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LOOKING FOR LIKE MINDED INDIVIDUALS ... PLEASE

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LOOKING FOR LIKE MINDED INDIVIDUALS ... PLEASE

Postby WeAreMeStrong » Fri Oct 15, 2021 12:08 am

We are a system of 6 . i believe.
2 men and 4 women/girls. Maybe more but not that were aware of.
2 of our alters are incarecerated. You can feel the difference from their absence.
1 of my alters is very angry, mean, and violent.
This alter is based upon my abuser.
My abuser (not my alter) recently committed murder.
My male alter is now also incarcerated and i miss him every single day.
We have visitation through the mirror every few days.
He still fronts , which is odd. But greatly appreciated.
I wish my alter didnt have to suffer from that #####& mistake.
Have any of you created your alter based upon a real person ?
I have so many questions...
I dont know if what im feeling is normal.
No one believes I have d.i.d, let alone supports me.
Which is ok ... somedays i dont even believe it.
But more understanding would be appropriate .
And that stuff is rare now a days.
I find myself receeding into my shell further and further.
And its hard to dig out once your neck deep.
My most recent "Break" well call it ... came 2 years ago.
My ex busted my face and my mind split in a panic.
After that, every day i found myself talking to myself.
Still with my abuser, but now being fluffed up.
We (my alters and i) use to agree, disagree to stay with him.
Some of us more head strong to walk away.
Before my abuser went to jail... my male alter was angry . i mean very angry .
Like ready to kill someone or himself.
A couple of us were.
But the most rage came from his side.
Its not even my alters fault. But there he sits, dealing with the reprecussions.
Im so alone without him.
Our system isnt the same without you babe :(
Im sorry if i get off track.
Our stystem is nice, funny, serious, sweet, loving, hating, courageous, weak, introverted, and chill.
Looking for like minded people that can verify that this is normal.
I hate to say it but i need validity .
Like ... Is it normal that we actually shrink and stretch?
1 of us has a dimple. The others ... I dont think they do.
! of us has a long a** neck ...LOL.
Me, I have a short stumpy neck and no dimple.
Its just such an odd experience to be having and not knowing if youre just crazy ...
Or if what youre living is reality.
And the loneliness that comes from this disorder... having to protect us all.
Its rare to find good, understanding people.
So if you are 1 please reach out.
Our little is 6 and I would also love to find good hearted littles to hang with her.
Sorry for Rambling.
Have a good day.
Im the host btw. Im Nichole ... HEY :)
Talk soon .
Last edited by Snaga on Fri Oct 15, 2021 12:52 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: LOOKING FOR LIKE MINDED INDIVIDUALS ... PLEASE

Postby Arik » Fri Oct 15, 2021 1:13 am

WeAreMeStrong wrote:Have any of you created your alter based upon a real person ?

I have an alternate personality whose life and history are different from mine yet parallels mine. It was through her I was able to express emotions I was otherwise unable to express.
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Re: LOOKING FOR LIKE MINDED INDIVIDUALS ... PLEASE

Postby ConcealDontFeel » Fri Oct 15, 2021 5:30 am

We are not entirely sure what exactly you're asking in terms of what experience you want to know if others have had as this post bounced around too much for us to follow (not a judgment, we're just exhausted these days and lacking the mental energy).

That said, I think every system is unique to itself, but that you'd find a range of people who would express sharing similar experiences as your system. Not identical, but similar.

We have a range of very angry alters and one we do keep chained up as a system and there's even an alter who exists just to keep her chained up. She has fronted and done harm, but she's a tiger, she reacts as a threatened animal does. Another alter we find a bit scarier - she takes delight in human suffering. She's never caused any, but she's the type to laugh at a tragic news story for example. She likes the idea of humans dying.

As they are part of the system they do, like all of us, "represent" us. It's not okay to treat some alters like they are not part of the group or are undesired. Angry/scary alters serve a purpose too and need to be accepted just like any of the rest of us. We would define our system as deeply empathic and caring overall, but we'd also define our system as extremely angry - it is possible to be both, especially when you've been hurt so much, so often, and/or by so many.

