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not fitting in - ever

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Re: not fitting in - ever

Postby KitMcDaydream » Sat Mar 13, 2021 9:23 pm

birdsong87 wrote:I am writing for Annett and Danielle and a bit for the Littles too. but mostly the teens...

we keep running into experiences when we just don't fit in.
although our teens feel like teens and think like teens they are not at all like teens today. they are like teens 20 years ago. It means interactions with people of their age group are always a nightmare of not fitting in, absolutely not belonging. even with other DID teens. its like they are worlds apart.
We never know how much of it is cultural differences, how much is that we as a system are more introverted and struggle with too much stimulation, loud noise, busy pictures, loud expressions of emotion... but we often don't feel like we belong within the DID communities because we are not extroverted. we are not loud and flashy. we are not overt.
it adds to the age problem, the sense of living in a different decade and feeling so unfamiliar with this decade.
we get hurt so often when we try to interact, not because there is open rejection but because there is little that seems to connect us with others. we are not like them. it is one of the reasons why we withdrew from this forum a bit. we just get overwhelmed with things that feel like it is nothing like us.
I would sometimes doubt our DID if we weren't such a classic example that the textbooks describe us exactly.

I am aware that there are a LOT of memories of bullying and rejection the teens carry. school was hell. we never belonged anywhere. never fit in. it makes it hard to tell apart if we are having an emotional flashback or if some of it is actually real

I just wonder how to help. because right now the teens are hurting and want to withdraw even more, not even try to connect anymore. like the Littles have done when they felt like they are all wrong and don't fit in.


we as adults have the same problem. being disabled, having DID, no job or family to talk about, being nerdy with nothing else to talk about... we don't do well in society. none of us fits in.




Our physical body is in its 50's and disabled but we have a couple of littles and teens whose era was the 70's and 80's. They'd like to 'come out' but no-one around us would understand. A teen tried to come out and wanted to be up front but there views I guess seem so outdated that people (online) don't seem to like them and their posts end up getting ignored so they've given up and gone back on the inside.

Our system is also autistic so I suspect whoever tries to fit in anywhere is lacking the right social skills on some level or other. we all struggle with 'sensory overload' to varying degrees. When we were younger and our ANP's and the body had more energy, we coped just about well enough but as the body has aged the energy needed for an ANP to front is more and more exhausting.

The lockdown provided a welcome break from social expectations IRL as we are in the shielded group due to the bodies physical conditions. But some are sad we can't even seem to fit in on online groups not even for people with autism or other mh problems. Not for the want of trying but the social skills needed seem to be completely missing in the hosts left to run the system after past hosts left. It's a frustrating and lonely life most days. :(
Body - 50+ female
Psych Board team - Jody (19 f, h), Phoenix (12 gn ch), Susie (6 f, h)
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Re: not fitting in - ever

Postby Jessica6 » Sun Mar 14, 2021 4:51 am

KitMcDaydream wrote:Our physical body is in its 50's and disabled but we have a couple of littles and teens whose era was the 70's and 80's.


Well now see that's what we're stuck in too mostly I mean not completely but our body is the same age and stuff soe like that's us too. You're not the only one we're like from some of then too.
Your teens are like cool with like me and stuff.
OSDD-1b (perhaps):

Jessica (f, 25 PV)
Steph(m,50s orig, body, SV)/-Samantha (f,31 SQ)
-Sabrina (f,12 v)
--Stefanie (f,16 v)

Albert (m,14 q)
Nameless One (m,? q)

Charlie (m,5 q)
Aurora (f,70s? q)

P=Primary S=Secondary V/v=Vocal Q/q=Quiet
The world needs more unicorns.
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Re: not fitting in - ever

Postby KitMcDaydream » Sun Mar 14, 2021 9:15 am

Jessica6 wrote:
KitMcDaydream wrote:Our physical body is in its 50's and disabled but we have a couple of littles and teens whose era was the 70's and 80's.


Well now see that's what we're stuck in too mostly I mean not completely but our body is the same age and stuff soe like that's us too. You're not the only one we're like from some of then too.
Your teens are like cool with like me and stuff.


