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Looking for advice for my partner's Nasty Alt

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Looking for advice for my partner's Nasty Alt

Postby Novarious » Thu Sep 17, 2020 6:52 pm

Hello everyone, its be a tough go recently for us and i am combing the internet for any sort of information i can get. Thank you for being here for people like me.

My partner had some serious traumatic things happen to her as a child. Child services were called in and broke her family apart, and they even targeted her for several reasons and interrogated her without guardians to get her to say what they wanted her to say. And from there on she has always carried the guild of what happened because she felt responsible. Well in the last month she started Hypno-Therapy and her alters started poking their heads out, she called them her guardian spirits but they never did much. Except for one, he is a recent arrival compared to the others. showed up about 8 years ago when i was in a bad way with an ex and attempted suicide. My current partner came to assist in my recovery but saw a "demon" was torturing me. so she made a pact with him to sacrifice her soul for mine.

He takes control randomly, and generally digs her nails into her skin to torment me because i cant help her, he also wants to kill her so that he can have her soul. Now eventually i stopped entertaining him and he went into sort of remission i guess. Well now that she was stiring up the pot and facing her trauma he poked his head out again. Taunting the therapist and me by hurting her and telling us her dirty secrets (Nothing that shakes my devotion to her. and the therapist ignores the ranting.) he is moving to bring all the parts in together today or tomorrow. and hopefully put a stop to this.

Are we doing the right thing? does anyone have experience in this? any advice you can give? thank you all, if you need more info i can share.
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Re: Looking for advice for my partner's Nasty Alt

Postby ArbreMonde » Fri Sep 18, 2020 7:20 am

First of all: hypno-therapy in order to "recover memories" and things like that is the. Worse. Idea. Ever. It's the best way to manipulate memories, create false ones, and confuse the whole person. It is also a bad idea when you are dissociative, because of reasons I do not remember on the top of my... well, I do not wear a hat. Pretty blonde curls maybe?

Second: I do not think the behaviors are aimed towards you. Self-destructive parts, the way I understand them, are just like any self-destructive behavior in singlet people.

Why do singlet people self-harm and want to end everything?

Because of the hurt.

They hurt. They feel guilty about what happened. They do not know how to cope. They hate themselves for what happened. They feel "survivor guilt" or "victim guilt".

Same goes for the "dirty secrets". They are part of self-destructive behaviors. The person does not feel worthy of being loved and therefore, self-sabotages the relationship.

Third: the different members of a system are parts of a whole. They are not hijacking the host's life or anything. They deserved to be heard and cared for and listened to, as much as the host does. They are part of the package. Ignoring them is ignoring parts of the person. It is akin to some ABA "therapist" who ignores autistic distress signals (and ignores the distress altogether) because the signals used are not seen as "proper". It is abusive.

In conclusion: you cannot put a stop to self-destructive behaviors by yelling at the self-destructive parts. Just like you cannot stop an autistic meltdown by "training the autistic kid not to have them". If you want to takle the "problematic behavior", you need to understand why there is this behavior, and treat the cause.

Here, the cause is hurt, shame, guilt, self-hatred, all of it linked to the traumatic experiences.

Heal the cause, and you will stop the behaviors.

At least, this is how I understand it from our life experiences as a system.

#Uriel#
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he/him | she/her | they/them

System members: oOo van Hohenheim | oTo Trisha | & Urielle | - X | // Ulysses | ♥ Lust | Sub-system: {Pride|Wrath} | ?? Zami ??

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Re: Looking for advice for my partner's Nasty Alt

Postby Novarious » Fri Sep 18, 2020 2:01 pm

Thanks arbre for the feedback. So i thought Hypno-Therapy was one of the top ways to confront DID? At least everywhere i read. I take it i should encourage her to go see a Psychotherapist then?

Yea she defiantly has guilt. she holds onto anything she has done wrong like a boat anchor and dosnt let go.

With her alters, there are five or six in total. all of them but one are nice, but they do nothing though, they just sit there and in moment of exhaustion they take over to help her body get into bed. otherwise they all fight this nasty one. and he always wins.

I talk to her alts (on the rare chance they show up), i tell them i love all of them and that i care for all of them. i know they are part of her and deserve respect. its just this one that calls himself Ignis, and he will not barter. he just wants to hurt her, and me through it. the last few days he has been at the front (And yes it could be her guilt rising up) and she has been cutting herself. im looking up counseling services in my area already but he wants just me to know he is doing it. he is terrified her family will find out i think.

In the cause you think we are actually yelling at her, we are not. i treat her with love and respect every step of the way, im there for her and i know this is a journey. i just dont want this guilt killing her, or even keeping her down. We have been using the Hypno-Therapy as a means to confront her trauma, and she believed it has been working. i thought that would be working on the cause, maybe there is something deeper?
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Re: Looking for advice for my partner's Nasty Alt

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Fri Sep 18, 2020 7:29 pm

The therapist is “moving to bring all the parts in together“???? Wtf does that mean? That’s not how therapy works for DID. This therapist sounds dangerous. Hypnotherapy to recover memories is not appropriate, like ArbreMonde said.

