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The diaries of us

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The diaries of us

Postby SystemFlo » Sun Jan 10, 2021 2:34 pm

We're starting a new diary, or rather a series of diaries inside this one thread, for us to be seen as someone by someone in somewhere in this world, and to write down things before they get lost into amnesia.

This is meant for the use of all of our system members who just are willing to, it's meant for any of us to tell what's happening to them or us from their perspective, or to just share how they feel. It's meant for writing down things we're recalling from our past and only now have really started to understand how big effect they had. And it's meant for us trying to make sense out of the dream logic of the inner world.

And with all that else, we try again to tell the story of why we couldn't work with our ex-T anymore, but decided it's better for us without therapy than it is in her care. We want it out of the system, and to understand it. In the end things we lost because of losing therapy are the reason for a crisis and current eating disorder, because we feel we're banned from telling our story and trying to control it from leaking out.

We really hope this time people would let us tell our story about it ourselves, and wouldn't try to push their perspective about what they believe happened, when they can't have enough facts. I didn't have time to tell them yet the first time I tried. And I don't understand how it would be disrespectful, when we refuse to start concentrating on learning about a theory of someone else's in the middle of things that had nothing to do with it. Even if the theory can be insightful and wise in general and help many people, it just was not why we needed to leave our T and it is not what is most urgent thing to repair in us now. We are allowed to tell that without people getting angry. They weren't part of the relationship, and to us it means they shouldn't act like they'd have more knowledge about it than we do.

The story is what happened during 1,5 years, not about what happened in last sessions. They were just where everything started to become so evident. I should've seen it way before, but I didn't. That is something I do agree I should be blamed of, not about how we don't think boundary issues were a big issue with our T in general, or how I don't think that we should have run out from a session just because I got triggered in there. I got triggered because of something that wasn't a danger to us in reality. Trying to talk about it like an adult was not accepting abuse, it was Sami respecting my right to decide, like we have agreed, while still keeping us safe by evacuating littles in case there really is a threat and we will leave. But there wasn't, and if we had run out, I still wouldn't understand how there were things really harmful in long term between us and the T. It all started to open up, because I was allowed to have a genuine feeling in session for the first time. I still think what Sami did was wise. Surprising, but wise.

However, today is not the day I will tell more about it. I will start from that session 1 again tho, when it's time. There were some things I realized were misunderstood last time. I hope you didn't find this too argumentative. I just needed to get that out of my chest after how things went last time.

I hope you won't be scared to comment, you are of course allowed to disagree with me. Just respect we don't have to agree with you either, and both can respect that.

Today I just came to start the diary.

main system:
Flor F adult co-host
Sami M 15-26 (age slider) system manager, defender
(Lucas M 17 caretaker)

Fourteen M 14 co-host, trauma holder, persecutor:
- random M 14
- Jules M 14
- Leon M 4
- etc.
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Consumer 6
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Joined: Thu Aug 02, 2018 1:50 pm
Local time: Fri Jan 15, 2021 5:25 pm
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