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Does it sound like DID or OSDD? (Possible trigger)

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Does it sound like DID or OSDD? (Possible trigger)

Postby donna1995 » Fri Sep 24, 2021 7:15 pm

Hello. I would like to share my experience with you. I thnik I suffer from DID or OSDD, but my doctor insist that I suffer from psychosis not otherwise specified. Let me tell you my story from the beginning.

As a child (since I was 5 years old), I would daydream a lot. I remember having very vivid imagination, with sexual content, and in my imagiantion I was a man. I remember being confused as far as my gender and my sexual orientation is concerned. I sometimes felt like a girl, sometimes like a boy, and sometimes like a child with no specific gender. As far as sex is concerned, I prefered girls. But emotionally I prefered boys. I am 26 years old, and I still cant combine sex and emotions in my mind.

As time passed, I started daydreming more and more every day. I liked adopting roles and acting as if I was talking to imaginary people. When I was thirteen I started suffering from posttraumatic stress disorder and one year later I started suffering from OCD. It was then that I started feeling that I have another self that wanted to kill me. A self that pressed me to be perfect at everything. A self that hit me and speaking aloud to me in bad words when I was not pretty good at one thing or another. However, this self was not always present. He woke up some days and did all those thing described above. I have to admit that when he woke up, the only way for me to stop him was to daydream.

As an adolescent, I sometimes liked looking like a boy and I started wanting to be a boy again. I liked being dressed like a punk, like a hippie or like a girl. There were also times when I felt as if some parts of my body were absent.

Everything seemed to be fine for some years, but when I was twenty years old I fell in love with my teacher and one year later everything changed. I started suffering from tachycardia that lasted 30 minutes each time. When this happened, I was very angry or had suicidal thoughts. After these explosios, I was so calm, like a little chlid. As times passed, things became worse. I started having very intense mood changes and I started behaving like many different persons. Some months, later, I recalled a traumatic event after 18 years. I knew something was wrong. So I started reading about various disorders, including DID. That evening I went to bed, but I could not sleep at all, because the persons I used to behave like, made their appearance in my inner world, having their own voices. This situation was continued and the persons started having specific appearances, age and so on. There were times when I did not recognise my family, my self, my friends. Times when I did not remember what I did some minures or days earlier. Times when I felt that I watch my self out of my body.

I finally received antipsychotis, and after 2,5 years, the persons stopped existing in my mind. However, during the last two weeks, things changed. I started having many of the thing described above. After receiving higher doses of pills, I can say I am fine now. Howver, I still belive that I might not suffer from pshychosis. What do you think? Please, let me know. It would be helpful.
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Re: Does it sound like DID or OSDD? (Possible trigger)

Postby Purplesky » Sat Sep 25, 2021 12:44 am

DID develops in early childhood due to repeat and/or prolonged trauma. A child could still dissociate in general or use maladaptive daydreaming (like it sounds like you did) as a coping mechanism. Struggling with gender identity also can sometimes be as a result of abuse/trauma.

Medications generally do not affect DID like you say, for most people anyway, so I would agree with your doctor since you say that those voices go away when you are on the medication.

Maybe you could see a trauma therapist or someone who is able to help you sort through some of these things.
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Re: Does it sound like DID or OSDD? (Possible trigger)

Postby ArbreMonde » Sat Sep 25, 2021 12:31 pm

Daydreaming are part of the dissociative coping mechanisms. They can also be used to cope with gender dysphoria when one is transgender (binary or non-binary or fluid). Though gender fluidity can also be experienced by dissociative people due to switches.

The split attraction between romance and sexuality is not relevant in my opinion as anyone can experience different directions of attraction for different types of attraction (sexual, romantic, aesthetic, sensual and platonic being the main types of attraction to my knowledge).

OCD can be consistent with PTSD. PTSD is understood as a form of dissociation according to the structural dissociation theory. Trauma-related dissociation (no matter the level of dissociation) can lead to experiencing different "selves" pushing and pulling into different directions.

Feeling that body parts are absent, or that the body is shaped differently, or experiencing supernumerary phantom body parts are consistent with dissociation - if I am not mistaken they are from the "depersonalization" family of symptoms.