Thanks for answering. Seems today's young ones are turning into very 'woke snowflakes' and if you grew up in the 'old days' you can't say anything right as everything acceptable then, isn't these days it seems.

We seem to be withdrawing from all forms of social communication as the rules are being changed so much we can't keep up!
Body - 50+ female
Psych Board team - Jody (19 f, h), Phoenix (12 gn ch), Susie (6 f, h)
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Re: not fitting in - ever

Postby Jessica6 » Mon Mar 15, 2021 4:08 am

KitMcDaydream wrote:Thanks for answering. Seems today's young ones are turning into very 'woke snowflakes' and if you grew up in the 'old days' you can't say anything right as everything acceptable then, isn't these days it seems.


Steph (Snaga) is saying we have to be careful what we say in open forum. We don't want no arguments to start. Buuuuuuuuuuut...... yeah but not all of them. All in how you raised.

But yeah those are our eras too mostly like and heck we'd go back farther than that if we had a time machine lol. Course now there's a lot of good to say for now too 'cause we can be you know kinda freaky and it's all right and you know folks weren't as tolerant back then so you know. Reality needs a happy medium but folks aint good at finding one of them.
OSDD-1b (perhaps):

Jessica (f, 25 PV)
Steph(m,50s orig, body, SV)/-Samantha (f,31 SQ)
-Sabrina (f,12 v)
--Stefanie (f,16 v)

Albert (m,14 q)
Nameless One (m,? q)

Charlie (m,5 q)
Aurora (f,70s? q)

P=Primary S=Secondary V/v=Vocal Q/q=Quiet
The world needs more unicorns.
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Re: not fitting in - ever

Postby SystemFlo » Thu Apr 08, 2021 8:19 pm

HEY!
I'm out now. I don't know what the outcome was in the end, if our system has been cancelled or what's up. But I'm up and out anyway, and do wanna get to know people. So, in case Annett or Danielle are willing, there's plenty of room in our PM box.

LUCAS
DID
main system:
Flor F adult co-host
Sami M 15-26 (age slider) system&safety manager
Lucas M 17 caretaker
Leon M 4
etc

subsystem:
Fourteen M 14 co-host, trauma holder, persecutor:
teens: Rain, Diamonds, Prince, Romeo, London, Random
tweens: Elias, Oliver
groups: Gotham kids
littles: Paris, Milan, Milo, Little Prince
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Re: not fitting in - ever

Postby Jessica6 » Sat Apr 10, 2021 2:55 am

Hey Lucas got it an fired one off to you

Stefanie

Oh yeah what's like that about the system cancelled? Do you mean like you been pushed out and no one is like spelling you a break or nothing? Adulting SUCKS.
OSDD-1b (perhaps):

Jessica (f, 25 PV)
Steph(m,50s orig, body, SV)/-Samantha (f,31 SQ)
-Sabrina (f,12 v)
--Stefanie (f,16 v)

Albert (m,14 q)
Nameless One (m,? q)

Charlie (m,5 q)
Aurora (f,70s? q)

P=Primary S=Secondary V/v=Vocal Q/q=Quiet
The world needs more unicorns.
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Re: not fitting in - ever

Postby SystemFlo » Mon Apr 12, 2021 12:43 am

Jessica6 wrote:Hey Lucas got it an fired one off to you

Stefanie

Oh yeah what's like that about the system cancelled? Do you mean like you been pushed out and no one is like spelling you a break or nothing? Adulting SUCKS.



HEYYY Stefanie! Got your PM too, thanks, it made my day pretty much. :D If everything goes like we've planned, like our system schedule I mean, I'm gonna have time to write back to you guys tomorrow. Or, well, actually it'll be later today, since it's past midnight in here. Almost 2 am right now.

I haven't been pushed out by my own system, don't worry, nothing like that, I'm fine! I meant it like the "cancel culture" that's been going on now. Google search explained it this way: "Cancel culture is a modern form of ostracism in which someone is thrust out of social or professional circles – whether it be online, on social media, or in person."

It was to Birdsong system, and my system "being cancelled" by them was like a figure of speech. They got mad at Floralie, and now I don't know if they don't wanna any of us talking to them, or if they don't talk to Flor or if we're all cool now or what is happening ???

