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Years into the DID journey

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Years into the DID journey

Postby missy7 » Thu May 13, 2021 2:46 am

Wondering what struggles you may still have after years of therapy. Do you find yourselves still having overwhelmed moments like arguing between alters.Times where it feels like you have to come to the realization you have a system. Your on a roll for a long time where you feel you got it,then get stuck with a alter? Just looking to connect myself again with others that have DID.
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Re: Years into the DID journey

Postby KitMcDaydream » Fri May 14, 2021 7:37 am

Hi

I am the original of this body (first born into it) which is female. I am in my 50's and have had several hosts fronting throughout my life (particulary in my younger days as I struggled to cope with school,college,work).

I've never had therapy specifically for having multiples but then no-one picked up on it (maybe cos I have Autism too and those behaviours kind of hid the fact it was sometimes different people doing things)

I had counselling for other things but the 'others' never came out once and the host up front at the time only knew themselves as a single. They have since left but left their memories of their time out front in our memory vaults.

Looking back with access to almost everyone's memories I can see enough that every host that came out and took over helped us advance in some way and took us once step further than the last. eg one helped with education and learning, another took over for work, another made more progress on the 'social skills' front.

I spend more time up front myself at the minute as I have no social commitments and life is quiet and calm. We have one blend of myself and another that is the older version of me now. My youngest child alter likes to blend with me now there is more of a calmness to our nature. We aren't so terrified of the world but still wary.

As a female the menopause has been tough and the system was all over the place with no permanent full time host. We didn't like social engagements, the last host had a breakdown and returned to the inside so others randomly came out to 'pretend to be her' when we needed someone to do so. It was chaos for a good few years!

It's not over yet but we have managed to regain order. I came back, merged with another to be the full time host once again. But I have a young mind and I enjoy the joy that the littles and younger alters bring over simple things. They make gaming fun to play through their eyes so I let them come forward frequently as we spend a lot of time alone due to isolation and the pandemic situation.

And one has an absolutely incredible imagination it's like being in a virtual reality headset when they're up front doing their 'imaginings'. Anywhere you want to be they can transport you to.

It's made getting through 14 months of lockdowns less lonely and boring anyway! The body is not as strong as it once was, Covid is a huge risk to it if we were to get it, so we have no contact with anyone other than one sibling and their partner (as our support bubble for emergencies).

Personally I have found my system has helped me alot, some things I just would never have achieved without an alter doing that part for me.

Host SM
Body - 50+ female
Psych Board team - Jody (19 f, h), Phoenix (12 gn ch), Susie (6 f, h)
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Re: Years into the DID journey

Postby Jolly jo » Sat May 15, 2021 6:53 pm

Hi missy7
Good question! I have known a lot my DID for about 10 years and have had 20 years of therapy. When I look back right to the beginning of therapy I have clearly come a long way. I am more stable and the dips are not as low or as long. I know I have DID and I know why but I still struggle with denial from time to time.
I have always struggled to engage with the others and develop a working relationship with them. Its not so bitter now and I am more aware but still wish they would go away - some more than others.
What has become apparent is that my biggest hurdle is getting over attachment/trust issues to the point I have no friends and am chronically lonely.
Life remains hard but I don’t usually feel a sense of emergency and impending doom. I am not suicidal any more.
I would be interested to hear from others too.
Diagnosed DID with a few other states.
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Re: Years into the DID journey

Postby spinningtops » Sun May 16, 2021 2:20 am

um not much in therapy and the therapist as far as i can tell is not a did therapist. but um, one thing is i became aware that i have two main alters that just generally always are there, and i did not know about both of them when i was younger, i thought it was more they switched off, which maybe they did then, but now it seems like they both are always there. knowing that helps me understand some of my choices better, knowing it comes from both of them often. so i understand a little better, though not nearly well enough! I also allow littles to express themselves a lot more. i used to deny they existed, and tried to suppress them. allowing them to exist and feel what they feel has been one of the more important things for my mental health.
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Re: Years into the DID journey

Postby missy7 » Sun May 16, 2021 2:30 am

Thank you all so much for sharing your stories. It really means a lot to us and it helps me feel not so alone in this. I know everyone’s journeys are different and I’m not trying to compare, it’s just nice to hear how other people like me are learning stretching and growing. What you like or don’t like, what works and doesn’t work. Struggles and triumphs. It’s very validating to my system to hear other stories and I thank you all.
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Re: Years into the DID journey

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Sun May 16, 2021 3:10 am

You may want to read the journey threads of some of the long-time posters on here. Some are labeled as journey threads, but others are a little harder to tell.

There's mine: "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em." And some other ones are "keep on keeping on," "need support," "tales from the world tree," "alter in love was a mystery to me." There are others that just aren't coming to mind right now (sorry to anyone I accidentally left out...).

Before I joined this forum, I spent 4-5 months obsessively reading posts here, and I found it really helpful to skim journey threads from the beginning. It definitely gave me an idea of how long treatment takes and how slow the progress can seem. :(

I also read any posts about therapy and therapists, since I discovered my DID as soon as I started therapy with someone who knew how to treat it.
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Re: Years into the DID journey

Postby missy7 » Mon May 17, 2021 2:48 am

Thank you for this great info Thegangsallhere! I really appreciate your input! I will defiantly be reading these threads!
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