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Strugling to come to terms

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Re: Strugling to come to terms

Postby ArbreMonde » Fri May 07, 2021 7:28 am

In our experience, the first step would be to make sure the whole system is in a safe place, with safe rules on how to assert boundaries towards the outside, and safe rules on how to place boundaries towards the system's behaviors in order to stay safe.

Then, getting to know how the system function as a whole, getting in touch with everyone inside, taking note of who is still trapped into trauma time and who is able to function on an everyday basis.

Taking care of the traumatized ones, helping them understand that here and now is different from there and then, helping them feel safe.

Using communication tools (sticky notes, a diary, a mock-chat app... whatever works for you) to work around amnesia and keep organized on an everyday basis.

And never, ever, hesitating to go back to the "making sure you are safe" steps whenever needed.

For a more detailed approach / suggestions, names of the types of therapy that help doing it, and other more detailed informations, there is https://www.isst-d.org/wp-content/uploa ... ED2011.pdf (Do not hesitate to read only the parts relevant for you at one point in time; sometimes reading about things you are not ready for, can be triggering.)

Good luck. You can do it. It's not that bad once you get used to it. The other alters are not "strangers in your body". They are here to help. They are the other heads of the hydra. Granted, some of them need to learn how to do it in a healthy and productive way (especially persecutors) but they can be taught. You can learn together, grow together.

It is confusing at first, when becoming aware of everyone inside, but it gets better with time.

__
Solomon.
Autistic, DID

he/him | she/her | they/them

Active alter {sub-system or fusion} :

Urielles {Uriel|Theia|Saul|Wolf(?)} -- {G/Hosts} -- {Zami} -- Envy -- X/David/Solomon/Scar -- Ulysses -- {Isaïa|Reyna} -- Mirror {Aragorn|Sherlock Holmes|...} -- {Pride|Wrath} -- Trisha -- Lust -- Hohenheim/Theo

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Re: Strugling to come to terms

Postby TheHiveMind » Sat May 08, 2021 4:58 pm

Finding a safe place is dificult. I'm unsure there is one. We are going though a tough time right now. (Relashionship issues)
Funny enough everyone seems to have banded together over it. Giving ideas and alternatives not that it really helps. We are just very confused over it all and emotional. Everyone is worried I'm going to do something stupid because of my anger problems.

Yes we need to write in the diary! I will forget. Not really sure there is anything to say. Just gotta wait for a responce from the partner and sort this out.
I really hope after all this time and everything he said he isnt cheating. We really dont want to loose him

Syra
Multiple System
Hosts: Boi (he/him) Syra (any)
Others: Raven (he/him) Lou - little (she/her) Rainar (she/her)
Persecuter: Shadow (he/him)
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Re: Strugling to come to terms

Postby TheHiveMind » Tue May 11, 2021 9:33 am

How do we get though this?

Our partner cheated and has been for 7 months prior to us finding out though a 3rd party.

No one know what to do. One of our member who was so trusting of the ex partner is just, a wreck. Another who wasnt involved but encouraged the relashionship; now is full of guilt. Even the abusive alter is at a lost his obsession has gone.

What do we do?
- Syra
Multiple System
Hosts: Boi (he/him) Syra (any)
Others: Raven (he/him) Lou - little (she/her) Rainar (she/her)
Persecuter: Shadow (he/him)
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Re: Strugling to come to terms

Postby ArbreMonde » Tue May 11, 2021 11:09 am

It is NOT your fault for trusting your partner. You all did what you thought was best to save the relationship.

But sometimes, even when we do our best, the other person does not react in a respectful way.

There is no easy way to go through this kind of situation. Hang in there, all of you. Take care of each-others.

Good luck, and all our moral support.

__
Hohenheim.
Autistic, DID

he/him | she/her | they/them

Active alter {sub-system or fusion} :

Urielles {Uriel|Theia|Saul|Wolf(?)} -- {G/Hosts} -- {Zami} -- Envy -- X/David/Solomon/Scar -- Ulysses -- {Isaïa|Reyna} -- Mirror {Aragorn|Sherlock Holmes|...} -- {Pride|Wrath} -- Trisha -- Lust -- Hohenheim/Theo

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Re: Strugling to come to terms

Postby spinningtops » Tue May 11, 2021 11:14 am

ohh i am very sorry, from what i have read on it, that really shatters your sense of trust and takes a lot to rebuild and they have to be willing to. and they have to know they did something wrong and really work to show that they won't again. that is what i have heard anyways, sorry i have not read way back so i maybe am missing something and can try to read back later.
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Re: Strugling to come to terms

Postby TheHiveMind » Thu May 13, 2021 10:52 am

Is sexual relashionships between alters a thing?

