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Changing meds changing alters?

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Changing meds changing alters?

Postby SamsLand » Thu Oct 21, 2021 3:11 pm

Hi all,

It has been a super long time. It is great to have this community as a resource. I wanted to ask you all if you have had any experience of certain alters being dominant based on the medication you are taking?

We have had a rough year, in deeper depression most of the year. We have been trying different meds to try to get a combination to work. Recently we added Wellbutrin and this has been successful (now hitting all 3 serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine). here's the thing. So I feel really good, really happy, also odd because there is nothing to attach the good feelings to - like a person, or event or life change. So this has been a bit disorienting to say the least.

However I have come to realize that I, 24 year old, am mostly fronting and this concerns 40 something year old body-age self and potentially our therapist (who is wonderful and very qualified so I trust him).

I myself have no problems fronting really. But the over under tones of this not being the goal sits with me. Plus there is not much in the 40 something life that brings me pleasure or feelings of self worth. So I understand this is not quite right.

So this wasn't as short as I intended but I am wondering if you have had experience with different alters taking over when starting new meds or changing meds. And how you coped with this.

Thank you for your time.
Kit and others asking the same question
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Re: Changing meds changing alters?

Postby birdsong87 » Thu Oct 21, 2021 4:24 pm

YOU ARE BACK!!!
good hearing from you.
we have no helpful experience, just wanted to say hi.

in theory some parts might carry the ability for certain experiences and others don't and that could influence who is fronting. like a part is not just a mental thing, we come with our own biology and theoretically messing with the body biology could mean that the part mostly in the body changes... but that would only make sense if you as Kit can somehow relate to the way the meds make you feel as your normal way of existing or at least within your range of experience... just guessing here though
Dx: DID cPTSD
L (host 1); Asti (host 2); Annett (teen protector); Maya (child); Age (observer); Thamara (child); Danielle (aut. teen); Mike (caregiver) and others
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Re: Changing meds changing alters?

Postby SamsLand » Thu Oct 21, 2021 4:46 pm

Hi L!

Nice to hear from you too. I pop in now and again to catch up. Your journey is always so inspiring.

Yeah that is what my T and I were discussing today. The dopamine high is certainly associated with my time many years ago, and the 40 something is more familiar with mature adulthood (dont know a good word for it) and depression. It is the risky and carefree behavior which I think is what the others are worried about. Though I feel I have been super responsible. But 40 something year old (we have been working with that fronting part having the body name) I see fears acting on those thoughts or not acting on things that should be acted on etc. Classic responsible adult with a lot of responsibilities worrying about things being neglected. You know, we are a house of cards built on a cracked foundation right, so a little disruption can cause a lot of damage in our progress. Which I think also includes keeping the 40 something year old fronting.

If I remember correctly I have some overlapping characteristics with Asti. I also feel a bit frenetic and disoriented.

thanks for your thoughts L,
Kit
keep ya head up, Don't let up, keep slayin em
-eminem

not sure what the point was.
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Re: Changing meds changing alters?

Postby Purplesky » Thu Oct 21, 2021 6:14 pm

i have not experienced that, no. the only time i've experienced a change in alters who are active has been when things in life have changed, good or bad. meds have never affected them though.
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Re: Changing meds changing alters?

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Thu Oct 21, 2021 6:58 pm

So good to hear from you SamsLand!!

We have definitely experienced medications shaking up the system and allowing parts to front who may have previously been suppressed most of the time. For example, we took a class that involved a lot of performing in front of people and getting critiqued, and our "social anxiety" (actually a protector, it turns out) was interfering with our ability to get as much out of the class as we knew we could. So we tried taking propranolol--the performance anxiety medication, and it really reduced our anxiety. But now we were someone with much less anxiety, and started to feel really different--more like a bubbly teenager--when we were there. It turned out that for most of our lives, our system had been protecting that bubbly, happy, talented, and not traumatized part, and she was finally getting a chance to be out more consistently.

There were bumps in the road, of course, because she had a lot of social skills to learn, and the protector who had kept her back had a hard time not stepping in and overreacting to those bumpy times. So, it's been a process, but it has meant that we've gotten to make room for more of us to do what we love, and therapy has supported us with expanding our comfort zone so that more of us can get our needs met.

