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Trouble or Batcho

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Trouble or Batcho

Postby Sarandipity » Mon May 25, 2020 4:32 am

To my knowledge this is my oldest alter. I'm trying to write before he wakes up. He seems to be constantly awake with me and I don't know why because usually he is the last person to bother being in the body.

He was my imaginary friend as a child. He is grown. He is "criminally insane" that's his own description. He had a gun when I was 2 and he was always with me. Has always been with me.

While he's been with me I keep hearing child parts saying "yeah that's our Dad" like their watching and listening because they don't believe he's in the body so long either - same because I don't know why he's hanging around so long but he is. Despite his self diagnosis of being criminally insane I wouldn't want anyone else with me at the moment because I'm in a psychiatric hospital.

He can get angry at anything and has arguments with inanimate objects. He'll tell and inanimate object to shut up for example and threaten it.

The child parts think that's funny. He'll suddenly get paranoid and start threatening something, most commonly electronic items because he says one version of reality is machines taking over. So he'll stare at a microwave for example and think "I don't care if you're s microwave I will f you up. I'm not frightened of you. If you think you're taking over the world..." And the child parts laugh and think or say "yeah, that's our Dad"

The rest of the time he'll sit quite calm, or still but he's raging. Absolutely raging all the time. To me it feels like he's thinking of nothing, his mind is blank. But then suddenly he'll come to a conclusion and I might hear the last bit or I might not and then he'll think something like "ok so that's that then" or "yeah, do that" or "ok then"

Then he might rethink which is annoying because if he starts rethinking or second guessing himself then he'll flit between several scenarios.

He's been paranoid of this hospital the whole time he's been here but he doesn't care about that at all. Literally that's last on his list of priorities. I don't know what his list of priorities is except for his possible future outcomes of humanity list. Top is lizard people, he hates them. Second is robots taking over the earth. Third is humans never making it to other planets or through worm holes or whatever and dieing out on this rock.

Everything after that is crime and how to avoid being caught. Literally being in the hospital is his last concern. The doctor said schitzophrenic at us and I wanted to say I did actually disagree and try to explain about alters which the doctor did seem willing to listen. But Batcho took it to mean the doctor asking "do you give a F what I think of you" so he said "I don't f'in care what label you give. I don't give a F about labels"

It seemed like after he dealt with what he interpreted as an insult and a slight on his ability to deal with critism and the doctor basically saying he was effecting him by giving him a label he carried on thinking about whatever he was thinking about and I was sort of back but phasing in and out with someone else. I don't really know what I was starting to say and the doctor started saying something else so I went with that.

He's ok to be in hospital with because he doesn't care. Taking tablets, doesn't care. Rules, we don't know them because we're here of our own free will which we have never been before. Also in hindsight he realised he answered the doctors schitzophrenic question wrong because he was thinking about other stuff. And realised he should argue it. That's like the least of his worries and apparently easy to say but I feel nervous of saying anything about alters or arguing that they are not voices like schitzophrenic voices.

I was right though, as soon as you say voices they still say schitzophrenic. I think there's alot more people with Dissociative disorder due to childhood abuse and neglect than is documented because of the failure by the psychiatric community to ask the right questions. They want to quickly slap a label on you and shove you out the door.

Batcho wants to stay here for about a year. Apparently he has alot of thinking to do. One plan concluded successfully. Apparently before he was in a much more isolated place and his thinking was more contained and simple. Apparently from then to now things are alot more complicated. I dunno why or what he's talking/thinking about but as usual it involves crime plus politics plus his own crazy abstract ideas which is actual Giants at the moment. Everyone knows actual Giants as a threat are bottom of his fear list, fairies are above Giants on his fear list. Lizard people at the top, Giants way down the bottom. So everyone is quite chilled out except him. And every now and again he tells himself lizard people are coming but I've worked out that's to up his rage and pressure level when he's trying to think of something on his feet.

I dunno what he's doing or why it takes so much effort but I'm glad I'm in a psychiatric hospital because he can spiral quickly and start using objects like they are people in a plan and then he gets obsessed of which thing he's putting where and starts moving things around till he's happy with his plan. Then he confuses himself, moves all the stuff again, forgets his plan, makes sure he can remember it and then forgets it again. It's like an OCD. Sarah
Monte Carlo or Bust
Rose and Patrick
Batcho and Fortune (twins), Paul and Lilly,
No-one and Peter, Beth and Karen, Mandy and Mouse plus a seperate system of fragments including: rabit and others.
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Re: Trouble or Batcho

Postby Sarandipity » Sun May 31, 2020 7:25 am

So he's on death row. With 6 others that he "started this with" whatever it is, approximately - I dunno, some years ago. He won't name them, says they were dead and in Hell - as usual, everyone seems to come from Hell except me and Beth. No-one went to Hell and came back but others come from Hell. Except the Overlord too, he predates Hell. Ok there are some who haven't been to Hell but alot have or are from there. The only one he named was "Mother #####& Jones" but that's definitely a film character.

