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How can I deal with highly manipulative and perverse alter?

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How can I deal with highly manipulative and perverse alter?

Postby MenOfTheFutur » Mon Sep 07, 2020 9:34 pm

Hello,

Il seems to me that I have to deal with one or several personalities who spend their time trying to make me believe false things and trying to make me suffer. They have a very taunting and troll-like behavior.

I suffered from muscular paralysis, posture problems and facial expressions problems for years. It triggers pain, sometimes very intense pain, and it also affects me socially very harshly (because it causes me to make facial expressions that makes me look aggressive, and/or submissive and/or weird).

During the past 15 years I spent days and nights trying to sort out those problems. First by seeing therapists, then by trying to figure out how to cure myself on my own.
I tried to do muscle manipulation (jaw, tongue, eyes, etc.), skin tapping, EMDR, mental procedures with shapes and colors, listening to specific sound frequencies.

Each time I was trying a new manipulation, it seemed to me it was working but a few hours or a few days later, the problem systematically kept coming back.
Then I found out that I had dissociative personality disorder, and that it was the extra personality/ies that were causing me paralysis.

I asked them why it/they were messing around with me, why it/they paralyzed me and I got a lot of contradictory answers depending on the time I was asking the question: ‘because we’re scared’, ‘to piss you off’, ‘we love to make you suffer’, ‘cause it’s fun’, ‘we’re hiding’, ‘we’re afraid to die’, ‘we’re not allowed to tell you’.

Then I asked them why it/they was/were finding it amusing to unparalyze me at the exact moment I was trying to unparalyze myself, and the answer was: ‘to please you’, and then another time: ‘to piss you off and to see you struggle’, ‘I’m not allowed to tell you’, ‘because it’s so funny’.
It/they has/have fun displaying to me mental images of me slaughtering my girlfriend or my father using various methods. Into my head, they mess with me and denigrate or insult my girlfriend.
It often happened that they blocked my breathing, almost making me suffocate.

It/they inflicted torture sessions on me before, during which I was feeling horrible headaches, as if my head was going to explode. Feeling at the same time awfully anxious as if I was suffocating.
It/they hide their identity, they make up fake personalities (with a different voice and manner of speaking), fake traumas (and fake muscular reactions to my traumas), they make up false memories, fake causes to their actions, they never answer to questions precisely, they make conflicting arguments, they tell ridiculous and irrational things or they try to make me doing stupid things that always result in me making a fool of myself.

I tried to ask for it/them to merge with me and they made me believe that we had merged when that was in no way the case.

While I finally think I’ve located some of my personalities and understood some mechanisms, all of a sudden, I notice that everything changes as if the whole thing had been made up.
It/they insult and denigrate me and my friends. In my head, I can hear insults on a loop. It/they very regularly threaten me that they’re going to kill me or my girlfriend.
Sometimes I happen to hear in my head: ‘Caution! He’s listening to us’ or ‘How are we going to tear him off a strip?’ or ‘You stupid moron’.

Several times, when I was riding my scooter, they immobilized my hand on the accelerator and completely paralyzed me. I could have died. They have the power to give me stomach aches and it doesn’t bother them to do it systematically when I’ve swallowed specific kinds of food. It/they discourage me doing my tasks, telling me internally that it is too hard and that I’ll never be able to do it.

It/they create some sort of anxiety, fear and malaise that rub off on my own perception.
It seems that their game is to make me make the worst facial and body expressions in order to get people to be the meanest and the most despising with me.
I also have the feeling that they take perverse pleasure in showing me what could look my life (during a few hours) if they were not making it hell.

When I ask them why they are doing this, they answer me: ‘Because we’re afraid’, ‘to not die’, ‘because it’s so funny’, ‘we love making your life a hell’, ‘to prevent people from eating you’.

I have no hold over them; I know nothing about my system;

I’m lost.
MenOfTheFutur
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Re: How can I deal with highly manipulative and perverse alter?

Postby Vampress905 » Sun Sep 13, 2020 1:59 am

Hi I dont know if this will help you but you are not alone my husband has a alter like yours and he tends to make life very hard to deal with especially on his bad days. He has the headaches and the terrible thoughts. It's gotten to a point where he has cheated on me and I got an STD. He has even threaten to do worse just to get me to leave him. At this point i dont know what to do or say because I know it's not him. Hopefully we can find out together.
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