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How does your life look very successful from the outside?

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Re: How does your life look very successful from the outside?

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Fri Jul 30, 2021 9:29 pm

Thanks, Jolly jo. I always appreciate your comments.

Other people probably notice or wonder much less than you think they do. For the most part, they probably admire the successful aspects and don't really pay much attention to the other things.

I agree with how hard it is to hide so much. I saw two young teen girls interacting with each other in a class I was in recently--talking to each other during a break, and also communicating with their eyes above their masks. Wanting to be seen by the other person.

I was hiding so much even at that age--I don't recall ever really looking people in the eye with the goal of communicating myself to them. I struggle so much with this in therapy--trying to be seen by the T. It feels like I've been hiding for my whole life so I can hold on to and protect who I am--who we are. To have someone else see me/us seems so dangerous.
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Re: How does your life look very successful from the outside?

Postby IainEtc » Sat Jul 31, 2021 1:04 am

Hi,

Host is so good at looking NORMAL it's SCARY! He made super good grades and got 2 graduate degrees. He's usually helping other people and never ever ever asks for help. He also goes around paranoid we'll come out and ruin everything so he's like super uptight all the time - like freaking panic attacks uptight. But only when no one is looking. Everybody sees him travelling around (before COVID) doing talks and having some really important people doing what he tells them to save their companies. Pretty cool! Except if he forgets to pack Evan's stuffie nobody sleeps in the hotel room. He feels numb and fake most of the time except with our T when he can tell her he's scared and multiple and lost.

Oh and we probably couldn't pull this off without a whole lot of privilege.

Iain
Iain - 14, Colin - 17, Evan - 7, Cody - 16, Raven, & Host - the adult out front

When they say 'be yourself',
which one do they mean?
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Re: How does your life look very successful from the outside?

Postby spinningtops » Sat Jul 31, 2021 11:37 am

One thing i noticed since i have a T now, I have what I think are alters that are trying to smooth out and cover up issues. Like when I go to try to talk about things that are happening, my mind will blank out and i will have a really hard time explaining the problems and i know if i wasn't seeing them, I would be able to think about them fine. I have been trying all kinds of things, notes and the like.
And when I sort of feel into this, it's like hey our job is to make you look normal to others, we're doing our job! :/
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Re: How does your life look very successful from the outside?

Postby ArbreMonde » Sat Jul 31, 2021 3:50 pm

spinningtops wrote:One thing i noticed since i have a T now, I have what I think are alters that are trying to smooth out and cover up issues. Like when I go to try to talk about things that are happening, my mind will blank out and i will have a really hard time explaining the problems and i know if i wasn't seeing them, I would be able to think about them fine. I have been trying all kinds of things, notes and the like.
And when I sort of feel into this, it's like hey our job is to make you look normal to others, we're doing our job! :/


It is indeed a protection mechanism that is sometimes difficult to walk around in therapy.

Good luck. You can do this. Maybe talk with your T about this specific issue? They might have specific solutions for it.
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Re: How does your life look very successful from the outside?

Postby Zigzagoon » Sun Aug 01, 2021 1:57 pm

We're privileged, but not successful. Grew up in wealthy household in a nice neighborhood, host was gifted in a lot of subjects, got bullied in middle school (probably causing me to form), suffered from mental health issues, recovered for a little bit, suffered from mental issues again including me appearing, dropped out of highschool. Now we're a 24 year old in college with no job and still dependent on our mother for money.

We're gonna be successful one day though. I'll make sure of that. Failure isn't an option.

--Trickster
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Re: How does your life look very successful from the outside?

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Sun Aug 01, 2021 5:29 pm

Thanks, Iain. And spinningtops.

Trickster, part of the point of this post was the pain of looking successful (as society defines it) from the outside, but still being in a lot of pain constantly on the inside. It's good to work on your education, and to eventually be able to support yourself, if you can, but try to figure out what sorts of things meet everyone's needs on the inside as well as trying to be successful on the outside. Because it's possible to be everything that society judges as successful, and still feel like a complete failure.
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Re: How does your life look very successful from the outside?

Postby IainEtc » Mon Aug 02, 2021 9:36 am

Hi,

This is a cool thread. I think there are a lot more of us high functioning multiples around than people even know about. I bet they wouldn't believe we could do all the stuff we do. I mean you and Host are doing tons of cool stuff.

Everybody thinks if you're 'successful' you're happy. Not really. We were probably happier when we weren't so 'successful'. Less pressure + more time. Host works so HARD to be successful. I wish he'd slow down and chill out.

Iain
Iain - 14, Colin - 17, Evan - 7, Cody - 16, Raven, & Host - the adult out front

When they say 'be yourself',
which one do they mean?
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Re: How does your life look very successful from the outside?

Postby birdsong87 » Tue Aug 03, 2021 9:26 am

We are certainly not back to high functioning. the big breakdown put a dent into that.
But we live in a weird world where we are seen as the mental health expert. People write us to ask for advice a lot. we regularly have therapists or organizations ask us if we could be their new supervisor. Somehow the way we teach makes people believe that we have our $#%^ together instead of just reading a lot.

In clinics we automatically end up in leadership over groups. we know how to create safe spaces for people to be themselves and help contain trauma stuff so the group is a success for everyone. Usually people think of us as a therapist. Sometimes random people put down their therapy book in front of us so we can sign that they were present. they just assume we must be the T in the room.
At the same time Asti dies from shame. she thinks we are crippled, something ugly and deformed because of the splits. she hides everything as if her life depends on it. when the T told her there is nothing to be ashamed of, and you could feel that he meant it with all his heart, she just got angry, as if he just couldn't understand... when he asked what she is so afraid of she ran.

what most people see in us is a single woman you writes a lot of helpful stuff and offers support to other people. Successful, smart, kind and put together. what we worked on in the clinic was gruesome stuff, wild out of control expressions in some parts, explosive inner dynamics etc. we aren't anyone to look up to. we are just muddling through like anyone else. the messages we get often confuse the hell out of us.
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Re: How does your life look very successful from the outside?

Postby Amythyst » Tue Aug 03, 2021 4:11 pm

we own a house & a car & somehow manage to pay bills mostly ontime & people look @ that & think were sucessful & stuff

& we know we got super lucky with alot of stuff & we also went thru alot of suffering & struggling & stuff & ignored our health & social skills & all the stuff that makes being alive fun

close friends know whats going on under the surface tho & know its all just a shiny veneer overtop of the complete disaster that our life is behind the scenes

but ya most people think oh shes doing good shes succesful
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Re: How does your life look very successful from the outside?

Postby Zigzagoon » Mon Aug 09, 2021 7:17 pm

TheGangsAllHere wrote:Thanks, Iain. And spinningtops.

Trickster, part of the point of this post was the pain of looking successful (as society defines it) from the outside, but still being in a lot of pain constantly on the inside. It's good to work on your education, and to eventually be able to support yourself, if you can, but try to figure out what sorts of things meet everyone's needs on the inside as well as trying to be successful on the outside. Because it's possible to be everything that society judges as successful, and still feel like a complete failure.


....I'm aware. We're neither.

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