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Found A Photo

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Found A Photo

Postby Zor » Thu Aug 13, 2020 10:11 pm

A photo of me, after graduation, after our long time family dog had died... I'm cuddling on an adorable puppy... that I have NO MEMORY OF.

This isn't unusual. I'm finding I don't remember so so much... but this photo, this period at that age, and NO MEMORY...

It's one thing to KNOW you're missing time, memories, etc.
It's entirely different and so much harder to be holding and staring at ABSOLUTE EVIDENCE of it.

This sucks. I feel like $#%^. I hate this crap sometimes.
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Re: Found A Photo

Postby MakersDozn » Thu Aug 13, 2020 10:19 pm

hi Zor,

we're sorry that you can't remember the puppy.

would it help if you asked inside if anyone else remembers? i know that's not the same as you remembering, but maybe it's the next best thing.

shawn (16/f)
Multiple self-dxed 1996. Body 58f. System of 47: 42 ♀, 5 ♂; 17 littles (7+under), 9 middles (8-11), 14 teens (12-17+), 5 bigs (18+up), + a formless yin/yang. Oldest member is 25.

Notable: Charity 25, Deborah 23, Drew 23f, Mary 23, Rachel 23, Laura 17.5, Allegra 17, Cass 17, shawn 16f.
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Re: Found A Photo

Postby Johnny-Jack » Thu Aug 13, 2020 11:49 pm

Hi Zor. That sounds so familiar. After I realized I had DID, I started noticing a lot of this type of thing -- unrecognized photos or unfamiliar reminiscences by family or friends, mostly from before adulthood. In fact I'd always had these experiences, I'd just written them off as in "huh, must have forgot that" and didn't much register the oddity. Once I got and owned the diagnosis, the type of mismatch had an identifiable cause -- DID, not simple forgetting -- so I knew there might be more information somewhere inside.

Over time I learned to pause and listen inside, inquisitively, along the lines of what Shawn suggests. Listening opening is how we ask inside, though sometimes we'll actually speak inside or aloud "does anyone remember anything about this?" We do that for immediate things like misplaced house keys or wallet. If there's a response from inside, it's usually not in words. For example, we might find ourselves meandering to near where the objects are and we then just see them.

I give all these details because my therapist has often said "ask inside, somebody knows." This has frustrated us because the answer we get back sometimes is ... a blank feeling of "yeah, we heard you but nobody knows. Really." Still, sometimes we get verbal or nonverbal answers.

Let us know if you get anything about the photo. It'd be interesting to hear how other systems receive information that a specific alter, say the host, doesn't have.

One last thing is that some events we heard about or saw photos of were bland, just mundane event from school, not at all traumatic. The gaps were perplexing until we discovered we had a different host during some of junior and senior high school, Calvin, whom we hadn't met yet. But even though we know and communicate verbally with him, it's not like he has a photographic memory of everything that happened. Stuff is fuzzy, maybe because it was long ago.
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Re: Found A Photo

Postby MakersDozn » Tue Aug 18, 2020 7:25 pm

hi Johnny-Jack,

thanks for saying that my post was helpful.

shawn (with a small "s")
Multiple self-dxed 1996. Body 58f. System of 47: 42 ♀, 5 ♂; 17 littles (7+under), 9 middles (8-11), 14 teens (12-17+), 5 bigs (18+up), + a formless yin/yang. Oldest member is 25.

Notable: Charity 25, Deborah 23, Drew 23f, Mary 23, Rachel 23, Laura 17.5, Allegra 17, Cass 17, shawn 16f.
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Re: Found A Photo

Postby Zor » Wed Aug 19, 2020 9:25 pm

MakersDozn wrote:hi Zor,

we're sorry that you can't remember the puppy.

would it help if you asked inside if anyone else remembers? i know that's not the same as you remembering, but maybe it's the next best thing.

shawn (16/f)


I've made a note of it in the journal, the few that have replied haven't said they remember it yet.

Sent my mom a message about it, too... no reply there, either. :/
(Body - Male, 39)
Zor - primary host & main poster
The rest of us: {\Pixie/}, Kaitie-Lynn (aka "Kitten"), Kaleb, Angel, Katya, Satin, Charles, Chloe, Noah, and a few rarely seen
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Re: Found A Photo

Postby IainEtc » Thu Aug 20, 2020 4:09 pm

Hi Zor,

That s*cks! You need all the good memories you can get.

Iain
Iain - 14, Colin - 17, Evan - 7, Cody - 16, Raven, & Host - the adult out front

When they say 'be yourself',
which one do they mean?
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Re: Found A Photo

Postby Sarandipity » Fri Aug 21, 2020 7:33 am

Hi Zor, it does suck more when you have evidence of memory blank.
Much Luck, Sarah
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Re: Found A Photo

Postby Zor » Sat Aug 22, 2020 8:27 pm

Sarandipity wrote:Hi Zor, it does suck more when you have evidence of memory blank.
Much Luck, Sarah


Sort of... I think it's a "staring you in the face" kind of situation. There's NO denying something literally screaming "you can't possibly know this... and you lived it". It's just so... disorienting.

It's not like I don't KNOW that that stuff exists... but it's easy to put it out of mind, to consider it "my weirdness" or "my memory problems"... but this is proof of it that can't be denied- worse yet others were involved, b/c SOMEONE took the photo (parents most likely since they had the photo to begin with). IDK why that day it hit so hard, or why this bothers me so much... maybe it's that the timing and losing our dog before this puppy... the deep deep love for dogs we have- or that we LEFT the area maybe a year later (NO more than that long) and DID NOT have this dog. I have no idea when we got, when we let it go, what happened to it, who it was. It's just so.... jarring to know something that could be days or weeks or even months is entirely absent from my awareness...
As of yet, too, no one inside has stepped up to talk about it or say they know about it. So it's just weird all around.
(Body - Male, 39)
Zor - primary host & main poster
The rest of us: {\Pixie/}, Kaitie-Lynn (aka "Kitten"), Kaleb, Angel, Katya, Satin, Charles, Chloe, Noah, and a few rarely seen
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Zor
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Re: Found A Photo

Postby MakersDozn » Sun Aug 23, 2020 12:31 am

Maybe it's just a random puppy that you met once and never saw again? And someone just happened to take a picture?

MDs
Multiple self-dxed 1996. Body 58f. System of 47: 42 ♀, 5 ♂; 17 littles (7+under), 9 middles (8-11), 14 teens (12-17+), 5 bigs (18+up), + a formless yin/yang. Oldest member is 25.

Notable: Charity 25, Deborah 23, Drew 23f, Mary 23, Rachel 23, Laura 17.5, Allegra 17, Cass 17, shawn 16f.
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Re: Found A Photo

Postby Zor » Sun Aug 23, 2020 1:52 pm

MakersDozn wrote:Maybe it's just a random puppy that you met once and never saw again? And someone just happened to take a picture?

MDs


IDK, maybe... it's in our house though, the furniture and blankets on the couch are recognizable.

I hope maybe my mother will *eventually* reply and shed some light on it. :/
(Body - Male, 39)
Zor - primary host & main poster
The rest of us: {\Pixie/}, Kaitie-Lynn (aka "Kitten"), Kaleb, Angel, Katya, Satin, Charles, Chloe, Noah, and a few rarely seen
User avatar
Zor
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Posts: 1526
Joined: Mon May 07, 2018 12:32 pm
Local time: Sat Nov 28, 2020 7:08 am
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