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Do you like all your alts?

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Do you like all your alts?

Postby Manners73 » Sat Jul 18, 2020 8:38 pm

Just as the question says...Do you like all your alts?

Are there any that cause you trouble in your life?

Are there any that are socially unacceptable?
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Re: Do you like all your alts?

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Sat Jul 18, 2020 8:56 pm

Are you asking as the host alter? Because the same question could be put to each of you, right?

You might also all have somewhat different opinions about what constitutes "trouble," and what's considered socially acceptable. I know that we do. I'm sure my littles think the older ones cause a lot of trouble in their lives because we don't spend as much time playing as they would like. Sasha would want to talk about sex much more often than other ones are comfortable with, and she has a wider view of when that's acceptable than some others of us--but that's not wrong, just different.

I guess if we had someone who was doing something illegal, that wouldn't be socially acceptable and would certainly cause a lot of trouble (if caught), but fortunately we don't have that in our system.

I just think it's important to stay aware that any particular alter isn't more important than any other, and one point of view isn't more important than another.
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Re: Do you like all your alts?

Postby MakersDozn » Sat Jul 18, 2020 10:32 pm

In addition to agreeing with everything that Gang said, we'd like to add:

In our system, the adults have far more issues to work through than the minors do. Minors far outnumber the adults--you can see the age-group breakdown in our signature.

As we got to know our system, the middles/tweens (ages eight to 11) were the first group to act cohesively as a group, even though a few of them had some issues to work on individually. They've always respected each other and worked together, with any normal "sibling rivalry" scenarios at a minimum.

Secondly, a group of helper teens formed from slightly less than half of our teen population. They progressed in a way similar to the tweens, and for a very long time, they've willingly and successfully cared for their younger siblings.

All of the other minors of various ages tend to spend time alone or in very small groups.

Our five adults are a different story. Not only are we each dealing with our own baggage, we've taken on the baggage of the minors to ease their burden. It might be argued that doing so (1) denies the minors a true opportunity to work through all of what they've been through, and (2) burdens the adults with additional traumas that may have not been theirs to begin with, making it harder for the adults to heal.

While it may be valid to make these two observations, especially from the standpoint of understanding our situation, from a practical standpoint, it's not necessarily in our best interest to "give each burden back" to whomever bore it originally. One, it would retraumatize the minors, and two, the role of passive influence is so prevalent in our history that we have no way of knowing for certain all of those who are connected to a particular memory.

Practically speaking, compassion is our best guide. Healthy self-care aside, good outside parents make sacrifices for their kids. The key is finding balance while attending to both.

In answer to the original question, for us the answer is "no." We don't like every outside person we meet, and the same is true for how we feel about those on the inside. But if we balance self-respect and respect for others, we can succeed in whatever situations we face.

Mary and Allegra
Multiple self-dxed 1996. Body 58f. System of 47: 42 ♀, 5 ♂; 17 littles (7+under), 9 middles (8-11), 14 teens (12-17+), 5 bigs (18+up), + a formless yin/yang. Oldest member is 25.

Notable: Charity 25, Deborah 23, Drew 23f, Mary 23, Rachel 23, Laura 17.5, Allegra 17, Cass 17, shawn 16f.
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Re: Do you like all your alts?

Postby fireheart » Sun Jul 19, 2020 7:19 am

I agree with The Gang and the MDs.

Would like to add that I wouldn't say that we *like* each other all the time, but by now there is mutual understanding and some level of trust. We trust that we are all trying to cope with life and with the past, and some of us are misguided at times. That's just what happens, and that's why sometimes we need to help each other more - rather than fight.

Yes, some of us carry things that are socially unacceptable. We actually have a pretty stern talk about the consequences of things like that with the parts in question, in the hopes that they will start to see that they have other choices.

We still fight sometimes, but largely feel safe with each other. It's the result of years of hard work, and a current safe environment.
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Re: Do you like all your alts?