The change of heart rythm coming together with changes of thought patterns and types of behaviors is also consistent with dissociation. If you do not experience radical identity changes it might be more OSDD than DID but both are treated the same way so, it is not really relevent to know which is which when you go towards therapy.

Not recognizing people around you depending on which part of you is fronting, is also consistent with a dissociative disorder. So is the amnesia.

Antipsychotics do not work for dissociative pseudo-hallucinations. However, taking antipsychotics when one experiences "positive schneiderian symptoms" (hallucinating the other alters or their voices) can make dissociation even worse. We experienced taking antipsychotics, it stopped the hallucinatory symptoms but is also stuck an hypervigilent part in the front, making our everyday life even worse.

To an untrained eye, psychosis and hallucinatory dissociative symptoms can look the same. However, the mechanism and meaning behind them is very different and they are treated very differently.

I cannot diagnose you through Internet for many reasons. But what you describe is consistent with dissociative symptoms. I therefore advise you to seek a differential diagnosis with a person trained with trauma-related dissociation. (Note: the "trauma" from "trauma-related dissociation" can be as "mild" as not recieving enough cuddles as a baby. Babies have high needs in attention and cuddles and safe attachment. If they do not recieve the proper care, they can develop a disorganized attachment which is a higher predictor of dissociation in adults than childhood trauma is. Meaning that, child without trauma but with dizorganized attachment has a higher chance of becoming OSDD or DID once adult, than a child with childhood trauma but a safe attachment.)

One of the differences between dissociative voices and psychotic voices is that, dissociative voices answer when you talk to them, step back if you ask them to, talk to you about many things... While psychotic voices remain unchanged or worsen if you try to interact with them, and they mostly talk about what you are thinking / interacting with at any given time.

This is NOT enough to make a differential diagnosis! But it is important to seek a professional who can give you said differential diagnosis. Treating a DID person like a psychotic one, or the other way around, can give terrible results! It is important to seek the proper treatment.

If you think you are not getting the proper treatment - and what you express is, to my knowledge, consistent with dissociation rather than psychosis, KEEP IN MIND I AM NOT A TRAINED PROFESSIONAL AND AM ONLY TALKING FROM MY LITTLE KNOWLEDGE AND YOUR SHORT TESTIMONY - go get a differential diagnosis as soon as possible.

If it turns out the first doctor was right - well, it never hurts to get a second opinion. If it turns out the first doctor was mistaken - the sooner you are redirected towards the proper treatment, the better.

Good luck.
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Re: Does it sound like DID or OSDD? (Possible trigger)

Postby TeddyBear the helper » Sat Sep 25, 2021 12:47 pm

donna1995 wrote:As a child (since I was 5 years old), I would daydream a lot. I remember having very vivid imagination, with sexual content, and in my imagiantion I was a man.


it is not normal to know anything about , or be very interested in sex, in that age. staff at kindergardens are usually instructed to watch for such behaviour when kids play since it is a sign of potential abuse.
And sexual abuse in that age would very likely lead to DID.

I finally received antipsychotis, and after 2,5 years, the persons stopped existing in my mind. However, during the last two weeks, things changed. I started having many of the thing described above. After receiving higher doses of pills, I can say I am fine now. Howver, I still belive that I might not suffer from pshychosis. What do you think? Please, let me know. It would be helpful.


antipsychotics do affect the brain itself, and therefore has some effect even on DID, as well as it has some effect on the personality of any random joe on the street. however, it doesnt affect an absent psychosis as effective as it would affect a real psychosis.
It may also have a secondary effect on the others in that they stay away because they know you take medication for them to stay away, and therefore chooses to stay away.
-almost without exceptions, everyone in a did system has a deep love for all the others in the system, even if their behaviour may make it look otherwise.

But the rest you talk about could very well be a sign of DID, it sounds rather typical, so i would urge you to go to a did therapist and talk about it. there may very well be tormented souls who live in the background and who needs professional help with their traumas, as well as the relationships between eachother.
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Re: Does it sound like DID or OSDD? (Possible trigger)

Postby Dwelt » Sat Sep 25, 2021 4:19 pm

I agree with the idea that you should seek another opinion from someone trained to make the difference between DID/dissociative disorders and psychosis. Since medication seemed to have an effect on you, you might fall in the "need a proper diagnosis tool to sort this out" category.
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