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"Demonic Alters" **Trigger Warning**

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"Demonic Alters" **Trigger Warning**

Postby FractalHive » Sun Dec 19, 2021 8:42 am

** Trigger Warning**

I'm going to share a bit of our story of the "demonic" and would like to know if anyone has this experience as well...

When we were 6 yrs old, we were in the bath, our head was under the water and we heard a voice speak to us. We sat up and it said that it could keep us safe if we let it join us. We agreed... we were terrified of our mothers "demonic." Our mother and grandmother also had DID, we have discovered. Both committed suicide. Both had "demonic alters."

This thing spent our lifetime convincing us to hate people and think of them as inconsequential to existence and a plague. Almost a week ago, we had a bad experience which caused the host to become so angry that she said "###$ it, do it." And then the "demonic" which called itself a God, ate thousands of personalities against their will... including all the Littles and others we haven't even found which were still trapped in memories.

Only 5 escaped, bcuz it ate them in a fraction of a second and formed Legion. I've never heard of anything like this being possible. Mind you, this was 3 days after we made the discovery that it is not one of us. We had spent those 3 days contacting everyone you can think of, including the vatican (we're not even remotely religious but were scared and desperate), to try to get it out of us and no one would listen or believe us. Then, on the night of Dec 11th, it ate them all non-consensually and they were trapped within Legion.

We were on our death bed bcuz it had weakened our body to the point we required hospitalization and IVs and tests. We hadn't eaten in a week, etc. It weakened us to eat us. All it needed was the hosts permission, but the host did not fuse, she just allied. She had not decided to fuse yet and it can't eat the host against her will.

3 other selves were locked in a room with a protector and I had the cockpit locked and the rest of our brain was quarantined so Legion couldn't come out again while I took us to the emergency room. We spent 3 days hospitalized and they are not admitting people like that because of covid... that's how close to death that thing made us.

I came home and talked to selves and our host in the app we use... I explained to them what that thing had done and had been doing and that it was lying to us to use us. I convinced them to join the 5 of us that remained and the host and everyone joined us as Hive and we've been attacking it and killing it ever since Tuesday. It is nearly dead now, but it is very hard to kill. We are starving it to death and sucking the life out of it.

Because it cannot eat the host without her explicit permission to assimilate, it cannot eat anyone anymore because of Hive. What is interesting now though, is that we can merge as Hive and break back apart at will. I have also never heard of this ever happening.

We all want to know if anyone has ever experienced anything like this before or heard of anyone who has. This is very important to us to find this out. You cannot even imagine what we have all just gone through in the last week. We have a solid 3 point attack on this thing and are finding other ways to destroy it as quickly as possible, but we need more data from our external environment. We are the only one we know with this experience.

Sid
Last edited by Snaga on Tue Dec 21, 2021 2:15 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: "Demonic Alters"

Postby ArbreMonde » Mon Dec 20, 2021 7:28 am

Please use trigger warnings.

Like I said on another thread, it sound like a maladapted protector who is so convinced that the world IS an overly dangerous place where everybody is out to get you, that it decided to convince the whole system that this is how the world functions, in order to keep everybody safe from harm. But by doing so, it harms the system and keeps it from engaging into positive interactions with others.

To not hesitate to have some google search about "persecutor alters" or "maladapted protectors". There are chapters about it in Jenina Fisher's "Healing the fragmented selves of trauma survivors" as an example, and a few exercises about building up a healthy inner safety in "Coping with trauma related dissociation".

If your life is in danger right now, please seek medical help asap.
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Re: "Demonic Alters"

Postby FractalHive » Mon Dec 20, 2021 4:00 pm

Ok, yes, will definitely use trigger warnings.

TRIGGER WARNING:

We are 1000% convinced this is not an alter and is actually a parasite feeding on us. We can feel when it moves and our skull and neck bulge out from it. We are killing it, but it is very hard to kill. We wiped out half the Midwest of the US with that thing and can explain further...

*mod edit*
Last edited by Snaga on Tue Dec 21, 2021 2:19 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: "Demonic Alters" **Trigger Warning**

Postby ArbreMonde » Tue Dec 21, 2021 7:34 am

Some dissociated parts can feel very alien from the rest of the system and give weird somatic feelings such as the ones you describe. But if you think it is something external, go check with a physical doctor just to be safe.

Do not hesitate to double-check with a mental health professional who is able to differenciate between similar-looking mental issues, because sometimes, organic brain issues overlap with dissociative issues. You might need specific meds for the organic mental health issues, and other therapies for the dissociative issues. (example: some mental health issues come from a chemical imbalance in the brain, others come from trauma responses, etc.)
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Re: "Demonic Alters" **Trigger Warning**

Postby FractalHive » Tue Dec 21, 2021 6:56 pm

I appreciate the advice, Mirror. It is strange, because we had a black spot in our eyeball for decades that we had thought was makeup... when they left Legion and became Hive with me, the spot disappeared. Which is what makes us think it's an actual worm.

