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Hi, and my journey thread

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Re: Hi, and my journey thread

Postby spinningtops » Tue Mar 02, 2021 10:45 am

i don't know what happened but it was like i was so emotionally overwhelmed by everyone, I could not do anything with my kids, my husband took over, i just felt completely emotionally gone today. i think it might be everything stacking on each other.
so i feel i will have to look for another therapist probably soon, its really hard cause of my social anxiety to reach out to one. but this last one, i had been trying to get the free consultation set up, but he takes a week to get back to me on several occasions now, and so I am taking that as a red flag, which i guess is good cause it's before getting invested in someone to find out it's a problem.
I am feeling a new anger at my dad. before i was angry at a lot of negative stuff that happened earlier but now i am just mad he left me to take care of all his problems for when he got sick. He had so much time to prepare and he did literally nothing. And it just sucks cause he was the only family member i felt that maybe cared a little so it's like I feel this deep betrayal from the world itself, that i am suddenly stuck with seeing things this way. I used to feel like there was someone, but it just feels like all a lie now. anyways that's all. Regardless of this I had been trying really hard to emotionally be there for him and help him since I know he's struggling a great deal and has a lot of confusion/dementia issues happening right now. But 1) knowing I am in for another 3 months.. and 2) that I losing it, having a hard time being there for my kids.. its like I need to pull away some for my own sanity.
well the one good thing is my husband has been very supportive through this. he did shopping for me tonight, cause we had no food and i was like I think we're all gonna starve cause I cannot go shopping right now and he just did it, which was great..
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Re: Hi, and my journey thread

Postby spinningtops » Tue Mar 23, 2021 5:45 am

started a new therapy, looking a lot more promising. new issue is that i am nervous to tell how i am really doing. that i am not doing super well. also i don't really want to talk about the did things cause i feel like it probably wouldn't be believed.
today is super hard cause my son has been a bit much and i have been too overwhelmed to be there for him properly. my husband, i just feel like he's upset, but don't know cause he often doesn't tell me, so i don't ask. i just have been feeling super numb and i went and did chores to not be around my kids today and only just played a super quick game with them for bedtime and i feel a bit regretful for that. i wish i wasn't so overwhelmed so i could be better for them.
my mom comes over tomorrow, had no time to prepare for that so far, as i took my dad to town today.
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Re: Hi, and my journey thread

Postby ArbreMonde » Tue Mar 23, 2021 6:12 pm

Sending moral support. It does sound like a rough day for you.

I hope that you will manage to find a way to communicate with your husband, as well as find nice, fun ways to take care of your children without being too overwhelmed by it all.

Hang in there. It gets better, eventually.

__
Aragorn.
Autistic, DID

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Re: Hi, and my journey thread

Postby spinningtops » Wed Mar 24, 2021 6:31 am

thank you very much. <3 today went a bit better.
i watched part of a show with the kids for part of our time together which was nice cause it was still something we were doing together but was more low key.
but yeah have to just pay more attention to my stress levels these days.
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Re: Hi, and my journey thread

Postby spinningtops » Wed Apr 07, 2021 10:39 am

i don't feel much these days when i think about the past. i was getting very angry and now it's like i don't want to go there. and i just feel nothing instead around this cause it's just too exhausting to feel around these areas anymore. i wonder if this happens to others.
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Re: Hi, and my journey thread

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Wed Apr 07, 2021 6:44 pm

It's a back and forth thing for us. If we get too overwhelmed by feelings about the past (or about anything, for that matter), we might shut down and stop feeling anything.

More and more we're trying to not get to that point--to recognize when a feeling is becoming too much, and backing off so we keep it at a tolerable level.
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