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To be or not to be

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Re: To be or not to be

Postby Eliseahorse » Sun Aug 29, 2021 1:40 pm

From protector to persecutor?

Is it possible? Our persecutor did become a protector but I'm wondering if it could go the other way.

Our other half has been taking our mute alter out on date in public. He doesn't care if we get seen signing and neither does she they are just happy together. About 2 weeks ago someone who knew us saw them and since then our protector has been awful to our mute girl. On Friday the protector snuck up while the mute girl was fronting and forced her to try and talk. The result was a horrid garble and that alter has been traumatized by the experience.

We currently have the protector incarcerated in deeper section of the innerworld and one of us is always on guard but this needs a better solution. Our other half is angry with the protector for hurting the mute girl and can't understand why it happened. He is romantically involved with the protector too so he doesn't want her locked up forever. And we wouldn't want that either.

What could have caused the protector to act like that? Is she becoming a persecutor? Why how? Is there anyway we can stop her? Help her? She is being a typical intractable teen whenever we try to talk to her she is adiment she did nothing wrong. We can't go back to parts being afraid of each other.

The cooperative has worked so well for over a year now. Our lives are organised around each of us being able to express ourselves in a muted way (pun not intended) certain parts of the day/week are tailored around individual strengths/preferences so to loose a member of the cooperative would be a blow.

We all deserve an opportunity to interact with the outside world. That's the belief that our cooperative was formed on and one I still hold to.

Anyone had any experience with this? Any ideas?

Yours sincerely
Caretaker
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Co-concious system known collectively as Eli
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Re: To be or not to be

Postby ArbreMonde » Mon Aug 30, 2021 5:10 am

Well, I guess that, since persecutors are maladapted protectors, it is possible to switch from adapted to maladapted behaviors depending on the situation, the stress level, and so on.

So the question is: why does this "persecutor" alter think it is dangerous to be nonverbal in public? What other actions can she take to protect the system that are more respectful towards the nonverbal girl?

As an example, if she is worried what other people might think seeing you signing in public, it can be explained to her(and the people who could be judgemental) that it is completely normal for non-mute people, to sometimes turn nonverbal for short amounts of time. Signing in this situation helps to keep the communication going and is a very good thing. We sometimes turn nonvebal and we wish we had been taught sign language, because stress can make writing more difficult due to shaky hands.

Another example is that, if she is worried that the mute girl might be unable to call for help in case of need, she can get in an agreement with her so that she is in stand-by close nearby just in case. If there is any danger requesting to call verbally for help, she can switch to front for protection.

Always keep in mind that "persecution" in a system is, maladaptive protection.
__
David.
Key: ♂ he/him | ♀ she/her | ɸ they/them

Social: Zamiel ɸ (complex fusion & trauma holder)
Self-care: David ♂
Managers: The Mirror ♂ (inner self-helper) - Isaïa ♂ ("trauma-sitter") - Theia ♀ (gatekeeper)
Trauma holders: Pride|Wrath ♂ - Lust ♀ - Reyna ♀ - Ulysses ɸ

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Re: To be or not to be

Postby Eliseahorse » Tue Sep 14, 2021 7:16 pm

So our protector it turns out was worried about being fakeclaimed or doxed if we were seen being mute one day and verbal another. We have already been thrown out of (with death threats if we return to) the local trans community because someone who only previously knew our male alter saw us when one of the girls were main for the day (and correspondingly dressed verry girly, make up jewelry etc)

So now we have an understanding our mute alter is allowed to be mute in public but if she is approached by anyone she must go cocon with someone that can speak for her.

