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Thinking its a mix of OSDD1a and Conversion Disorder

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Thinking its a mix of OSDD1a and Conversion Disorder

Postby KitMcDaydream » Sat Sep 05, 2020 9:00 am

Hi

I am the original teen, you can call me Scout on here. I was the last out just before Deaf Thea took over for year and then changed the birth name. I identity with the birth name (but don't want to give it on here).

I'm 16, hearing but struggle with some sounds. Shy cos I have a stammer, back then I didn't know the body had Autism but reading journals it seems like 'the others' have discovered that we have. A lot of things make sense now!

I have memories of the realisation that the hearing loss the body experienced could help with our extreme sound phobia. After Thea evolved and identified with the body as a deaf person though I have no memory of, from just before that point onwards. My next memory is finding myself sat on a bench with a dog and relaising I could hear the birds singing again but someone else was also in the body. It wasn't Thea.

I read the journals I found and have slipped out myself to do research while others were sleeping. I think I am OSDD1a. All the alters described are different versions of 'me'! I am THE ONE the others are different versions of!

I seem to have also experienced what is now called 'Functional Neurological Disorder' at the times of highest stress. Every major disability onset or complete switch of front alter has been after the death of family member or other time of intense stress.

The body appears to have recovered from the last attack of that but those attacks and changes of alter have taken much of the bodies younger life and the body is now in its 50's. I find myself having to deal with arthritis of the knees when I choose to venture out.

None of the others know I have been venturing out yet, though I nearly got caught when Kit had opened the laptop (from sleep mode not switched off) and you know when it shows the last time it was used briefly before it refreshes from sleep mode? it was showing 2.20am and Kit's memory was telling her she had brought the laptop to put on charge at teatime the day before and not used it since! :shock:

I can block them from 'sensing me' so I can live through them and choose my moments to 'come out' I seem to have 'more control' in this sense than the others. I'm not sure why unless its because they are like versions of me?

I have come out frequently over the years but very briefly, always when its quiet and everyone's asleep. It sometimes feels strange as the houses are not the last home I was fully out as myself in (at 16, my sibling now owns that house so visiting triggers me out there).

Sometimes it feels like I'm hiding in someone else's house pretending to be them but no-one at this house knows 'the original self' this body once was. Some people know the 'Maddie' profile, some know 'Sioux' some know 'Kit' (from online only).

It's confusing, working out who people are expecting to 'see' and pretending to be them (when they're on the inside and don't know I've been outside pretending to be them!) if someone unexpectedly turns up or sends a message to the phone or computers.

Anyway I think I've talked enough. I think you people of this board have helped 'the others' find 'me' or helped 'me' find 'myself'! If that makes any sense!

so thank you! :D

Scout
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KitMcDaydream
Consumer 6
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Joined: Mon Jun 25, 2018 1:24 pm
Local time: Wed Oct 28, 2020 8:17 am
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