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Alters and Pain very brief Trigger Warning

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Alters and Pain very brief Trigger Warning

Postby complicated87 » Tue May 19, 2020 5:30 am

So new at all of this 'communication' as I finally have WORDS to describe my life with DID.

I would like some input on pain alters and if anyone has had success ridding the physical pain symptoms from body memories etc. I'll try to keep any triggering words out if this but I can explain further why I have certain pain responses from traumas if it helps.

I have alters I know are co-con when I get certain pains. One was obvious because it is an arthritic ache due to severe childhood trauma. Once I learned DID wasn't demons lol I started noticing more and trying to connect instead of ignoring everyone.

I feel like I'm on one big rescue mission trying to bring all of my parts back to myself so I can show them love.

Certain things trigger this pain and I'm really trying to learn what it is and let the arthritic alter know they don't have to hurt? Idk if that's right or not I just think it's shame they carried that they turned the hate inward and thus the negative autoimmune response. It's so much anger and frustration and shame and a tiny child trying to carry it all. Sometimes the best I can do is tell them to go to sleep just so I can get the pain to stop but I know that could hurt them too always being told to go to sleep.

But the new disturbing sensation I've become aware of is this....

When I find a moment of sudden, TRUE pleasure or joy and I am smiling or laughing- this weird vice-like-grip tightens across the back of my skull.

Some examples: laughing with people I love and I've lost my guard for a moment and am truly laughing or smiling and not overanalyzing or protecting

All alone in the backyard tonight my dog started running like a maniac and trying to make me laugh and I couldn't stop laughing and playing with him. It was such a pure moment and then the tightening started across the back of my head. This time I was like "oh! There YOU are" instead of freaking out. It always freaks me out like I'm about to have a medical emergency....but tonight I realized it's somebody.

Maybe it's just an anxiety warning that happiness = vulnerable? If I showed my true affection for anyone or anything (even pets) - those things would be destroyed.

I'm not sure if this cocon is verbal. Feels more like a system or telepathic. Not sure how to reach or how to calm them. It almost feels like they're warning me they'll hurt us if I get too happy. They didn't like being acknowledged tonight.

***One small Trigger Warning - Cult language and Roles

I was a 'living sacrafice' - not supposed to be happy but here to serve someone else and give them all of my 'energy' - so I can see where it could be a cult-loyal alter threatening me that I'm existing too much - or it could be a scared later warning me that when we have been happy and had affections for anyone or thing that [they] come to destroy it.

End Trigger Warning***

So I don't want to mess this up or make it worse but I WOULD like to be able to release the pain. It's just bizarre to me that some parts carry such chronic pain while others can go through child birth and not feel anything .....

Thanks in advance!

Hope I'm getting the Trigger warning thing down because it's hard to know people didn't grow up like me! I was made to believe everyone did.
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Re: Alters and Pain very brief Trigger Warning

Postby sleepingwolf » Tue May 19, 2020 8:21 pm

Thanks for sharing, it sounds like you have a real understanding of what is going on and all the sensations and stuff, awesome!

Our input would be a few things I guess:

For Us, trying as many different ideas, angles, approaches as possible is really the way to go. We kind of realised that in seeking one 'solution' was kind of not really loving ourselves, and 'wanting pain to stop' could also sometimes be like 'shut up!'... so its a tough one. I guess you are wanting to help, and in helping you just try loads of different approaches. That love will shine through, to the alters, to the Mind, the Body and Soul, and that will do the most healing...we think!

Secondly, as well as looking at complex reasons, we've found keeping things simple works too. We're really new to this, but doing something simple like 'giving it a rub or a short massage' or 'putting on some cream/ointment', does quite a lot. I guess, its an approach of not making it a big deal, and being calm and casual... this works for some things. Like, we didn't massage our hands for like 30+ years... so we've missed many opportunities. So sometimes, all our hands need is a little massage!

Hope this can be of some help!

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Re: Alters and Pain very brief Trigger Warning

Postby complicated87 » Wed May 20, 2020 2:26 am

Ah thank you!

Giving the pain acknowledgement without being dramatic is a great suggestion....and I've been dramatic as host because I've got all these random triggers that bring sudden pain so I've been a hypochondriac.

I guess just like earning anyone's trust you must show kindness and patience especially with traumatized people....and not expect things to always go MY way.

There are a lot of parts that have recently allowed a new merge with the host who they accept as a safe-mother.....so giving a rub or ointment may do wonders just receiving that kind of care for the first time.

Thanks so much for the input!
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