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Dissociating Worse Than Ever

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Re: Dissociating Worse Than Ever

Postby Ponyta » Thu May 06, 2021 5:18 am

Thank you Iain, Urielle and David! We greatly appreciate your replies! :)

-----------

There are a few of us co-con right this second.

IainEtc wrote:Hi,
I don't know for sure but it sounds like you're getting triggered. Either outside or inside something is keeping your system upset and switching. Iain


It is quite possible this is what is happening. Although we honestly have no clue why, at least not yet. There are a bunch of troublemakers (which it seems to get worse during the times they are causing trouble), BUT it's not foolproof. Sometimes they take a break, and we're still having these issues.

We do notice we tend to get worse right before going to our T (But yet, when we don't go a lot of us are sad). I think we "panic" mainly because of bad past experiences with different ones. Our old T became a BAD trigger for us. Every time we think of her, or see something that reminds us of her, we get REALLY UPSET. We really like our new T though, so why we get scared to go to probably just has to do with fear (due to past bad experiences). We are scared that this new T will change and act like the old ones. Anyway, we won't be able to see our T for several more weeks (we already missed two appointments due to certain problems that arose with our insurance and their personal schedule.)

Anyway, back to what I was saying. We aren't certain what is triggering the bad dissiociaton. I feel it coming on all of a sudden again. No. Why? We were actuallu having a prtty goof (UGH!!!!!!!!) I mean to write pretty good day. It gets worse at night. Most defintely. Why? I have no clue. though there are times is (UGH!) it is worse sometimes in the day. Maybe I shougld not of said about our old T. I got to go. It is getting way worse again.
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Re: Dissociating Worse Than Ever

Postby ArbreMonde » Thu May 06, 2021 6:56 am

The fact that talking about the old T makes it worse, might be a clue that this is part of the trigger.

Apparently, some people dissociate / get amnesia right before T appointments, because some parts are stil loyal to the abuser/s and want to avoid talking badly about them. Could this be a clue as to what is happening to you?

Another clue could be that, parts who were hurt by the old T, seek to "escape" the situation by dissociating.

I sincerely hope that you will all find the balance and safety you need.

__
Solomon.
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Urielles {Uriel|Theia|Saul|Wolf(?)} -- {G/Hosts} -- {Zami} -- Envy -- X/David/Solomon/Scar -- Ulysses -- {Isaïa|Reyna} -- Mirror {Aragorn|Sherlock Holmes|...} -- {Pride|Wrath} -- Trisha -- Lust -- Hohenheim/Theo

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Re: Dissociating Worse Than Ever

Postby Ponyta » Sat May 08, 2021 5:58 am

Thanks Solomon for the info. It is greatly appreciated!

I am one of the protectors posting (although I'm leery to say my name. If you want, anyone can call me by my inner nickname, "PAL"). It is quite possible that is a major part of the problem. We keep having issues where past memories of that Old T come up. Plus just thinking about going to a T after that has us really worried. We really like our new T, but still, we worry.

In fact just typing this is upsetting me. It must definitely have to do with that. I just don't know how to solve that problem. If we like our new T, then why is just talking about seeing a T distressing us? I have my suspicions as to why. It doesn't make sense however. We haven't seen that old T for quite some time now (Not sure the date however).

In fact one of the others said to just cancel our appointment (when it finally gets here). I somewhat agree with them, but at the same time don't think it would be beneficial overall. So apparently you are right that topic being distressing to us.

The sad thing is, we were scared to go see a T before (due to past bad experiences), but nothing as bad as this. Once we stopped going to our old T, we are literally terrified to even tell our new T our names. In fact some of us lie and say one of the others names instead (if we feel we really need to give a name, a lot of times we don't). Afterward we regret it. We just panic. Then we worry that if that new T (who is very understanding and nice) finds out that we told them the wrong name, that they'll start thinking we are making things up.


Trigger warning due to Upsetting talk about our old T

Which ironically is one of the issues we had with our old T. We told her our names and she refused to believe 98% of the stuff we told her (Plus to make matters worse, she supposedly specialized in DID. She claims to have "helped" numerous people before. We honestly worry about what she told those people.). In fact she didn't even want to talk to us, other than our main host. She kept contradicting herself, and telling us (basically like we were lying), that we could do stuff that we told her we couldn't. I am just making myself raging mad right now. She re-traumatized us just by not listening to us (believing us).

End Trigger


I need to stop writing now. I don't feel so good, due to how upset I just got myself. I can't help it. I'm one of the ones who keep replaying this over and over in my head. I feel numb to it (the dissociation doesn't seem to affect me nearly as bad as the others), but if I think about our old T too much it makes me beyond angry. I spoke to this new T once, I like them. Do I trust them though, not fully, no. Would I keep going to them for a while longer, yes. Mainly because this new T actually listens to us and seems to genuinely care for once. I just hope it stays that way, and they don't get "mean and unconcerned" like past Ts.

I just need to "get over" the "rage" of hurt caused by our old T. I want to let it go, mainly because it is badly affecting us (I think I'm accidentally upsetting a lot of others somehow). I may accidentally be broadcasting my anger (or upset feelings) somehow. One reason I say that is because the others do seem to disassociate a lot more when I get upset. I only have no idea on how to let it go. Especially when I keep going over and over about it, even if I'm not trying (I still do).
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Re: Dissociating Worse Than Ever

Postby ArbreMonde » Sat May 08, 2021 8:38 am

Hey, it's completely legitimate to be angry in this context! You have the right to be angry! The anger is the "alarm bell" saying that something is wrong and hurting your whole system!

You did a goot job at getting angry and ringing the alarm that this behavior is NOT OKAY!

Now, take a deep breath. You know now what is wrong. You can tell the anger, "Thank you, you are heard, now please be quiet so I can think on how to act and keep us all safe. Thank you for pointing what was wrong."

Well, that's what we try to do when Zami is going cray-cray because something is amiss. Helped us regain some control over our emotional responses.

Hope this helps you too!

__
Urielle.
Autistic, DID

he/him | she/her | they/them

Active alter {sub-system or fusion} :

Urielles {Uriel|Theia|Saul|Wolf(?)} -- {G/Hosts} -- {Zami} -- Envy -- X/David/Solomon/Scar -- Ulysses -- {Isaïa|Reyna} -- Mirror {Aragorn|Sherlock Holmes|...} -- {Pride|Wrath} -- Trisha -- Lust -- Hohenheim/Theo

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Re: Dissociating Worse Than Ever

Postby Ponyta » Thu May 13, 2021 6:19 am

Thanks Urielle! :)
There are A LOT of us: 140+.

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