Postby Sarandipity » Sun Jul 19, 2020 8:43 am

I think for me some parts still don't know each-other. I could be wrong but it's a feeling I have. There was Alot of rivally and dislike. What stopped that was in therapy in my late 20's I realised it was unhelpful to my life and from when parts started to work together then I started completing stuff like courses instead of them being sabotaged. I dunno if parts like each-other of not really.

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Monte Carlo or Bust
Rose and Patrick
Batcho and Fortune (twins), Paul and Lilly,
No-one and Peter, Beth and Karen, Mandy and Mouse plus a seperate system of fragments including: rabit and others.
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Re: Do you like all your alts?

Postby ArbreMonde » Sun Jul 19, 2020 9:39 am

I can speak only about the ones cohesive enough to reach front on a regular basis.

We don't all like each-other. Some of us avoid each-other the best they can. With the help of Theia, we do our best so that our actions are as much as possible, aimed towards "working as a team". We do have our individualities, different art styles, food preferences, behaviors, mannerisms... We are individuals. But we do our best to work as a team.

We also are lucky enough to not have too much "trouble-makers". I guess I'm the worse "trouble-maker" of the lot, but I'm working on it. Pride has some trouble-making potential, but he'd rather stay put and enjoy front time rather than make trouble and be banned from front. Good boy!

--Zami--
Multiple system Dx autistic, depression, c-PTSD...

They/them: --Zami--
He/him: -X- or -David- | oOo van H. oOo | //Ulysses// | °Isaïa° | ((Wolf)) | {Envy} | #Uriel# | {Wrath} | .....
She/her: ~Theia~ | oOo Mrs. H. oOo | *Reyna* | ♥Lust♥ | .....

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Re: Do you like all your alts?

Postby Manners73 » Sun Jul 19, 2020 3:47 pm

I only asked because I'm only just beginning to understand that I have different parts to me. I only know a couple of them but I know there are more.
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Re: Do you like all your alts?

Postby MakersDozn » Mon Jul 20, 2020 3:33 pm

Thank you, everyone. It helps us a great deal to know that others have experiences similar to ours.

Manners73 wrote:I only asked because I'm only just beginning to understand that I have different parts to me. I only know a couple of them but I know there are more.

This is normal and common. We learn things about our system (including number of members) gradually, to prevent ourselves from becoming overwhelmed.

MDs
Multiple self-dxed 1996. Body 58f. System of 47: 42 ♀, 5 ♂; 17 littles (7+under), 9 middles (8-11), 14 teens (12-17+), 5 bigs (18+up), + a formless yin/yang. Oldest member is 25.

Notable: Charity 25, Deborah 23, Drew 23f, Mary 23, Rachel 23, Laura 17.5, Allegra 17, Cass 17, shawn 16f.
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Re: Do you like all your alts?

Postby IainEtc » Sat Aug 01, 2020 12:28 am

Hi,

Our old T said we don't have to like everybody inside but we do have to respect them. Mostly that works because we're trying to do our jobs the best we can. Sometimes it's hard when somebody's scary or just acting dumb - but we try. Cody and I totally didn't get along for a long time. Then we went through some stuff together in therapy and now she's like my sister (a good sister who I really trust). She can still drive me crazy but that's just us.

Iain
Iain - 14, Colin - 17, Evan - 7, Cody - 16, Raven, & Host - the adult out front

When they say 'be yourself',
which one do they mean?
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Re: Do you like all your alts?

Postby Johnny-Jack » Sun Aug 02, 2020 8:50 pm

My immediate reaction to the question in the subject line was, yes, I do. But I figured I'd better think about it a bit and not just post that, since I didn't know how everyone else felt. But yes, I do like everyone. I know why they are the way they are and I have compassion for them. Plus we're all the same person anyway so it seems counter-productive and illogical to dislike or judge other parts. We didn't have much choice about our early experiences.

I still don't know how everyone feels about us all or about anything but we haven't seen any signs of hostility or resentment for a few years maybe. Most of us whom we know well can say they like everybody. The littles who do communicate are accepting of and like even alters who are surly, standoffish, grumpy or emotionally damaged.
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