Like.. I just came to tell their teens that I'm cool with them, no matter what our systems' adults are doing. I guess theirs got triggered and Flor didn't mean it, she was just depressed and it's like more or less misunderstanding anyway. We're not a bad person, non of us are. But we haven't been forgiven, which is why we don't know.

I'd like to just move on and be forgiven. If your system's adults are ignoring us for any reason, that shouldn't stop us teens from talking to each other. So HEY you Birdsong teens. I'm here and if you wanna get to know me, just let me know. You don't have to know what to say or anything, it'll be fine. Just let me know.

LUCAS

The invitation is open one, not just to Birdsong's teens. So KitMcDaydream teens (or anyone who is feeling lonely), HEY to you too, I don't live in a same era you do, but it doesn't have to stop us from getting to understand each other. Right?
DID
main system:
Flor F adult co-host
Sami M 15-26 (age slider) system&safety manager
Lucas M 17 caretaker
Leon M 4
etc

subsystem:
Fourteen M 14 co-host, trauma holder, persecutor:
teens: Rain, Diamonds, Prince, Romeo, London, Random
tweens: Elias, Oliver
groups: Gotham kids
littles: Paris, Milan, Milo, Little Prince
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Re: not fitting in - ever

Postby Jessica6 » Tue Apr 13, 2021 5:23 pm

ugh. Now Steph is butting in. But he'll have to do that from HIS account, not ours.

Oh.. um yeah that's cool you PM me back whenever you want. We don't have like a very detailed inner world I mean except if you mean like um maladaptive daydreaming if that's an inner world lol yeah we got one.

But you know you get bored with us that's okay it won't like hurt our feelings or nothin' we understand. We're pretty chill about it.
OSDD-1b (perhaps):

Jessica (f, 25 PV)
Steph(m,50s orig, body, SV)/-Samantha (f,31 SQ)
-Sabrina (f,12 v)
--Stefanie (f,16 v)

Albert (m,14 q)
Nameless One (m,? q)

Charlie (m,5 q)
Aurora (f,70s? q)

P=Primary S=Secondary V/v=Vocal Q/q=Quiet
The world needs more unicorns.
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Jessica6
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Re: not fitting in - ever

Postby Snaga » Tue Apr 13, 2021 5:42 pm

Um, making ourselves switch gears on demand is really hard, I had to write this about three times to not sound so much like Stef. And it's not really working so just please bear with me. Just a modly observation that if two members are having a bit of a clash of a personal nature (as opposed to a debate on something), please keep it in private via the PM system if y'all need to work it out- these sort of things can get out of hand in a hurry, and the mod team sure don't want to have to step in to keep the peace. So please try to limit personal disagreements in open forum, thanks. Not saying anyone has done anything wrong- no one has- just wanting to keep that from happening- lot better to remind folks of stuff, than having to get onto them for it once something done blown up, cause us mods really ain't in the business of beating folks over the head, for real we're not. Try to keep folks from getting in trouble.
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Re: not fitting in - ever

Postby BeccaBee » Thu Apr 15, 2021 9:12 pm

Colin wrote: It's being a Protector. I have to stay sharp. Always on alert. Ready to push back. Take control of the situation. That means I can never let down. I can't trust other people. (Even the good ones are going around so F-ing sloppy.) I'm always ready for the next abuser. It's F'd up but that's what I do. Not a lot of social skills.


missed you dude!! :D you have a way with words.

birdsong - I have been feeling this too but unable to express as thoughtfully. how the hell does T expect you to keep trying to connect? it seems like the gap widens as the years press on.

i also feel the disconnect between looking so young still but the brain is so much older and dying. that makes me feel so left out but it's hard to express

i am too young to be old
and too old to be young

i am too healthy to die
and too disabled to live

there seems to be no one to confide in. i dont fit in the brain injury groups. and here there's a film that obscures the world for me. I have to skip over the long posts

I have trouble learning who is who and only remember my oldest friends.

I dont know how but I hope you find a tribe. loneliness is hard. isolation is hard. but the _______ of not feeling understood is damn hurtful.
Female, 39
Dx: DID, C-PTSD, TES


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