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Lots of difficulties to communicate with my system (trigger)

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Lots of difficulties to communicate with my system (trigger)

Postby MenOfTheFutur » Sat May 16, 2020 2:39 pm

I feel lots of pain probably because some of my alters are suffering. Alters make me suffer intentionally and not deliberately : lots of stress/anxiety, obsessive ideas, muscular pain, paralysis, social sabotage, suffocation, horrible mental imagery, threat, bad joke, etc.

Maybe "visual" hallucinations, too...

To try to solve this, I have to understand what are the problems... But I have a big issue. The communication is very hard with them.

When I try to "listen" the voices inside my head, I don't know if they are my own inner voice or not...
When I don't try to talk with them and I just "listen" inside my head, it's often lots of insults. Or lots of sadistic laughs, too (often when I think I have solved my identitiy disorder).

When I try to talk with them, inside my head, I don't know if it's my imagination or not... I can listen this kind of things :
"I am afraid" "I don't like you" "You are a f*ago*t" "I want to left this body" "I am scared of you" "The key is inside your head" "I don't like your father" "I don't believe you".

Sometimes, It seems than some alter talks among themselves (inside my head). Some alters who asks to one or more alters to shut the f**** up.

If I have got more than an alter, I don't know who talks. I have to talk questions if I want more details. It seems they don't like talk to me or give details.

Because it's hard to communicate inside my head, I can say : take the control of my body and talk to me. They control the movement of my head (it's painful) and try to articulate. It's very laborious. The words are not well pronounced and one word get out of my mouth with a frequency of once word every 10 seconds.

When they try to talk, it seems their sentence appears inside my head (visually).
"I can't take it any more" "Men of futur believe you" (?!) "f*ago*t" "the wolf don't want to get out"

Too, I have said to them "If the answer is Yes, you move my right hand. If the answer is not, move the left hand, etc.". So, I have asked them some questions and they have moved my hands. But, the answers seem not to be consistent or/and logical. Lies, communication sabotage, misunderstanding, change of mind ?

I have try to talk with "men of futur" (who is maybe the wolf). The rule was : If the word i spell is "good", say "yes" with the head. So, I have discovered complex sentences (in french. I'm a french guy) which seems like a big joke... I would have a mission for save the humanity with the help of men of futur...

They never type on the keyboard to communicate with me. It seems some of my alters are like very young childs.

It seems than one of my alter doesn't see the difference between my imagination and the reality. I have try to communicate with him and it seems less afraid than before when I imagine people turns around me or get inside me. Just after this, I have felt lots of pleasure.

Often, when I say "take the control of my body" there is cry and terror/anger facial expression. It lasts couple of seconds, then they give me back the control of my body.

Have you an idea to improve the communication ?
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Re: Lots of difficulties to communicate with my system (trigger)

Postby Dwelt » Sat May 16, 2020 8:00 pm

Hi !

I ended up being in charge of the communication inside, as I'm the only one with the ability to reach anyone I've met at least once, not matter if they are trying to block me or not (not always easy, but I usually find a way if it's really important).
I have this ability, but I had to learn how to recognize others and tell who is who first. It didn't happen over night, it took me weeks, months in some case because some of our alters are quite similar or know how to mimic others.

What I mean is : take your time. It's normal to not be able to communicate properly at first. It can take a while, it can scare them too, because nothing good ever happened to them when they were in control of the body, or when they tried to express what they wanted, needed, their emotions, etc.
Also, maybe you are asking for things some of them just can't do, or maybe there's more than one who answer, or maybe they don't know how to give a coherent answer with the rules you use.
Some alters can even be scared of word, or unable to use them.

For us, the thing that worked better than trying to have an external answer (body movements, using journal or computer, etc. they never did that and most of them still don't, as the outside still doesn't feel safe for them) was to pay attention to the inside and to emotions. I ask something simple, like "does this is okay for everyone ?" then wait to feel a "yes/no/okay/not okay" answer. At the beginning, it the "no/not okay" answers were very fast as the ones who gave them weren't sure if it was okay to not agree with the rest of us, and I had to learn to be patient and reassure them in order to have more detailed answer.

