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In need of help!

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In need of help!

Postby Sageskubb » Sat Jan 23, 2021 2:56 pm

Hello All.....

First and foremost I have no clue what I’m doing here at all. I found you guys by mistake but it seems I maybe in the right place. I will tell what’s going on without trying to trigger anyone. I’m sorry in advance this is a very hard subject to navigate for all of us. I have a partner whom I am deeply in love with. I identify as a cis gender gay male, he’s Bi-sexual. We met in prison and continued our relationship once he came home. Over the last 6 weeks I have come to learn that he has DID. Through a series of events and conversations with Alters I learned a lot. It has been a lot to digest. There are things I don’t understand, with his Alters he has told me that three of them care for me one loves me there is one that simply wants to control me and the others don’t care. There is a level of trust between I and a few of them but its very hot and cold. We were living together and because of a conversation I had with an Alter lead to a fight in which he packed up and left. I found this troubling because he went back into a situation that caused him so much trauma. I have been open to talking and being there because I still very much love him. One minute its Iove you and I want to come home then last night it was I hate you right now. I am Bi-polar I have a pretty good handle on my stuff, taking this on is new. I want to help but not sure how to. I want to love but not sure if I should. I’m having a hard time allowing his Alters what they want and still trying to be there. He told me that they gave me the keys. I have no clue what any of this means. Any and all help will be appreciated thank you
Last edited by Snaga on Sat Jan 23, 2021 3:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: moved to SOFF, no edits
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Re: In need of help!

Postby Eliseahorse » Mon Jan 25, 2021 9:58 am

Ok so you love this guy but things are rubbing the wrong way for some of them. Up until that last point I was thinking give him space but.... They gave you the keys.... I think possibly this is them saying you have permission to try and make this work. You need to work with the ones that hate you explain you don't expect them to love you rather you are looking for a truce. You want to help them and their needs. They have gone back to abuse because it is what they understand. They don't understand being loved so tone it down if you know it's an alter that loves you love them back for any other alter be their mate ( not their therapist though it's a fine line) it will take time but once you have gained their trust then they will feal more comfortable with the relationship overall. As a system they love you/ want your care. The parts that push hardest are the most hurt often don't feel they deserve love and may even worry that they will contaminate you some how. They push you away to stop hurting both you and themselves.


I am not a t, this is just based on my personal experience all systems are different so listen to them.
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