Our partner

Place for SOs?

Dissociative Identity Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: Johnny-Jack

Place for SOs?

Postby Eliseahorse » Mon Nov 16, 2020 11:33 pm

What happened to all the SOs did they get their own forum? Just asking cause I think bf would Appreciate being able to talk to Hank and the other SOs that are old hats .

Chears Eli
Body 31
Co-concious system known collectively as Eli
M 30
M24
F10
F31
NB19
2 partially integrated alters
Peter (7)
Unknown
User avatar
Eliseahorse
Consumer 3
Consumer 3
 
Posts: 65
Joined: Fri Oct 30, 2020 12:04 pm
Local time: Sun Jan 17, 2021 2:27 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Place for SOs?

Postby SOHank » Fri Nov 20, 2020 2:44 am

I'm still here. Not on as often as I would like as a result of changing duties at work, overtime, and family obligations... I do try to at least check in even if I don't have time to respond often.

Would be happy to talk with bf. I know I had a ton of questions at first and knowing others SO's had been through similar was reassuring.

As this board is focused on people with DID, and not SO's thereof, I try to respect that by keeping most things SO related in PMs unless it seems it would offer general interest or insight for the group. You and/or your bf are welcome to PM me.

Any which way, I will try to remember to check back on this thread.
:)
Married to SunflowerGals
SOHank
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 471
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2018 5:45 pm
Local time: Sat Jan 16, 2021 8:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Place for SOs?

Postby Eliseahorse » Fri Nov 20, 2020 10:29 pm

Thanks Hank I told bf he appreciates having someone to talk to just need to get him set up with his own account now
Body 31
Co-concious system known collectively as Eli
M 30
M24
F10
F31
NB19
2 partially integrated alters
Peter (7)
Unknown
User avatar
Eliseahorse
Consumer 3
Consumer 3
 
Posts: 65
Joined: Fri Oct 30, 2020 12:04 pm
Local time: Sun Jan 17, 2021 2:27 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Place for SOs?

Postby Nondescript » Mon Nov 23, 2020 5:23 am

Hi,
I think we're not allowed to mention the names of other forums, but there's a paid forum that's opening a private moderated forum just for SOs. Just wanted to let you know if case you feel like looking for it.
Nondescript
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 880
Joined: Wed Jul 23, 2014 3:50 am
Local time: Sat Jan 16, 2021 8:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (2)

Re: Place for SOs?

Postby Eliseahorse » Wed Dec 02, 2020 11:49 pm

If there were 3 peices of advice you would give your younger self about being so to a multiple what would they be ?
Body 31
Co-concious system known collectively as Eli
M 30
M24
F10
F31
NB19
2 partially integrated alters
Peter (7)
Unknown
User avatar
Eliseahorse
Consumer 3
Consumer 3
 
Posts: 65
Joined: Fri Oct 30, 2020 12:04 pm
Local time: Sun Jan 17, 2021 2:27 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Place for SOs?

Postby Snaga » Tue Dec 08, 2020 4:39 am

Nondescript wrote:Hi,
I think we're not allowed to mention the names of other forums, but there's a paid forum that's opening a private moderated forum just for SOs. Just wanted to let you know if case you feel like looking for it.


Unfortunately true- double, when it comes to links to for-profit/paid sites.

As far as Non family members, there's always the Significant Others, Friends & Family Forum (SOFF in modspeak) for Nons who are partnered with someone with mental issues. It really depends on the forum- some forums are more accommodating to S/Os than others- some of the Personality Disorders in particular, nearly all significant others are shunted to SOFF, especially if they're... upset. Yes, let's use that word, 'upset'. Which does happen a LOT with some PDs.

As far as this Admin is concerned, Johnny-Jack is the final arbiter of what's acceptable re: the DID forum environment, but it's my impression/understanding that S/Os are generally ok in here. Unless they're disruptive/angry/creepy. Which goes for a lot of forums, in general, as long as the partner/family member in question is respectful. If you're an angry spouse, well, it's SOFF, or nothin'. We won't have members jumped on by angry Nons, in their own forum.
Image

Tell someone you love them today, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also terrifying and confusing.

We do not delete posts.
Let it go.
Without (forum) rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
User avatar
Snaga
Site Admin
 
Posts: 16267
Joined: Fri Jun 27, 2014 1:58 pm
Local time: Sat Jan 16, 2021 8:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Place for SOs?

