survive....I'm glad Kit has been so organised with all that kind of stuff!

My prediction would be that there maybe less of us in the future but I don't think we'd ever reach the functioning level of a 'singleton' NT person!

TheTriForce wrote:My prediction would be that there maybe less of us in the future but I don't think we'd ever reach the functioning level of a 'singleton' NT person!

The "therapy race" is about "getting better than I was yesterday". There is no "finish" line. It's okay if you do not reach the same level of functioning than another person as long as it gets better each day

TheTriForce wrote:I agree with Bobby on their other post re integration that some will integrate eventually but I don't think Yuna and Juno will integrate into separate groups...I think they will voluntarily blend together or even fuse together so they cannot be separated into different groups, even though Juno will never be seen as 'a version of me' by any human part. She is there as a matter of honour and the one who made that promise to her was Teen S/'Yuna'....so they will either BOTH be in the group for 'social front alters' or BOTH be in the changelings group.

I understand Bobby's need to pay her respects too in their own way, but maybe their changeling (Phoenix) can present in our mothers form (as Bobby wants to remember her) and be queen of the changeling tribe inside?

This is acceptable. Yuna and Juno can stay together in your group. Juno will have past knowledge of NT social skills that may help social alters. ..Phoenix will be Queen of Tribe inside! ..in mothers image (when she takes human form) as I remember her.

Bobby

p.s.Hello to ArbreMonde and I still remember your Zami!

Bobby from TheTriForce wrote:p.s.Hello to ArbreMonde and I still remember your Zami!

Hello to you too! Thank you for remembering. Zami is doing so much better now, much calmer and at peace instead of being triggered most of the time. I am happy of the progress we have made all together to become more "me together".

And I am also happy to see you all progressing as well. You rule!

It seems 'stability' as far as the outside world goes is hard to come by!

I (Jay) wasn't scheduled to be out today but the toilet flush broke off this morning so we had to text bro. He eventually turned up with the new g/f in tow so I found myself out front!

Kit was annoyed as she couldn't then say or ask the questions she had wanted to as I was auto up front (kinda like the old days!)

She seemed nice, he looked at the handle went off with her to pick up parts then returned to fix it. I managed to make some conversation with her, (we still struggle physically getting words out in longer sentences although know exactly what we want to say) we didn't get a hug so Juno was disappointed. He did show us what he'd got ordered us for xmas (it wasn't a keyboard!)... I made a comment that it looked posh! his g/f laughed but I could hear the littles in the background..'but I thought we were getting a keyboard to learn music'

Kit was 'told you' ... in reference to the lack of reliability. I could feel the littles wanting to know if she as gonna be there xmas day but it didn't feel appropriate to ask and they had driven off by then.

The bro, (like our father) doesn't believing in 'pandering' to the autism needs..we're not that bad (as in severely autistic/learning disabled) and have to learn to live in the world, yet it seems he had told his last g/f that we didn't like people so she had been really surprised we were 'so friendly' which I know had hurt Yuna's feelings at the time. We've no idea what he's told this one (they don't usually tells us)

so now we're back to been unsure what is happening xmas day or who will be there. We do know he's got Bobby's game as he mentioned getting sent 2 copies after it never arrived the first time!

Our little fingers have gone bent and swollen with the cold anyway and we've got minus temps coming next week so we'll see how bad the arthritis symptoms get in our hands, before deciding whether to save up for a keyboard ourself.

Our knees are really bad today and painful to walk on crutches.We're trying to keep our neck warm as we definitely get worse Tinnitus in the left side (and from back of head) when our neck and shoulders are stiff and painful.

We're trying to decide whether we should get a small gift that would be suitable to give in case he decides to tell us last minute (ie xmas eve/morning) that she will be there! If we get something that would be useful for us also or that we could instead give to the step mother on her birthday, incase it isn't needed then it won't be a complete waste of money!

I guess it wouldn't be so disappointing if it wasn't literally the only contact we have with other people (face to face). I can see why trust is a big issue and why the others prefer remaining secret. Most seem to feel all we have is each other, our dog and the inner world. The outside is always unpredictable just when you think you have some stability, I think it also explains the video game obsession, the worlds (of each game) are always the same every time you play...and why Kit likes to watch programs about people who live off-grid (ie out in the wilderness) alone and how they survive.

Jay

I'm sorry your day went so poorly. It would be nice if your brother took more time to accommodate your disabilities. It's not like you do these just because you want attention or are seeking sympathy.

I do hope you can get a keyboard though and I wish you weren't in so much pain from the cold.

Keep safe and warm,
Pippa.

ViTheta wrote:I'm sorry your day went so poorly. It would be nice if your brother took more time to accommodate your disabilities. It's not like you do these just because you want attention or are seeking sympathy.

I do hope you can get a keyboard though and I wish you weren't in so much pain from the cold.

Keep safe and warm,
Pippa.

Thank you Pippa! When I read it back it seems a 'bit complainy' but frustration does seem the biggest emotion most often produced with most of us with regard to the outside world!

well I guess they (outside people ..doctors, teachers, bullies as well as family) at least prepared us for the outside world in that respect! It's probably why we've survived so long as a system with no-one ever finding out!

I think some (of us) feel things often got taken away if 'normal people' considered we had a love or obsession for something that was 'not normal for our age' back in the day, so therefore 'what they didn't know about, they couldn't take away' and the inner world become more elaborate, detailed and secret! ..we evolved with an intention to deceive so the outside world believed we had 'grown out' of what they saw as 'undesirable behaviours' ..(stimming, appearing to talk to self or act out some invisible scenario) in Irony it seems they have effectively 'preserved' that they wished to rid us of!! We just learned to 'mask high efficiently' until we could build a safe outside base for everyone to come back out again!

Can't do much about the arthritis unfortunately, we used turmeric supplement to relieve stiffness and pain and it worked, unfortunately it's also classed as 'a natural blood thinner' so can't be taken whilst on prescribed blood thinners (to prevent a major stroke).

Kit is doing research to see if there's another supplement that would relieve some of the symptoms without making the tinnitus worse and safe to take with blood thinners and thyroid meds.

Jay