We hate that our one alter is chained up, but we don't know how to have her be part of the system in a healthy way at this time. We want to, but we're not there yet, so we get you there.
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Re: LOOKING FOR LIKE MINDED INDIVIDUALS ... PLEASE

Postby ArbreMonde » Fri Oct 15, 2021 7:36 am

First of all, you will find ressources on dissociation, how to manage alters, what is DID therapy, how to work at home between the therapy sessions to get better faster... on this thread. dissociative-identity/topic219302.html

WeAreMeStrong wrote:This alter is based upon my abuser.


This is called an introjection. It is a way for your brain to protect yourself. By creating a copy of the abuser, you can better anticipate what the abuser will say and do, which is important for survival. There is also a weird logic that if the introjection of the abuser is mean to the rest of the system, then the physical abuser will no longer "need to" abuse you, and it will be less painful to self-attack than to be attacked by an outsider. It is a protection mechanism.

WeAreMeStrong wrote:My male alter is now also incarcerated and i miss him every single day.
We have visitation through the mirror every few days.
He still fronts , which is odd. But greatly appreciated.
I wish my alter didnt have to suffer from that #####& mistake.


He does not. He is a different person. He looks a lot like your abuser, but he is not him. He is a protector who took the abuser's shape and voice in order to protect you.

It can take a lot of time and work in order to untangle the whole situation. If you have access to a DID therapist, they can help you with it. The next best thing is to read DID books describing the therapy process and find what you can do by yourself/ves. Be careful doing so though, some things are too complicated to do by yourself/ves and if something feels wrong stop immediately. It's better to wait a bit more untill you have access to a proper DID therapist than to hurt yourself/ves. Take your time to focus first and foremost on the "stabilization" phase of the process, i.e. learning to manage your emotions, communicate with each-others, have a healthy lifestyle, and so on. Self-care is important.

WeAreMeStrong wrote:Have any of you created your alter based upon a real person ?


And fictive ones too! What a brain on DID can do is fascinating.

WeAreMeStrong wrote:I dont know if what im feeling is normal.
No one believes I have d.i.d, let alone supports me.
Which is ok ... somedays i dont even believe it.


Dissociation can lead to experience a confusing rollercoaster of emotions. It is confusing but normal when you are dissociated. The phase 1 of the treatment (stabilization) includes learning how to manage it all, among other things.

DID does not at all look like what we picture it to look like. Most people see the documentaries and movies about the very few DID persons with very obvious switches and very strong amnesia walls between the switches, and imagine all DID looks like that. You will find in the ISSTD Guidelines (see the thread I linked earlier) that circa 95% of DID people are invisible to the untrained eye. A lot of DID people spend most their lives without realizing they have DID!

Moreover, denial is part of the DID too because it helps protecting yourself/ves from the pain of accepting you had a troubled childhood. It is a normal trauma-related mechanism. Baby steps. Things will come back when you will be ready to see them. Do not force it.

WeAreMeStrong wrote:But more understanding would be appropriate .


You are in the right place. We have the afore-linked thread to share references of books etc. that are interesting, and we support each-others. Just make sure to use the "Trigger warnings" when talking about sensitive things and you'll be fine.

WeAreMeStrong wrote:Still with my abuser, but now being fluffed up.
We (my alters and i) use to agree, disagree to stay with him.
Some of us more head strong to walk away.


Trauma bonding is a very strong thing and it makes us confused because we want to leave (to protect ourselves) and stay (to befriend the abuser and make the abuse stop) at the same time. It takes a lot of support and self-compassion in order to gather the courage to do what is right for our safety. (Most of the time the only long-term safety plan is to leave, it is very rare that an abuser suddently realizes they are behaving badly and choose to change long-term and stop being abusive forever - sometimes they stop for a little while, and start again, then stop, and start, and it makes it all the most difficult for the victim to untangle themself from it all! )

WeAreMeStrong wrote:But the most rage came from his side.
Its not even my alters fault. But there he sits, dealing with the reprecussions.
Im so alone without him.


It is a normal mechanism of the brain to try to deal with all the anger and guilt of it all. But you know, your alter is a different person. No matter how much he'll stay in jail in the Innerworld, or punish himself, or anything else, it will have no influence on the person he is an introjection of.

The other way around is true too.