Our littles have had a run of really nice days. Now that our kid is back at school we can let them out to play again our partner is besties with them and they adore him. We still have to mask in front of the kid because custody hearing is ongoing and I'll be dammed if we loose him because predudices of uneducated morons. Latest rediculousness is the appointment of a child psychologist to asses the "impact of the domestic arrangement"! This'll be the 5th therapist that will have assessed the kid, the solicitor that ordered that latest assesment spent half an hour quizzing me about why wasn't I getting treatment for my disability? and I was like seriously? You have my discharge letter and a second confirmation from my psychologist stating that I not only completed my treatment and my psychologist discharged me but in the second he states explicitly that I'm not a danger to the kid. (Because court had complained that the origanal discharge letter hadn't mentioned how DID would impact on my ability to keep the child safe. FFS)
Like social work are in support of me getting full custody, every therapist the kid has seen so far has commented that I am a supportive parent and he is thriving in my care but every time we get close to having custody signed off there is a new reason to delay it. It was all supost to end by Oct but nope now it's another 3 months of assessments by a new psychologist. Gah
I'm starting to think that the judge doesn't like DID but can't find a legal reason to deny custody so they are doing everything they can to delay granting it to me (presumably in the belief that if he waits long enough I'll snap split style and he will be vindicated in his predudices,)
Other than that fly in the ointment life is going well, work is pootling along, we are cooperating well, everyone is fealing fulfilled and we have a new irl friend that knows about and accepts the system.

-- Tue Sep 14, 2021 7:21 pm --

The kid is living with us but it won't be official until we get the piece of paper granting sole custody untill then if I end up in hospital for anything for more than overnight his abusive biological father gets custody.
Body 31
Co-concious system known collectively as Eli
M 30
M24
F10-17
F31
NB19
2 partially integrated alters
Peter (7)
Unknown
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Eliseahorse
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Re: To be or not to be

Postby ArbreMonde » Wed Sep 15, 2021 10:43 am

Eliseahorse wrote:We have already been thrown out of (with death threats if we return to) the local trans community because someone who only previously knew our male alter saw us when one of the girls were main for the day (and correspondingly dressed verry girly, make up jewelry etc)


WOW this is HEAVY STUFF! I'm sorry it happened to you! People are allowed to be genderfluid or queer overall, it's still trans enough WTF!!! No wonder your protector is on the edge because of this!

Eliseahorse wrote:So now we have an understanding our mute alter is allowed to be mute in public but if she is approached by anyone she must go cocon with someone that can speak for her.


Sounds like a nice agreement, congrats!

Eliseahorse wrote:I'll be dammed if we loose him because predudices of uneducated morons. Latest rediculousness is the appointment of a child psychologist to asses the "impact of the domestic arrangement"!
[...]
I'm starting to think that the judge doesn't like DID but can't find a legal reason to deny custody so they are doing everything they can to delay granting it to me (presumably in the belief that if he waits long enough I'll snap split style and he will be vindicated in his predudices,)


GOSH there is SO MUCH PREJUDICE on people who are open about their disability, while the society stays gleefully blind to the causes of said disabilities (such as the abusive father of your kid)... Like, people don't care about children being mistreated by an openly abusive person, but disabled people being abled enough to enjoy a balanced life? FFS indeed! The D's in DID are NOT for "dangerous" FFS!!!

At least it's going smoothly inside with cooperation and everything!

Sending tons of moral support!
__
Zamiel.
Key: ♂ he/him | ♀ she/her | ɸ they/them

Social: Zamiel ɸ (complex fusion & trauma holder)
Self-care: David ♂
Managers: The Mirror ♂ (inner self-helper) - Isaïa ♂ ("trauma-sitter") - Theia ♀ (gatekeeper)
Trauma holders: Pride|Wrath ♂ - Lust ♀ - Reyna ♀ - Ulysses ɸ

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ArbreMonde
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Re: To be or not to be

Postby Eliseahorse » Mon Sep 20, 2021 7:42 am

Chears
Body 31
Co-concious system known collectively as Eli
M 30
M24
F10-17
F31
NB19
2 partially integrated alters
Peter (7)
Unknown
User avatar
Eliseahorse
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 126
Joined: Fri Oct 30, 2020 12:04 pm
Local time: Mon Sep 27, 2021 4:21 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

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