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Changed alter

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Changed alter

Postby Panther1830 » Fri Oct 30, 2020 2:57 am

I'm questioning the change in my alters behavior. He started changing when I was re-traumatized, last year. He wants to now be in charge. Which he says, but lies. He's himself when I'm in the house. But not outside. He likes to spend money, when I need essentials. But is ok otherwise. He started liking chocolate more, for his coping mechanism. And he uses it as treats as well. But I'm questioning why he does this more now. And is he still in a process of changing. Since this is our first time on our own. He doesn't question me when I get mad at him. But calms me down more when I'm lonely. He does however, like to make sure hes well taken care of attention wise. Cause he wants more attention. But, says he doesn't like it later. He says it's not enough. But he's confusing me as to how he is now. Does anyone have any suggestions on what's going on with him. Cause he won't share with me. Any alters been through a re-traumatazation? That may help in what re-shaped your personality?
Panther1830
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Re: Changed alter

Postby Panther1830 » Fri Oct 30, 2020 4:16 am

I'm her alter, Owen. I just need to find where I'm needed most now. She takes care of herself and myself as well as treating me to my candy when I'm good. I'm looking forward to her baking during Christmas. And I want to help her smile more. So we can enjoy some cookies and quick breads. I'm just wanting her to save her money to much. I know she needs things for herself and the house. But I'm protective. And persecutor. I want what's best for her. But that's how I tell her off. I know I need to be better at not being regressed. And more her age. And, I hate that. I love kids stuff. I'm 8. But, she needs to be healthy. So slowly as we get older I'll still love chocolate but will accept eating, shredded wheat cereal she loves. I don't like being scared of money. And her dad who caused her main trauma. Is old and dieing but still is her main earnings for the money she'll get besides disability. I know we'll have to get care credit for fillings at the dentist. But am scared of how many. That's why all the candy. But now she knows and I'll cut back.. I'm more confident in her helping me from here. Hearing others stories. Cause that's how she helps me. I know there's going to be some praise or questions. I just want others to know that persecutors are the ones that need the most help. Cause we can and do help out a system. Even if I am the only one in my system.
Panther1830
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Re: Changed alter

Postby Panther1830 » Sat Oct 31, 2020 2:09 am

I lied.

I love to lie and cause trouble. I only want torment and torture. I love when I get my way. So I get sweets. But I have to do chores for them. Or do good.

I hate work, I will not be treated differently. I hate people cause they don't accept me. I know I'm whining. But it's the truth.

I don't like people who basically treat my host good. But don't accept me. I'm invisible, outside but talk freely inside alone. But now we live alone. And theirs no company that fully accepts us for who we are.

I'm mad people like my host, Panther. But, are scared of me so I have to be like they expect. But no one sees me as I am but my host. I'm sad always seems like it. Cause I get nothing but criticism. I don't want my host sad I just want to say I'm sorry.

I caused a lot of trouble, but I'll be ok with therapy. I need it and got her trauma out. That I hid for a long time.

I need to say persecutor parts need love like all parts. And, I just got told off my usual way cause I was acting like a baby. So I got treated as such. I hate it but that's the only way for me to stop.

I just need to be treated like a person to. Not a thing from other people who don't care about someone. I was reasured, my host won't date cause no one accepts her as us. But that creates loneliness. I hate the effect people have on me emotionally. Cause they don't understand. I just want to have someone when we need someone. But it doesn't work out over about ten years of this. I should say Owen does care but I'm a child.

I need my host more than she thinks. But I have been causing this trouble to say what I needed to say to get validated so I could be understood like I or we need
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Re: Changed alter

Postby Panther1830 » Sun Nov 01, 2020 5:52 am

I Owen, like to torture my host. She was never taught anything. And had to learn from other children her age. But, I'm different now. Cause, I can be. I'll save for her dentist cause it's needed. But I am being made aware that I can not totally take over.

I really want to sometimes. But, I need to say I throw up cause of binging on food...to eat more. But my host stops me. I love food. Especially sweets. But I'm being chastised for it cause I black her out and take over, to eat everything I love. I hide it in plain sight. Cause I really don't want to share. I'm on meds for my behavior, but that doesn't stop me. I am just warning my host. Cause it's not good for her. But I love to do things bad, cause I can and I want to. She tells me I can't have everything I want. But this doesn't stop me cause. I want to cause trouble by smoking to much which I fake coughing.

As well as I eat to much to purposely throw up. I like causing pain and to have people worry about her. Cause I like to laugh at her evily. I really know better and haven't done this before but I want to now cause I really think I'm better than others.

I know better but that's my attitude. I am really hating being called psychotic, and evil. Cause I do what I do purposely. But hate the hospital. Cause I don't. I like her not being well. Cause I know I'm going through a phase. I'm mad at disability cause I need money to get what I want. But I have to be taken care of and am not doing my job at all.

I don't do anything. I am bored but there is always things to do. I really just want the time to adjust living alone and not to be jealous not getting candy. I really need to be here but I want to much lately. I'm being treated poorly, cause I'm treating my host as well. I can be like I was. But different. I just need to listen to my hosts boundaries. And not ignore them. I really just am acting out like a 2 yr old. But I know I'm better than that. As well I need to stop causing pain cause it's just to laugh at her. But she laughs at me more saying I'm a big baby. I need to listen to what's right. And I need to stop saying there's no rules.
Panther1830
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Re: Changed alter

Postby Panther1830 » Wed Nov 04, 2020 1:01 am

I'm coming out to my host. And need to say please answer if you like. As to how I am. I want to know.

I am a good alter but, I need attention, love, and caring. I really love my host. But needed more meds. I really want the best for her and need to be better. But, am lacking in the maturity department. I'm only a child alter. But, need some acceptance to be my full self. As I was today.

I want other alters to know your loved, and not to hurt your host physically. They don't understand. But, please don't be mad at me. I'm gaining insight on myself and want to help others. I really know how other alters are and it's up to you to do what you do but I just know we're here for bad reasons. And we know that. That's why we deep down hate ourselves.

I really need to here others stories which I find. But I really hate my hosts memories I blocked. For so long. And she didn't get the help she needed right away when I unlocked those memories. But did eventually. I really hope others understand how hard it is to re live those memories even if you sent them. The false memories are just us getting to know you. And help you accept us the way we are.
Panther1830
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