I know a few years back before I knew raven was an alter we had a relashionship of sorts. Though at the time it felt like a fantasy-daydream relashionship.
Now after we've broken up with our partner I'm finding myself submitting to shadow (persecuter) for sexual gratification.

************trigger warnings of sex and sexual abuse********

Shadow has always shown up during sexual actions. He is sadistic and has always caused pain and panic attacks when he shows up. Being with our partner helped prevent him from doing this. Now, however. There is no one to help with my hyper sex drive. So I'm turning to this alter and getting abused physically and mentally.

************ end of trigger *******************

Is this a bad thing? What can I do to stop it? Should I stop it? I did after all ask for it.

Maybe this should be in a different subject thread. I dont know.

- syra
Multiple System
Hosts: Boi (he/him) Syra (any)
Others: Raven (he/him) Lou - little (she/her) Rainar (she/her)
Persecuter: Shadow (he/him)
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Re: Strugling to come to terms

Postby ArbreMonde » Thu May 13, 2021 12:36 pm

Romantic and sexual relationships between alters are a thing. Some systems do it. Some systems don't. It depends on the system and on the alters.

**************************Content warning: mention of sexual things************************************

Any sort of abuse is a bad thing, be it from a person outside of the system, or another alter within the system. When you asked for a partner, you did not ask to be abused. There is a difference between the two. Therefore, yes, it might be a good idea to stop partnering with Shadow, untill he learns to behave in a respectful way towards others.

Power-plays are perfectly fine, as long as they are power-plays and the boundaries of everybody are respected. The content of the play needs to be discussed beforehand, a safe-word is needed to stop the play whenever a participant feels uncomfortable, everybody's boundaries need to be respected throughout.

In the meantime... Well, I guess that, your hands and/or specialized items might be the next best things to turn to, until the situation with Shadow and outside people, evolves.


*********************************End warning*******************************

__
van Hohenheim
Autistic, DID

he/him | she/her | they/them

Active alter {sub-system or fusion} :

Urielles {Uriel|Theia|Saul|Wolf(?)} -- {G/Hosts} -- {Zami} -- Envy -- X/David/Solomon/Scar -- Ulysses -- {Isaïa|Reyna} -- Mirror {Aragorn|Sherlock Holmes|...} -- {Pride|Wrath} -- Trisha -- Lust -- Hohenheim/Theo

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Re: Strugling to come to terms

Postby TheHiveMind » Thu May 13, 2021 2:36 pm

ArbreMonde wrote:.

**************************Content warning: mention of sexual things************************************.

In the meantime... Well, I guess that, your hands and/or specialized items might be the next best things to turn to, until the situation with Shadow and outside people, evolves.


*********************************End warning*******************************

__
van Hohenheim


***************trigger warning sexual, depression and addiction talk************

Thats the thing though. When ever I do use sex toys or other means, thats when shadow co-fronts. He then continues to use them in a abusive way untill I'm having a panic attack or such.
I'm hyper sexual so it's not a case of going cold turkey to stop him. I tried that and it didnt go well, like a drug addict needing a fix.
I know it doesnt help that when I'm feeling hopeless and nothing I go to him. As if he provides some purpose to my useless existence.

******************warnings over*****************

-syra
Multiple System
Hosts: Boi (he/him) Syra (any)
Others: Raven (he/him) Lou - little (she/her) Rainar (she/her)
Persecuter: Shadow (he/him)
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Re: Strugling to come to terms

Postby TheHiveMind » Sat May 15, 2021 8:32 pm

I'm going crazy. There is no life, there is no point. Where have those dreams gone, where is that strength I used to have. I cant deal with the voices and I'm driving myself insane. I cant even ask for help. Someone like me shouldnt have survived if this if all that's left. So called "alters helped you though the hard times" they make life a misery. What's the point. Why didnt we die.
Multiple System
Hosts: Boi (he/him) Syra (any)
Others: Raven (he/him) Lou - little (she/her) Rainar (she/her)
Persecuter: Shadow (he/him)
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Re: Strugling to come to terms

Postby TheHiveMind » Sun May 16, 2021 8:08 am

Can alters be formed from anything and at any time?
Going though a tough time and last night I dont know if it was a dream. The emotions left over dont feel fake. But I think a new alter appeared. They were in pain and terrified of something. Only a few weeks ago the last one appeared (debating if their a fragment)
How much stress and pain creates an alter?
Are they just things made up?
Multiple System
Hosts: Boi (he/him) Syra (any)
Others: Raven (he/him) Lou - little (she/her) Rainar (she/her)
Persecuter: Shadow (he/him)
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