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Updated Journey Thread (Ponyta)

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Updated Journey Thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Tue Sep 14, 2021 3:19 am

We are NOT doing good. The inner world is acting REALLY strange. I mentioned in the other thread about 100 of us (in our inner world) all of a sudden vanishing. I feel completely crazy regarding that, and worry that I even mentioned it period. Probably because last time something like that happened (BUT on a much, MUCH lower scale, only about 25-30 insiders then), our T (Our old one), REALLY triggered us. She said something really upsetting and VERY triggering (rather not say because I would need to put a huge trigger warning in this message, it was that bad. So we are scared to even mention about the huge vanishing episode. We feel our new T would be more understanding, but even we are scared to mention it to them.

According to one of the protectors, this is normal, and not concerning (because according to him everyone (including the "vanished ones") is/are still alright despite there being a huge "merge event"). BUT it has me majorly worried, despite what he is saying. He claims it has been happening on and off for years. I don't know what to think. I mean, I believe him, but I'm not feeling so great about what is happening.

Last time all 30 returned within a few months of "merging", BUT this time I feel (I have a really strong feeling) like it stuck this time. That is what I'm worried about. Strange thing is I feel new ones are coming now. I saw one today.

Is it possible they merged somehow into "new" insiders? Or maybe that's just a coincidence.
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Re: Updated Journey Thread (Ponyta)

Postby ArbreMonde » Tue Sep 14, 2021 6:33 am

If it can reassure you, some of us are presently "vanishing" too due to integration therapy.

But it is not really "vanishing" per se, just like your protector said.

The social alters fused into me. Meaning that they are not "vanished" we are just so close and so similar, it's impossible to tell the difference between us, we act as one. So we now use the same "body" in the Innerworld and the same name outside.

Some others have been "re-distributed" so to speak. Their functions and memories are now in other alters, and the Mirror keeps their "shell", the "identity" part of them. I dunno how to explain? But it does not feel sad or gruesome, it feels like "there is a piece of them inside of every one of us and it's comforting because they are not gone, they are still here but under another shape". Though I understand that for other people/system this kind of event can be confusing and sad.

A lot of our trauma holders are becoming more at peace so they feel asleep in a deeper layer of the Innerworld; waiting for the therapy to reach the "let's tackle the traumas" time. So when we try to reach them inside it's like they are on voicemail.

I hope that talking about my/our experience will help you make sense of your own!
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Social: Zamiel ɸ (complex fusion & trauma holder)
Self-care: David ♂
Managers: The Mirror ♂ (inner self-helper) - Isaïa ♂ ("trauma-sitter") - Theia ♀ (gatekeeper)
Trauma holders: Pride|Wrath ♂ - Lust ♀ - Reyna ♀ - Ulysses ɸ

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Re: Updated Journey Thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Fri Sep 17, 2021 12:48 am

Thank you Zamiel! We greatly appreciate your reply! :)

We hope everything goes well for all of you. We appreciate that you shared your experience with us. Thanks again!
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Re: Updated Journey Thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Fri Sep 17, 2021 1:01 am

I don't know what to think about everything. Things are shifting around like crazy (in our inner world). Some who vanished came back, only to vanish yet again. Some new ones came for one day, and then vanished too. The inner world itself is moving around. I don't know if that is good or bad. It's kinda scary right now though. :(

The inner world moving is New. I mean the ground is literally moving at random times. That is causing some serious concern due to what is happening in result, but still the protectors seem to feel everything is going to be fine. Anyone else experience strange happenings in their inner world (like the ground rearranging)? I mean it is literally moving everything with it, and it (the landscape) seems to maybe be getting larger, for some reason. Is it possible the inner world itself is "resetting" or something like that, somehow?
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Re: Updated Journey Thread (Ponyta)

Postby ArbreMonde » Fri Sep 17, 2021 7:52 am

If it can help you, our Innerworld keeps evolving through time. It is something we got used to. Though I do understand it can be scary and unsettling if it is unusual for you.
__
David.
Key: ♂ he/him | ♀ she/her | ɸ they/them

Social: Zamiel ɸ (complex fusion & trauma holder)
Self-care: David ♂
Managers: The Mirror ♂ (inner self-helper) - Isaïa ♂ ("trauma-sitter") - Theia ♀ (gatekeeper)
Trauma holders: Pride|Wrath ♂ - Lust ♀ - Reyna ♀ - Ulysses ɸ

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Re: Updated Journey Thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Fri Sep 17, 2021 10:57 pm

Thank you, David!
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