This was all caused by being taken to a holding place we were in years ago. When he was there years ago it was all men and us. This time it was empty with us and 4 staff. There's two cells with metal doors, small sections with chairs and an open section with a bed. He sat on the chair for ages remembering his movements and who he called from Hell. There was 6-8 of them but apparently now there's only 6. I dunno how or why. Something to do with the Kray dropping the numbers to 6 - they're too young and a potential liability due to youth. These others are apparently very old and that nobody has heard of. Except Mother #####& Jones is definitely a film character so it's all some internal game he's played for a long time.

Apparently there's a plan from now to whenever and we're not involved and don't need to worry.

I couldn't take being in the empty place so I left. I walked back to the enchanted forest through the minators maze and took the Kray twins with me. The warewolves had something big planned for the blood moon and I lifted the curse with the help of Jesus who visits the enchanted forest of going crazy before a blood moon. During that Batcho was talking to his main business partner and the Kray twins were doing something else entirely. The anti psychotics stopped all that. I feel better.

-- Sun May 31, 2020 7:28 am --

Obviously in reality I just walked home.

We did talk to doctor about alters. It was ok but he can't help with that.

I want to write about Bstchos paranoia of the hospital but I can't right now.
Monte Carlo or Bust
Rose and Patrick
Batcho and Fortune (twins), Paul and Lilly,
No-one and Peter, Beth and Karen, Mandy and Mouse plus a seperate system of fragments including: rabit and others.
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Re: Trouble or Batcho

Postby ArbreMonde » Sun May 31, 2020 9:47 am

Wow it sounds like you are having a hard time untangling the Innerworld from the Outerworld lately. Sending tons of moral support! Hope you will manage to stay safe in the middle of all that's going on.

--Zami--
Multiple system Dx autistic, depression, c-PTSD...

They/them: --Zami--
He/him: -X- or -David- | oOo van H. oOo | //Ulysses// | °Isaïa° | ((Wolf)) | {Envy} | #Uriel# | {Wrath} | .....
She/her: ~Theia~ | oOo Mrs. H. oOo | *Reyna* | ♥Lust♥ | .....

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Re: Trouble or Batcho

Postby Sarandipity » Fri Jun 05, 2020 9:04 am

Thanks Zami. Yes totally inside outside. It's what happens to me under severe stress. I think it's because I used imagination to mentally escape abuse as a kid.

It's gone because of the tablet. I feel a bit like a mixture of alters at present because of the tablets I think. Switching is horrible and difficult.

I notice small keys of people trying to be present. Beth smokes more and she was definitely coming through for half of yesterday because I smoked loads. Batcho is background present still because if appliances don't work I call them names - he believes they could become a robot army. I still feel like I am in the Enchanted Forset but it's more of a comfort thing than a believing I'm there. I feel safer especially without anyone else to switch in. I sort of miss Paul but he's nowhere to be seen. Rose comes close but she's far away if that makes sense.

I can do this. I've done it before. Been in this state of no alters just hints of them and it's probably better while I get used to all the trauma they remembered or wrote down while I wait for therapy. Tablets kill a lot of stuff. Alters, emotions but also risk of no sleep or inside outside and memory gaps. So temporarily it's ok. The doc said 6months and then change to a different one that's less dramatic.

Thanks, Sarah
Monte Carlo or Bust
Rose and Patrick
Batcho and Fortune (twins), Paul and Lilly,
No-one and Peter, Beth and Karen, Mandy and Mouse plus a seperate system of fragments including: rabit and others.
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Re: Trouble or Batcho

Postby Sarandipity » Sat Jun 06, 2020 11:56 pm

Hi, tablets are making switching hard. But I learnt me and Batch are verbally a lethal combination.

I'm a silent cba angry person. He's verbal. So he says what I'm thinking, what I normally keep to myself.

Me and Beth had a lovely evening playing cards and then between the ex bf and some Internet perv they upset Beth. So Beth got cutty and I got angry. And Batcho verbalised it.

Dunno if it will effect overall but I feel I just verbally anilhilatwd the ex. I don't care, I'm just saying. And verbally annilihared any vulnerability we posses.

The truth is like air. - there Batcho goes again, I think and he says, I was gonna think it and not say it so I blocked the rest of that quote and now he's arguing to know it - nope he doesn't care. Anyway it is.

No-one
Monte Carlo or Bust
Rose and Patrick
Batcho and Fortune (twins), Paul and Lilly,
No-one and Peter, Beth and Karen, Mandy and Mouse plus a seperate system of fragments including: rabit and others.
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Sarandipity
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Re: Trouble or Batcho

Postby Sarandipity » Sun Jun 07, 2020 12:47 am

Can I remind everyone Rosey doesn't speak English. I accidentally taught her to say "you're a whore" She doesn't know what it means. Not too sure what to do about it but just remember she doesn't speak English. When present usually Paul speaks for her but says what she wants to say. Batcho.
Monte Carlo or Bust
Rose and Patrick
Batcho and Fortune (twins), Paul and Lilly,
No-one and Peter, Beth and Karen, Mandy and Mouse plus a seperate system of fragments including: rabit and others.
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Sarandipity
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Re: Trouble or Batcho

Postby Sarandipity » Sun Jun 07, 2020 8:15 am

Sarandipity wrote:Hi, tablets are making switching hard. But I learnt me and Batch are verbally a lethal combination.