Just like you, I've tried a dozen of things and get very mixed results, but communication ended up for me to be able to let things, feelings and images happen without worrying if it was me, another alter or my imagination ; without trying to control them or how the others express themselves. Sometimes, it is my imagination, but if I think of an answer that doesn't suit the others, they will correct me and ask me to stop thinking for them :lol: (it became a joke among us, through the years, as I'm pretty good at asking questions and making answers without waiting for them because of anxiety).
And after a while, I started to be able to recognize who was answering, but it didn't come like this. And even now, I sometime end up with a bunch of different answers and no idea who gave them because they were too fast. It doesn't matter, what matter is to take every opinion into consideration.

And I wanted to go back on this :
I would have a mission for save the humanity with the help of men of futur...
[...] It seems some of my alters are like very young childs.

Maybe it's not the humanity you have to save, but the children in your system... ;)
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The ones in charge : Plume (Plume+Alix+Lea) | Daemon
The main group : Claude, protector | Kal, protector | Erdian, social-manager

"Little" group : Nicolas | Linda | Nathan | Ethan

The last two : Cassandra | Varegh, protector
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Re: Lots of difficulties to communicate with my system (trigger)

Postby MenOfTheFutur » Sun May 17, 2020 1:34 am

Thx you very much for your answer. Do you speak french ?

they will correct me

Inside your head ? The characteristics of alter voices inside your mind are different or not ?

Are you able to change their behavior or opinion ?
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Re: Lots of difficulties to communicate with my system (trigger)

Postby MenOfTheFutur » Sun May 17, 2020 3:45 am

Your alters can lie ?
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Re: Lots of difficulties to communicate with my system (trigger)

Postby Johnny-Jack » Sun May 17, 2020 4:25 am

Yeah, alters, like anyone, can lie. A couple of us learned how to lie as a protective mechanism in childhood and we're thankful they did.

The vast majority of alters in our system have never lied, as far as we know, when communicating to each other, although some of us have certainly wanted to believe they did, given the horrible memories they were communicating.
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Re: Lots of difficulties to communicate with my system (trigger)

Postby Dwelt » Sun May 17, 2020 8:17 am

MenOfTheFutur wrote:Thx you very much for your answer. Do you speak french ?

Yes, we're french too ;)

Inside your head ? The characteristics of alter voices inside your mind are different or not ?

Yes, inside my head, and it depends on the alters. The older boys have a different voice from me, but some Littles can sound like me when triggered, and Linda has the exact same voice as me, except she's almost 20 years younger. She was one of the last we identified because of that.
Two of our boys (Kal and Erdian) almost have the same voice, as they are twins and have a strong influence on each other.
It's kind of like a bunch of siblings, we all have a thing similar in our inner voice that could have us being confused for each other on the phone, but we still have enough differences to be set apart.

Are you able to change their behavior or opinion ?

Nope. I can imagine them saying something different right after they have said a thing I don't like, but it will be like... thinking about a talk you had with a friend and imagining they have said something different. There's no one behind the "new answer"... except the alter who will insist until I listen.
About behaviors, I can block them to not let them act outside, I can negotiate with them, but I will not be able to change the way they want to behave.

Your alters can lie ?

Yes, and it happened a lot with some of them (not all, most of them have always been honest), often because of fear and not trusting each other. But it was more lying by omission rather than "active lies".
Some alters told things that turned out to be false, but they were convinced it was the truth back then.
French system

The ones in charge : Plume (Plume+Alix+Lea) | Daemon
The main group : Claude, protector | Kal, protector | Erdian, social-manager

"Little" group : Nicolas | Linda | Nathan | Ethan

The last two : Cassandra | Varegh, protector
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Re: Lots of difficulties to communicate with my system (trigger)

Postby ArbreMonde » Sun May 17, 2020 10:11 am

It's okay if it takes time. Remember that they are hurt, at pain. They need care and support. They also need help on how to deal with anger, and rules about it. Such as, "it is okay to be angry but, it is forbidden to hurt another person because of that".

