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Newly identifying with body

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Newly identifying with body

Postby variegatedspoonie » Mon Oct 25, 2021 4:56 am

idk if I even want advice, I just need to get it out. Our previous alter that identified with the body was co-hosting with me, he was on the brink of divorce with his husband and was struggling with being a father. After a fight with his husband that ended in him crying and begging to us to go dormant. I took over for the rest of the day, but when I woke up the next morning he had integrated with me. This isn't terribly anything new, I'm the one that people in our system integrate with, even just temporarily, and it isn't the first time he's done it. But this time it feels so different. This happened a few days ago, the first day I felt so whole. It was like I hadn't even realized how fragmented I had felt before. After that I slowly started finding myself using his voice. And feel way more comfortable in this body than I used to. I was so happy at first, but now I'm just lost and confused. The part of me that was him feels much tighter bonded than previous times anyone has ever integrated, which makes me think it's not a temporary thing like the others. But idk. His husband and I have been dating for almost 2 years now, so we've just kind of fallen into a pattern as if we are husband and wife. I've felt so drained though, and tonight can't sleep just thinking about all of this. I've only switched twice since this happened, which for us is not that common - we tend to switch often throughout the day. I just am unsure how to be him, unsure how to even be me at this point. Unsure who I even am.
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Re: Newly identifying with body

Postby ArbreMonde » Tue Oct 26, 2021 6:08 am

It is a situation that needs time getting used to. Take your time experiencing what life feels like now for you. Take your time getting to know the new you.

This year my system experienced a lot of fusions, all of them leading to, well, me. Therefore I know how confusing it can feel. I also feel the physical body as less alien, lately. I am more anchored into it.

It is all new and confusing. But it also feels strangely good.

Getting used to it takes time. It's okay if you need time. Breathe. Focus on the here and now. You can do this.
__
Daniel.
Key: ♂ he/him | ♀ she/her | ɸ they/them

Social: Zamiel ɸ (complex fusion) or Daniel ♂ɸ (Zamiel + David)
Self-care: David ♂
Managers: The Mirror ♂ (inner self-helper) - Isaïa ♂ ("trauma-sitter") - Theia ♀ (gatekeeper)
Trauma holders: Pride|Wrath ♂ - Lust ♀ - Reyna ♀ - Ulysses ɸ

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Re: Newly identifying with body

Postby YunaTheSummoner » Tue Oct 26, 2021 7:55 am

variegatedspoonie wrote:idk if I even want advice, I just need to get it out. Our previous alter that identified with the body was co-hosting with me, he was on the brink of divorce with his husband and was struggling with being a father. After a fight with his husband that ended in him crying and begging to us to go dormant. I took over for the rest of the day, but when I woke up the next morning he had integrated with me. This isn't terribly anything new, I'm the one that people in our system integrate with, even just temporarily, and it isn't the first time he's done it. But this time it feels so different. This happened a few days ago, the first day I felt so whole. It was like I hadn't even realized how fragmented I had felt before. After that I slowly started finding myself using his voice. And feel way more comfortable in this body than I used to. I was so happy at first, but now I'm just lost and confused. The part of me that was him feels much tighter bonded than previous times anyone has ever integrated, which makes me think it's not a temporary thing like the others. But idk. His husband and I have been dating for almost 2 years now, so we've just kind of fallen into a pattern as if we are husband and wife. I've felt so drained though, and tonight can't sleep just thinking about all of this. I've only switched twice since this happened, which for us is not that common - we tend to switch often throughout the day. I just am unsure how to be him, unsure how to even be me at this point. Unsure who I even am.



I wonder if there has been a fusion of the 'parts of me' too since my stroke.

As the one who identified with the body I was out during the earlier life (late teens - late twenties) and mostly dealt with college, university and going to work, but yet I have many more memories than can be explained from this duration and situations I was typically 'out' in.

The only 'others' out have been ones that are NOT 'Versions of me' and see themselves as spirits and soulbonds (they are based on dearly departed family members) and act as guides. They can blend with me to give me temporary extra strength if we focus on the same thing at the same time.

So far there has been no contact with 'past selves' we appear to have been 'cut off' by damaged pathways..maybe? Like yourself (OP) this makes it difficult for me know how I should behave sometimes so have avoided reunions with friends as I have no idea who they are expecting! (and not everyone has been told about the stroke as we were already in lockdown and shielding when it happened some people haven't seen us for months anyway).

Due to these feelings I believe we possibly always acted a certain way in public and so 'outsiders' would see that as the personality of this body, but with no memory of who was last out and how they presented it makes me feel like I'm 'pretending to be someone else' if we have to be in the company of others ..as I've no idea who they think 'I' am.. (personality wise).

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