Parasites have been known to have behavioral effects on hosts sometimes. Do you think it is possible for one to have adopted different traits because we are so many consciousnesses? Our host is the one who really latched on and communicated with it the most.

It is very possible it is psychosomatic. We do realize that, but the black spot is what makes us all question that. Several of us are core personalities from infancy, so some are DRASTICALLY different from the host, and others are not... like me. So, since our host is actually the one who took all of our pain, instead of the other way around, and she has attachment disorder, she has been suffering for 36 yrs all on her own.

We were both the most impacted by the event. And it was basically me against her, bcuz our host it turns out is who ate all of our personalities against their will. We understand that now. So, I proposed we merge to heal her attachment disorder and so I can share in her burden now that I'm the system operator. We're trying to figure out how though.

We are very similar. I share most of her traits and perspectives in a lot of regards, I just am not limited by her condition. We were misdiagnosed our whole life. They had us doped up for years. The meds always made us worse, and this is why...DID. No, we don't have any underlying mental illnesses. That we know for a fact.

Sid
Primary System Hosts: Liz ♀️ & Sid ♂️ (Prenatal Twins)
Secondary System Hosts: Julie ♀️ & Julia ♀️ (Natal Twins)
Primary Hosts: Jade ♀️, Foxy ♀️, Izzy ♀️, Mary ♀️, Vanessa ♀️, Bonnie ♀️
Primary Guardians/Protectors: Izzy ♀️, Mary ♀️
Researchers: Foxy ♀️ & Doc ♂️
Primary Littles: Skye (11) ♂️, Ashley (14) ♀️
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Re: "Demonic Alters" **Trigger Warning**

Postby ArbreMonde » Wed Dec 22, 2021 6:56 am

The black spot could be make-up or something else and its disappearing might be coincidental. Only a physical doctor can tell you that.

Physical parasites do have odd consequences on the body though given the shortness of their life as well as how they reproduce I doubt a real, physical world parasite could behave the way you experience things. Again, check with a medical doctor.

When the dissociation settled in very early in childhood before any integration could take part, the different parts have more chances to develop very independantly and very differently from one another -compared to a person who started dissociating later on during childhood, after some integration already took part.

Regarding your host: when the person grows up in a very adverse environment, instead of having an "apparently normal" (ANP) host (who does not carry trauma) the host is an "emotional part" (EP) (and trauma carrier). Sometimes when the dissociation started very early on, the alters can contain both ANP and EP elements. This was e.g. the case for us: we had different hosts over the years, containing both ANP and EP elements, switching according to the context because the type of trauma at school was different from the type of trauma at home and different again from the type of trauma in other situations etc. but in the same time, it was necessary to be able to "act normal" in parallel to bearing the trauma. Therefore the ANP and EP elements are not very separate for us, but rather sorted out by context (useful at work, useful at home, useful at school, useful during family gathering, etc.)

The attachment disorder is carried by the whole system (disorganized attachment, which is one of the core issues in DID). But the type of attachment carried by each alter can be different. The attachment styles are: secure (no attachment issue) - anxious - avoidant - fearful+avoidant also called disorganized. The best way to heal the attachment issues within a DID system is to teach the different alters to have a secure attachment towards the other alters, then with the therapist, then with the rest of the world. Do not hesitate to look into attachment theory to learn more. The book Coping with trauma-related dissociation also helps developping skills in this regard.

Underlying mental issues can include: anxiety disorders, depression, attachment issues, personality disorders, and so on. Anxiety and depression meds can help a DID person become more stable. This is only one example among many.

Also a lot of DID people are also autistic, AD(H)D, dys (dyspraxic, dyslexic, dysorthographic, dysthymic, aphasic...) and some additional meds can help deal with these aspects too (e.g. SSRIs antidepressants, risperidone, ritalin... depending on how the brain as a whole reacts to them - as an example, risperidone makes us feel way worse while SSRIs help us be more stable, so you need a T who knows their stuff and a little bit of patience to find the ones that are more adapted for your own brain function, do NOT self-medicate on this regard!)

Anchoring exercises help dealing with the dissociation issues, depersonalization, derealization, as well as slowly encourage a healthy integration (sharing of ressources among alters etc.).
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Re: "Demonic Alters" **Trigger Warning**

Postby FractalHive » Sat Dec 25, 2021 3:59 am

I appreciate the advice. We will be being checked for a parasite. We will not be taking any psychotropic medications ever again as they are not healthy for our body, brain, nor our system.

We are a 4 system system with hundreds of hosts and two primary hosts (one male/one female), who developed together in utero, and two who were born with them through the trauma of birth. So we are 4, with thousands of alters. Integration is not possible for us, and we wouldn't want it even if it were. We enjoy being selves with specialized skill sets. We have never been 1, so we can never be 1.