I'm a silent cba angry person. He's verbal. So he says what I'm thinking, what I normally keep to myself.

Me and Beth had a lovely evening playing cards and then between the ex bf and some Internet perv they upset Beth. So Beth got cutty and I got angry. And Batcho verbalised it.

Dunno if it will effect overall but I feel I just verbally anilhilatwd the ex. I don't care, I'm just saying. And verbally annilihared any vulnerability we posses.

The truth is like air. - there Batcho goes again, I think and he says, I was gonna think it and not say it so I blocked the rest of that quote and now he's arguing to know it - nope he doesn't care. Anyway it is.

No-one


As usual No-one you have few words and I know you said some poignant stuff. I bit of what you actually said would of been good, I have the feeling of it but a clue to the actual words would of been good. Anyway Thanks, Sarah
Monte Carlo or Bust
Rose and Patrick
Batcho and Fortune (twins), Paul and Lilly,
No-one and Peter, Beth and Karen, Mandy and Mouse plus a seperate system of fragments including: rabit and others.
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Re: Trouble or Batcho

Postby Sarandipity » Tue Jun 09, 2020 9:13 am

She tried. She couldn't type it.

Anyway I was with her this morning. She went because the shaking was too much. She left quite easily so reducing the dose has helped in a small way. Wouldn't risk switching anyone in. I'm still psychosis free but I expect that will come back once these meds are gone out of the system completely.

I was writing here to say when in the holding place with the two cells. Dunno when I was there before but I was with all men the last guy in my plan was then at the hospital they sent me to. By how the place was my plan worked out. The last guy to me was Fortune. That bit doesn't matter so much as it means from start to finish it worked.

You will all say its psychotic but I don't care. The holding cell was right, Fortune was at the end and I feel better which you'll all agree with that no doubt - he's psychotic but he feels better so it's ok.

Anyway I guess after these meds are gone it's better I'm subconscious again due to psychosis, which I do have I know but it's unfair for it to effect you all. I'll be watching and listening which you know so know I'm there I just can't help other than to advise so try to listen because I do make some sense. Batcho.

-- Tue Jun 09, 2020 9:15 am --

Oh I'm calling myself the ghost from now on because I wanna find the ghost. This is meaningless to you but I'm telling you. Keep misusing someone's name and they will eventually turn up. "the ghost"
Monte Carlo or Bust
Rose and Patrick
Batcho and Fortune (twins), Paul and Lilly,
No-one and Peter, Beth and Karen, Mandy and Mouse plus a seperate system of fragments including: rabit and others.
User avatar
Sarandipity
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Re: Trouble or Batcho

Postby Sarandipity » Sat Jun 13, 2020 6:44 am

OK. I read some of that last post and forgot what I was wanting to say now...

...

Batcho has body dysphoria issues. He doesn't feel the life is his and he feels like a man, doesn't relate to the body, hates being in it. Thinks its a punishment for past life stuff. Says he doesn't care but feel he does. I think this is the route of his psychosis whenever in the body.

I think I found a safe outlet. When he walked round the block yesterday he had his delusions. So I was thinking walks alone everyday so he can be in the body delusional or a bit psychotic and not be a risk. He's not a car walker in front of unless he's running from an actual person so he's safe and while he hasn't got full control like when we're triggered someone can keep an eye on him anyway. This way he's in the body and at some point maybe we can talk to him about his feelings on the body and the life not being his.

Karen is talking to him. He said he's totally with the book writing but never anything else. Considering a lot of the book comes from delusions he's had I'm not surprised. They are based around not come from. Also our main character is a female so perhaps the books are therapeutic. Thinking about it the main character is like him, cunning and smart and a rebel and has her own veiw on things. Ok maybe the book is therapeutic to him feeling of this life.
Monte Carlo or Bust
Rose and Patrick
Batcho and Fortune (twins), Paul and Lilly,
No-one and Peter, Beth and Karen, Mandy and Mouse plus a seperate system of fragments including: rabit and others.
User avatar
Sarandipity
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Consumer 6
 
Posts: 2131
Joined: Thu Jun 14, 2018 8:25 pm
Local time: Sat Jul 11, 2020 2:57 am
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Re: Trouble or Batcho

Postby ArbreMonde » Sat Jun 13, 2020 10:05 am

I'm not sure anything I could say could comfort you but... Tons of moral support. Sending lots of love your way. Stay strong. I hope this whole things gets sorted out soon.

--Zami--
Multiple system Dx autistic, depression, c-PTSD...

They/them: --Zami--
He/him: -X- or -David- | oOo van H. oOo | //Ulysses// | °Isaïa° | ((Wolf)) | {Envy} | #Uriel# | {Wrath} | .....
She/her: ~Theia~ | oOo Mrs. H. oOo | *Reyna* | ♥Lust♥ | .....

Journey thread
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