Postby Eliseahorse » Wed Dec 09, 2020 10:05 am

Thanks snagga. No he isn't an angry non it was incase he wanted to ask questions about dealing with stuff. So far the questions have mostly been about the nature of did and how it affects us personally, triggers etc which we have been able to answer ourselves. I'm aware that living with someone with did (or any disorder) is different to run of the mill stuff so there may come a time when he wants needs to ask the opinions advice of folk that have been there and got the t-shirt. I remembered that sohank had been verry helpful a few years back and thought the forum is so helpful and friendly that he could maybe find that advice here.
Body 31
Co-concious system known collectively as Eli
M 30
M24
F10
F31
NB19
2 partially integrated alters
Peter (7)
Unknown
User avatar
Eliseahorse
Consumer 3
Consumer 3
 
Posts: 65
Joined: Fri Oct 30, 2020 12:04 pm
Local time: Sun Jan 17, 2021 2:27 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Place for SOs?

Postby Snaga » Wed Dec 09, 2020 7:44 pm

Eliseahorse wrote:Thanks snagga. No he isn't an angry non it was incase he wanted to ask questions about dealing with stuff. So far the questions have mostly been about the nature of did and how it affects us personally, triggers etc which we have been able to answer ourselves. I'm aware that living with someone with did (or any disorder) is different to run of the mill stuff so there may come a time when he wants needs to ask the opinions advice of folk that have been there and got the t-shirt. I remembered that sohank had been verry helpful a few years back and thought the forum is so helpful and friendly that he could maybe find that advice here.


Agreed- some forums are naturally more amenable to Nons, than others- most forums it's generally okay in small doses, and to help with specific questions, unless it turns into a 'this is driving me CRAZY' tone. General chatter about living with someone with a mental issue more properly belongs in SOFF, and some forums we do move almost all posts automatically to SOFF- such as BPD and NPD. I think I have BPD traits, I can't be easy to live with.... :roll:
Image

Tell someone you love them today, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also terrifying and confusing.

We do not delete posts.
Let it go.
Without (forum) rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
User avatar
Snaga
Site Admin
 
Posts: 16267
Joined: Fri Jun 27, 2014 1:58 pm
Local time: Sat Jan 16, 2021 8:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Place for SOs?

Postby SOHank » Sun Dec 20, 2020 6:35 pm

Eliseahorse wrote:If there were 3 peices of advice you would give your younger self about being so to a multiple what would they be ?


Be patient, attentive, and open-minded.

We'd been married 10 years before we found out about the dissociation. Sunflower was in her mid-30s. Has the trauma started to surface and be processed in therapy, sunflower became very sensitive and would be triggered by things that hadn't triggered her in the past. It was to the point where I had to ask permission if I was going to hold her hand. As you might imagine, anything more than that was on hiatus.

Being attentive is also important, as things that would not trigger someone who hadn't experienced drama, can be triggering to someone who has. It can also depend on who is fronting at the time. There are times when sunflower and I would snuggle, and everything was fine, until someone else came out and was very upset. This is mostly in the past for us, as we've had conversations about learning and respecting boundaries, and in return the insiders are more attentive about when they come out.

And definitely be open-minded. There are things that will be said, but just don't make sense. Like one time AJ wanted to stay out and fall asleep with me, but was concerned that since she usually sleeps snuggled with the 4-year-old Lou who she protects, that there might not be enough room on the bed for the three of us... :lol: In addition, sunflower has insiders that consider themselves dead, a computer, something beyond human, as well as another inanimate object, though most are human. Also don't be surprised if there is an insider who is not the same gender as the body.

Definitely find someone you can trust to talk to. Would not hurt for your SO to be able to talk to a T. But at least a good trusted friend who won't blab. There are just things that come up for me, that must be shared with someone, or my head will explode..lol. :shock:

There are also lots of things in SO can do to give positive experiences in the present day, which will really help the insiders. Holidays are important, especially for the little ones. But just spending some time can be very helpful as well. Emma was really happy that I was willing to take time to make cookies with her.

It's not always easy, and there are definitely rough patches, but it's there are positive sides too. It's gotten easier for me to shop for sunflower for birthdays and such, as Meg can discreetly tell me what she's looking for. Lol. Many of the insiders are also a lot of fun as well, and they round out my wife's personality, it's used to be much more emotionally flat, for lack of a better way to say it.

And in all things, YMMV. There are lots of things, that can be similar across dissociation, but also each case is unique through actual trauma severity, timeline, and how that person handled it... hi
Married to SunflowerGals
SOHank
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 471
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2018 5:45 pm
Local time: Sat Jan 16, 2021 8:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Dissociative Identity Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 39 guests