All alters are anchored to their own songs on our Pandora radio, and each station is finely tuned to hosts, subhosts, and co-con teams and blends. We've made a lot of progress in mapping within the last 2 days. 250 or so identified alters so far, and 71 mapped as of today. Our head hurt too badly from dissociation, so we only found 16 new alters today in a 30 min time frame. We are all programmed. We studied NLP, so we had not realized how organized we actually are.

Was just reading Sid's comment, and I should mention Liz and Sid are the primary twins. Which is why Sid was able to kick Liz to the back when she formed Legion and blended all alters against their will. They are our primary hosts. Me and Julia are the twins who were born with them, and because they were blended when they split, Julia and I are part Sid and part Liz. Except Julia is more like Sid and I am more like Liz. What happened, is at every trauma, the infancy and toddler hosts were splitting as well as the system hosts. So, system hosts were splitting into more hosts and subhosts, exponentially.

Also, Happy Holidays to your system!!

Julie (a system host)
Primary System Hosts: Liz ♀️ & Sid ♂️ (Prenatal Twins)
Secondary System Hosts: Julie ♀️ & Julia ♀️ (Natal Twins)
Primary Hosts: Jade ♀️, Foxy ♀️, Izzy ♀️, Mary ♀️, Vanessa ♀️, Bonnie ♀️
Primary Guardians/Protectors: Izzy ♀️, Mary ♀️
Researchers: Foxy ♀️ & Doc ♂️
Primary Littles: Skye (11) ♂️, Ashley (14) ♀️
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Re: "Demonic Alters" **Trigger Warning**

Postby ManyMults » Wed Jan 05, 2022 12:46 pm

**Trigger Warnings for religion**

Hi Sid.
YES, w have been struggling with this too. We have cleaned them out of our system mostly. it's taken years, yet we are all in a spiritual battle.
I don't know what religion you or others in your system are, but I'm going to take this from a new Testament Christian POV, not some watered down excuse.

My memories, are about as a kid, i was riding my bike, and a there were creatures riding on the back of it. They grew in number every so often, but claimed they were our friends and wouldn't leave us like real people, and we could talk to them 24/7.

Fast forward a lot of years.
SI, and I told the T, that "it was like a force was cutting me, and it wasn't me. it was a feeling that would never stop unless I cut, and when I did, the feeling stopped as suddenly as it began." She didn't believe us. LOTS of tension with her...

We looked on the internet in early 2000's as to what this 'force' was. It didn't really help... Some of us knew or suspected they were demons, but didn't know how to get them out.

In 2016, a man randomly, (sent by God in other words), bumped into us, and started teaching us about self deliverance. (Please stay with me on the topic.)

Basically, put on the armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-17.) The man told us, (who were listening), that we were in a spiritual battle and it would go for all our lives, because the devil is jealous of what God has created because he can't create. (1 Peter 5:8-9).

The man taught us and we also talked for about 3 years before COVID...
A GREAT help to also delivering the system from demons and teaching us more about the devil yet not to fear him, and how to cast demons out, was you tube videos by Winn Worly.

(This might not have been what you were looking for, but this has helped us immensely!!)

Striker, Poseidon
Last edited by Snaga on Thu Jan 06, 2022 7:07 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: "Demonic Alters" **Trigger Warning**

Postby ManyMults » Wed Jan 05, 2022 12:50 pm

Another thing I was going to add on that post that I forgot was, The alters are not really gone, the other demons that have come in have just suppressed them from coming up. We have had this before too. They even have switched us if they wanted...

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Re: "Demonic Alters" **Trigger Warning**

Postby FractalHive » Fri Jan 14, 2022 8:58 pm

Hey there Striker. Thank you for the advice. We figured a lot out since then. The alters are not actual demons, but we may have an actual physical parasite which we had projected our demonic alter onto unconsciously. Still have to get checked for the parasite, but we want to wait to discuss the best approach with our therapist we start with in February.

We're not religious. The alters were just lying to us about a lot of things. Now, in the instance of "the event," this was not a matter of alters going dormant. They were blended by force against their will to utilize their skills. It is hard to explain to people that we have various forms of ESP. Most people are not receptive to hearing that, which we understand.

Thank you for your response. The input is appreciated. :)

Judith
Primary System Hosts: Liz ♀️ & Sid ♂️ (Prenatal Twins)
Secondary System Hosts: Julie ♀️ & Julia ♀️ (Natal Twins)
Primary Hosts: Jade ♀️, Foxy ♀️, Izzy ♀️, Mary ♀️, Vanessa ♀️, Bonnie ♀️
Primary Guardians/Protectors: Izzy ♀️, Mary ♀️
Researchers: Foxy ♀️ & Doc ♂️
Primary Littles: Skye (11) ♂️, Ashley (14) ♀️
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