I definitely don't think the solution is finding a way for the 40-something part to front most of the time again and pushing Kit back. I think the solution is more along the lines of making room in the body's current life for Kit, and helping her find activities/hobbies/classes/friends or whatever--things that bring her pleasure and increase her feelings of self-worth. She has a right to be here as much as the 40-something part does--you are all part of the whole and just because one part has been out more and has constructed the life to be more comfortable for them doesn't mean that the other parts shouldn't get time now to enjoy themselves.

That's pretty standard for DID treatment, by the way. All the parts are equally important, have equally important needs and feelings, and equally share this one life that you have.

It sounds like there are fears about this change, but no actual behavior that has caused harm to the system. It's understandable to be worried, but honestly, without some disruption, there IS no progress. That's how it works. Things need to be shaken up a bit, and then adjusted to, and then shaken up again. You don't want the whole house of cards to fall down at once, of course, but fixing the foundation requires some movement, and maybe a card or two might fall or shift or settle into a more stable configuration--and the movement will be scary while it's happening.
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Re: Changing meds changing alters?

Postby Purplesky » Fri Oct 22, 2021 2:02 am

it's not something i have experienced, more just when big life changes happen, they go quiet, but i have not had meds affect who is around.
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Re: Changing meds changing alters?

Postby ArbreMonde » Fri Oct 22, 2021 6:14 am

We have the experience of meds and surgeries modifying who fronts when.

We were given a medication that was not appropriate for us years ago, which triggered Zami (very anxious part from the subsystem Zamiel) to be completely alone fronting for weeks. This was a recipe for disaster. Even though we were not aware of having DID back then we were very aware that the molecule was trapping us in an unhealthy functionning pattern, so we stopped taking it.

At the beginning of the month we had a transition surgery which lead to a better stability of the whole system, less switches, more blending between me and Zamiel, less dissociative symptoms overall. We became aware that not only the "trauma" trauma was making us dissociate, but also the "this body is not up to date" trauma, hidden behind the first one as well as layers of cisnormativity.

Therefore, it does not surprise me that any change in life including a change of meds can lead to any change within the system, who fronts when, and so on.

Learn to share skills between yourselves and you will be good to go no matter who fronts when.
__
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Re: Changing meds changing alters?

Postby SamsLand » Sat Oct 23, 2021 3:45 pm

Thank you for your reply, you are such a supportive community. Your experiences have been really helpful.

I am starting to question how much the meds were helping and how much was me fronting more. The fact is in the last week I have become completely overwhelmed with 40SYO life and responsibilities - I am in way over my head and the coping and escape mechanisms are not suitable at the point in our lives. Why is she not here? Or able to front. Did she already give up with this difficult past year. (If I ask her she feels totally out of control, not in control and scared, that inside is chaotic and tumultuous, and feels completely let down that she thought the meds were helping and now worried they are contributing to the chaos). But I don't feel like it is either of us making a choice on fronting.

Like In my time, I could completely break the house of cards down because it was one level, but now the life is so complex with so many moving parts and dependencies, my comfortable strategies would be disastrous.

As a consequence I feel super trapped, super uncomfortable with life and unable to use my coping mechanisms, which I am in agreement with that they are dated and unhealthy.

My urge is to lash out, act out run away. I know I cannot act on this. Next session will definitely have to be devoted to these feeling. But I sort of know why. This is not my life (in relation to external commitments and demands) and I am not capable of handling this. I also feel scared and dont know what to do.

Thanks for being here,
Kit
keep ya head up, Don't let up, keep slayin em
-eminem

not sure what the point was.
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Re: Changing meds changing alters?

Postby ArbreMonde » Sat Oct 23, 2021 6:03 pm

Do not hesitate to talk to your T about the help you need to stabilize the daily life. It is completely part of the DID therapy (phase 1).

Good luck.
__
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Key: ♂ he/him | ♀ she/her | ɸ they/them

Social: Zamiel ɸ (complex fusion) or Daniel ♂ɸ (Zamiel + David)
Self-care: David ♂
Managers: The Mirror ♂ (inner self-helper) - Isaïa ♂ ("trauma-sitter") - Theia ♀ (gatekeeper)
Trauma holders: Pride|Wrath ♂ - Lust ♀ - Reyna ♀ - Ulysses ɸ

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Re: Changing meds changing alters?

Postby SamsLand » Sat Oct 23, 2021 9:47 pm

Thanks Daniel,

It is really hard to accept going back to phase 1 having not been there for a while.
keep ya head up, Don't let up, keep slayin em
-eminem

not sure what the point was.
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