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Dissociating Worse Than Ever

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Dissociating Worse Than Ever

Postby Ponyta » Tue Apr 13, 2021 4:49 am

I know some of the others said this about us before, but we really are feeling like we are Dissociating worse than ever. The only thing that seems to help, for a little while, is distracting ourselves with a movie (It must be a good, unboring one). However even that isn't foolproof. We tried playing video games, we still end up dissociating on and off with that. We keep forgetting what we did/didn't do in the game. :roll: Don't even get me started on trying to read. We read one thing and then proceed to instantly forget what we just read. I don't know how many times we need to reread something lately to understand it. UGH!

We just have a horrible overall feeling like our brain isn't functioning properly. It feels like over half of it is numb/asleep. The same horrible feelings we get when we dissociate, but it's just not easing any. I mean, we can't distract ourselves with movies/video games 24/7. Half the time we don't even feel like doing that. Like even that gets so boring it doesn't help at all then.

I'm feeling HORRIBLE right now. I feel like half my brain is asleep. It was like that all day (for pretty much months now. I mean, I think anyway.) Time is acting really weird with how bad our dissociation is. One second it is 5pm (for example), next it is Midnight. Or even worse, 10AM then Midnight.

More inner world conflicts on top of that doesn't help anything. Plus over half the time it is quiet. Very quiet in the inner world. As in, no one is talking (to anyone for that matter). That probably is helping fuel the conflicts. I don't know what to do about that. There definitely is anger from some of them, but we don't know why. Most of us are extremely numb (Emotionless feeling, as in we don't know how we feel) and/or sad.
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Re: Dissociating Worse Than Ever

Postby Ponyta » Wed Apr 14, 2021 12:38 am

I just realized that we posted this. We really need to work on our communication. It was improving. I don't know what happened.

All I know is A LOT of us are still grieving.
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Re: Dissociating Worse Than Ever

Postby IainEtc » Wed Apr 14, 2021 9:28 am

Hi Ponyta,

Sorry you feel horrible. Sounds bad with half your brain asleep. Maybe you could write in your journal and get the others to write back. Just a suggestion. Let us know how it goes.

Iain
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Re: Dissociating Worse Than Ever

Postby BeccaBee » Thu Apr 15, 2021 8:41 pm

hard times ponyta.

losing time. sharing time. talking not talking.

grieving so hard.

love yourselves. love each other.

♡ feel better soon ♡

forgive I cannot get the words out better from my heart. they are in there. for you feel better soon we hope very much.
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Re: Dissociating Worse Than Ever

Postby Ponyta » Fri Apr 16, 2021 4:24 am

Thanks Iain and BeccaBee! Your concern means a lot to us. We greatly appreciate your kind words! :)

--------
I feel it's a few of us here at the moment, but yet, it seems we can't really communicate to each other for some reason. It's like a wall is in between us (if that makes sense). We can feel each other, but yet not hear each other. Plus the inner world has a hazy blurriness about it. It's very rough lately. :(

I'll try journaling again though. We used to write a lot to each other, but that abruptly stopped a while back. I'll try it again though. Hopefully we'll be able to start talking to each other again, that way, at least.

Thanks again! :)
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Re: Dissociating Worse Than Ever

Postby renegadex » Fri Apr 16, 2021 6:59 am

That sounds what I've been feeling like... always. So I relate even tho that's so normal it doesn't bother me as much as it should. Dissociating about dissociating lmao.

My ADD meds kind of makes it a bit better but still, always partly somewhere else. Good example is that I smoke A LOT because I don't recall the last time I went even it would have been like 5min ago. So it makes me accidentally a chainsmoker.

Mindfullness and such doesn't really work. Yoga is the only thing when I can feel somehow connected to the present, I believe it's because it's active and at the same time requires focus. Walking in the woods and such ends up me dissociating almost the whole time, if I don't have a dog or something with me keeping me present.
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Re: Dissociating Worse Than Ever

Postby Ponyta » Mon Apr 19, 2021 6:21 pm

renegadex wrote:That sounds what I've been feeling like... always. So I relate even tho that's so normal it doesn't bother me as much as it should. Dissociating about dissociating lmao.

My ADD meds kind of makes it a bit better but still, always partly somewhere else. Good example is that I smoke A LOT because I don't recall the last time I went even it would have been like 5min ago. So it makes me accidentally a chainsmoker.

Mindfullness and such doesn't really work. Yoga is the only thing when I can feel somehow connected to the present, I believe it's because it's active and at the same time requires focus. Walking in the woods and such ends up me dissociating almost the whole time, if I don't have a dog or something with me keeping me present.


We're very sorry to hear that. :(

It's good you found something (Yoga) that helps some though. There are a lot of times where "Mindfulness" doesn't help us either. We know it feels horrible. :(

We hope all of you feel better soon.
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Re: Dissociating Worse Than Ever

Postby Ponyta » Wed May 05, 2021 3:56 am

I don't understand. We get waves of horrible non-stop dissoication.

It was getting better at one point, after we last wrote. Now it is super bad again. So bad I feel not good wirting right now. Not proper grammer. UGH! I can't even spell this second.

One second I'm able to spell perfect, the nexr, I keep hitting the stupid wrong keys on the keyboard. Too weak to bother spell checking right now. The fog is intense.

The typing issue comes and goes. It is driving me insane. I ususallly go back and correct everything, but I don't feel like it this second.

I don't know why it's so bad again. It was getting a little better, now back to horrible.
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Re: Dissociating Worse Than Ever

Postby IainEtc » Wed May 05, 2021 8:49 am

Hi,

I don't know for sure but it sounds like you're getting triggered. Either outside or inside something is keeping your system upset and switching. What we can do changes a lot when we're switching so maybe it's the same for you. I hope things get better soon.

Iain
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Re: Dissociating Worse Than Ever

Postby ArbreMonde » Wed May 05, 2021 9:43 am

We know it is not of big help to simply say that, but, we read and we care.

__
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Urielles {Uriel|Theia|Saul|Wolf(?)} -- {G/Hosts} -- {Zami} -- Envy -- X/David/Solomon/Scar -- Ulysses -- {Isaïa|Reyna} -- Mirror {Aragorn|Sherlock Holmes|...} -- {Pride|Wrath} -- Trisha -- Lust -- Hohenheim/Theo

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