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Father in denial?

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Father in denial?

Postby Zor » Sat May 23, 2020 2:26 pm

So the other day I (Zor) did a thing online I've been doing for about 2 years, more or less a co-host of a religious discussion series. My father watched it... and at the end the host who runs the show noted I'd be absent a few months, and I told the audience that I'll be back after I get some personal things taken care of that's taking a lot of time, but everything is ok.

10 Mins later my father calls... asking what's going on, if I'm ok, etc. So I tell him "Yeah, it's good. Just need some time to deal with some dissociative struggles and issues." He was clueless. Acted like he had NO IDEA what was going on. I've told my mother, we've talked several times about it, she's talked (once) to Pixie, and even sent Pixie & the girls a box of cute & pretty ankle socks. My parents KNOW. In fact, I asked some rather... pointed... questions early on to confirm some things from nightmares, others (in system) comments about fears and memories, and Mom confirmed them... Later she backtracked off part of what she'd confirmed b/c "Your father and I talked and he says that could not have happened, we would have never let you be hurt that way." And gave a nonsense "we were always right there" excuse.

So I KNOW he knows... Yet on the phone, he acted like he had NO IDEA what I was talking about. He just sort of changed the subject when I tried to explain by saying the dissociative stuff is why I am seeing the doc every few weeks, or weekly when needed.

It was really... awkward.
(Body - Male, 39)
Zor - primary host & main poster
The rest of us: {\Pixie/}, Kaitie-Lynn (aka "Kitten"), Kaleb, Angel, Katya, Satin, Charles, Chloe, Noah, and a few rarely seen
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Re: Father in denial?

Postby Dwelt » Sat May 23, 2020 2:59 pm

I know the feeling way too well...

My mom can forget that my father was violent, or that he had been abused by his own father. She even said once that my grandfather was a good guy, even if we know for sure he wasn't, not at all.

She also forgets everything I can tell her about DID and my system, even when she's the one who wants to know. She ends up asking the same questions over and over again.

For her, it's a mix between denial and dissociation. She has her own triggers, and she dissociates easily. I don't think she has DID, but I'm sure she's not that far from it.

It's kind of surreal the first time something like this happens, and I was totally confused. I knew it was something we already talked about, sometimes it about things we spend HOURS talking about and she was the own asking questions, so how is it possible to forget about that ?

Now I see it as "normal". I know that no matter what I will tell her, if it's involve my father, DID or my feelings, she will not remember it or will avoid it because it's a trigger for her.
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The ones in charge : Plume (Plume+Alix+Lea) | Daemon
The main group : Claude, protector | Kal, protector | Erdian, social-manager

"Little" group : Nicolas | Linda | Nathan | Ethan

The last two : Cassandra | Varegh, protector
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Re: Father in denial?

Postby unitywithin » Sat May 23, 2020 10:14 pm

it seems like that was a major control pattern with my family of origin, it's easier to deny the past than to face what could have been.

I know now that it was a family effort to keep me controllable and used without the knowledge of events.

I am now separated from my birth family but still having trouble with my son in getting him to understand the truth of who I am. which sucks because I'm 51 in June and he is 26 this month. no matter how hard I tried I could not get him to understand my past and how it affected me.

so here I am living with my child who is in denial but wants to control my every move.
My T told me that when I'm ready to heal just for me that I will be able to walk forward even without being validated by those around me.

good luck Its a b....! not being on the same page with those that we want in our lives yet are unable to cope with the path we choiced.
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