The outside abuser can be as mean as he wants to, your alter will be innocent of it all. Because he is a different person. He can evolve differently, learn different things, behave differently. He can also decide upon changing his name, or his appearance (haircut, tattoo, clothes...) as much as he wants to in order to show that he is a different person.

Your alter is innocent. He might feel guilty because he might still feel linked to your outside abuser, but he is a different person. An "alternative universe" version if you prefer. He can choose to be whoever he wants to be. Which means he can become a better person than your abuser is. He can become, for the rest of the system, the person your abuser was supposed to be if he had been a good person.

WeAreMeStrong wrote:Our stystem is nice, funny, serious, sweet, loving, hating, courageous, weak, introverted, and chill.
Looking for like minded people that can verify that this is normal.


Welcome to DID land where everything and nothing is normal. Or if you prefer: each system is different because each system comes from a different brain and a different life story. This diversity has of course many core similarities, among the ressources from the books thread, "The haunted self" is the one who explains the theory behind dissociation the most. Others ressources are more therapy-oriented.

WeAreMeStrong wrote:I hate to say it but i need validity .


We all do. It is very brave to admit it.

WeAreMeStrong wrote:Like ... Is it normal that we actually shrink and stretch?
1 of us has a dimple. The others ... I dont think they do.
! of us has a long a** neck ...LOL.
Me, I have a short stumpy neck and no dimple.


Dissociation, derealization and depersonnalization can make you feel a lot of funky things. If you find them uncomfortable or stressful, try to have a look at anchoring exercises, they help.

It is also normal that different alters have different shapes in the Innerworld, and experience their "true body" as phantom sensations when they front. As an example, one of us is an introjection of the Pokémon Mewtwo. They are forbidden to front during the shower because last time it happened, their phantom sensation of their tail was so strong, they almost slipped in the shower trying to grab the tail to wash it.

WeAreMeStrong wrote:Its just such an odd experience to be having and not knowing if youre just crazy ...
Or if what youre living is reality.


If you have trouble staying anchored into the physical world, I strongly advise you to seek a DID specialist who will help you through anchoring exercises to help you discriminate between the Innerworld events and the physical world's events. They can also help you check if you might have other things atop of DID that require a different, additional treatment.

WeAreMeStrong wrote:Its rare to find good, understanding people.
So if you are 1 please reach out.


No need to reach out to you: you already reached out to this forum. Welcome. You are among peers.

WeAreMeStrong wrote:Our little is 6 and I would also love to find good hearted littles to hang with her.


There are threads for the Littles to chat together.

WeAreMeStrong wrote:Im the host btw. Im Nichole ... HEY :)
Talk soon .


I am glad I got to meet you Nichole. I am Daniel, the blending of David and Zamiel, who themself is the blending/fusion of many other alters (Uriel, Zami, G/Hosties, Envy...). It sometimes feel like we are "Russian dolls" but well, that's DID for you. The strange things are normal here - though some of them need to be addressed because they are problematic for everyday functionning, such as depersonalization and derealization or traumatic flashbacks.
__
Daniel.
Key: ♂ he/him | ♀ she/her | ɸ they/them

Social: Zamiel ɸ (complex fusion) or Daniel ♂ɸ (Zamiel + David)
Self-care: David ♂
Managers: The Mirror ♂ (inner self-helper) - Isaïa ♂ ("trauma-sitter") - Theia ♀ (gatekeeper)
Trauma holders: Pride|Wrath ♂ - Lust ♀ - Reyna ♀ - Ulysses ɸ

Journey thread
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Re: LOOKING FOR LIKE MINDED INDIVIDUALS ... PLEASE

Postby Arik » Fri Oct 15, 2021 8:03 pm

ArbreMonde wrote:
WeAreMeStrong wrote:Have any of you created your alter based upon a real person ?


And fictive ones too! What a brain on DID can do is fascinating.

How the interworld mimics the real world still blows my mind. I already mention that what I remember the most about Samantha's funeral is the weather.

Another time, on the day and around the time Jeanette's dad died in the crash, I experienced a psychic scream. I don't know how my subconscious mind could know anything about a psychic scream. How on earth could I possibly experience a psychic scream around the time of the crash?
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