All the alters are part of a whole and are equally important. I don’t even understand what you mean about one part sacrificing their soul for another—that makes no sense. All the parts need to be treated with compassion and caring, and to get to know each other and communicate better.

These are the treatment guidelines for DID:

https://www.isst-d.org/wp-content/uploa ... ED2011.pdf

If the therapist is unfamiliar with these and/or is dismissive of them, please find someone who knows why they’re doing.
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Re: Looking for advice for my partner's Nasty Alt

Postby ArbreMonde » Sat Sep 19, 2020 7:49 am

Novarious wrote:We have been using the Hypno-Therapy as a means to confront her trauma, and she believed it has been working. i thought that would be working on the cause, maybe there is something deeper?


Oh my where do I start?

Hypno-therapy does NOT help to "dig deeper". In most of the cases where it is used, it creates false memories. DID people are even more sensitive to it. It can be useful to imprint ideas into someone for therapeutic reasons (such as reinforcing the will to stop smoking for example) but trying to "dig deeper" with it is like 99% sure to create false memories (numbers here are an emphasis, I don't know the real numbers but you get the idea). It's difficult enough to deal with the real traumatic memories, we don't need false ones messing our heads up atop of that, thanks.





***********************warning: talks of false memories**********************






I know from experience about implanted false memories. A dude did that with me/us pretending to help me/us. As a result there is a huge zone of my/our memory that I just cannot do anything with anymore since I cannot tell which parts were implanted which parts were already here. And you don't need to do a lot of things to implant ideas/memories. Asking "oriented" or "closed" (yes/no) questions can be enough.







**********************end warning****************************************






Digging too deep too fast into the trauma is a very. Bad. Idea. Like, #1 bad idea. Trauma needs to be faced one step at a time. One of the methods with the best results in processing trauma is EMDR. It does not "dig" into it. It just takes what comes to the surface and helps you process it. That, and art-therapy to express the trauma, are the only two things that ever were of any help for us in here. Talk therapy helps ease up the stress/talk openly without fear of being judged. And every kind of hypnosis thing or past regression or other new-age stuff only hurt us further.

It's a good thing if you feel it helps here but, be careful, okay?

Even for the ones of us who have "encrypted" memories (they "contain" emotional memories paired up with "made up facts" that explain the emotions AND are cohesive with their "character background"), talking about it directly and thinking about it, helps us more than trying to "dig deep".




***********************warning: talk about abuses and "memory encryption" and false memories***********








For example, Reyna contains the emotions linked to being abused by an ex. The way the ex behaved towards us lead Reyna to have some daughter-towards-father emotions. So the emotional trauma of the abuse is linked into her "character backstory" to being abused by her own father. But it does not mean that we were secretly abused by our own father here in the physical world. It only means that it is how our brain made sense of the feelings of "ex was like a father to us" and "ex abused us".

Hypnotherapy would NEVER allow us to process the emotions and separate them from how they are "encrypted". On the contrary, hypnotherapy could create false memories of us being abused by our physical father and forget part of the abuses by the ex.

See how that could be damaging and messed up?





************end warning********************************************




And this is one of the many reasons why hypnotherapy to recover memories or face traumas is a very bad idea for anyone in my opinion. And even a worse idea for dissociative people who already have to deal with so many memory stuff (memories that are sometimes accessible sometimes completely blacked our, for example).

Akin to talk therapy, in here we also talk with/to each-other about what happened, what we remember, what it makes us feel etc. (only when the other one/s is/are willing to hear about it though; forcing system mates to listen to stuff they are not ready to listen to, does more bad than good). We found it helps us being more cohesive and work better as a team since we better understand how each of us thinks/functions.

I cannot choose the kind of therapy you follow nor can I give you orders. Buuuuut I strongly advise to go for a DID specialist therapist or at least an EMDR one. It will avoid making mistakes out of using the "everybody knows that" stereotypical kinda knowledge that most of the time is very ill-advised because it works only in fiction.

--Zami--

(PS: when interacting with multiples, it's usually more polite to directly adress the alter speaking rather than the whole of the system ;) that's why most messages are signed or use some color-coding to indicate who is speaking ;) )

(PPS: this is of course only our own view/experience about hypnosis, the guidelines linked previously explain better how to use the hypnosis tool in a good helpful way. We would not touch hypnosis with a 6 feet pole but if it is used properly and with caution, it can be helpful. The important words here being "properly" and "caution".)
Multiple system Dx autistic, depression, c-PTSD...

he/him | she/her | they/them

System members: oOo van Hohenheim | oTo Trisha | & Urielle | - X | // Ulysses | ♥ Lust | Sub-system: {Pride|Wrath} | ?? Zami ??

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