There are ways of dealing with anger such as for example: crying, punching a pillow, drawing, painting, running, mindfullness meditation... To each their own!

It is the same with anxiety, and every painful feeling.

--Zami--


~Since I'm in charge of the Innerworld, I'm making sure everybody inside finds their own way of dealing with stuff! So we have health care places inside! They look a lot like vacation places. It's never fun to take care of your health in a plain, white, scary hospital!

/)°n°(\

~It's better to have a nice cozy room with plants, nice places to take a walk, yummy food, lots of activities to do if you want to have fun or relax or just try new things!

~We do that on the outside too! Taking walks, painting, drawing, writing, sports, praying...

~I know it's difficult to organize a bunch of different people. It's a full-time job, believe me!

(°o°)

~But once it starts getting better, it gets better and better and better!

(^w^)

~We're a team! And we take care of each-other because we're all in it together!

~Good luck! It's not easy at the beginning but with time and patience it gets better! Give yourself/ves time!

~Lots of love and moral support and care a little hearts!

~Theia~
Multiple system Dx autistic, depression, c-PTSD...

They/them: --Zami--
He/him: -X- or -David- | oOo van H. oOo | //Ulysses// | °Isaïa° | ((Wolf)) | {Envy} | #Uriel# | {Wrath} | .....
She/her: ~Theia~ | oOo Mrs. H. oOo | *Reyna* | ♥Lust♥ | .....

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Re: Lots of difficulties to communicate with my system (trigger)

Postby MenOfTheFutur » Sun May 17, 2020 1:55 pm

Thank you to everyone for you answer !

Since I'm in charge of the Innerworld,

You have been elected for play this role ?
How does it work inside the inner world ? You "visualizes" alters and their environment ? Do you build house, garden ?

If one alter or more are hangry or stressed, this can rub off on the host feeling (me) ?
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Re: Lots of difficulties to communicate with my system (trigger)

Postby ArbreMonde » Sun May 17, 2020 4:48 pm

Answering for Theia.

Theia is in charge of the Innerworld since she is kind of the "core" of the system. Our Innerworld is in the shape of a huge tree, and Theia is the tree's dryad. As to how she does it, my guess is that she works on a sub-conscious level and through vizualisation, which translates into "magic" regarding the inside rules of the Innerworld.

Regarding the emotions, if others within the system feel strong emotions, it can be felt by/affect others too.

When another than me (host) is in consciousness, the me-consciousness feels their feelings. Which means that the first person point of view memories, are about feeling said feelings. Not everyone can access said memories though. Theia, as the core, can have access to them. I, as a host, have access to most of them but I can only "keep" the ones that are important from an autobiographic point of view. When someone wants to have "private" memories, they can block said memories from all of us except Theia.

In that regard, Theia also works as a loose security system. She decides who can have access to what memory and in what circomstances. She also decides who can have access to consciousness (she makes sure that only people who are aware of being part of a system, can access consciousness). She also helps people communicate with each-other within the Innerworld, bringing together the ones who could benefit from talking with each-other. She also creates separations between people who might argue in a way that would hurt the system.

From her point of view, it is a bit like putting a closed door between two cats who try to fight each time they meet, and checking from time to time if allowing them to smell each-other under the door helps them becoming friends, or makes them angrier. Then, taking the next step depending on the result: putting a stronger separation between them, or a looser one.

I hope I answered your question.

--Zami--
Multiple system Dx autistic, depression, c-PTSD...

They/them: --Zami--
He/him: -X- or -David- | oOo van H. oOo | //Ulysses// | °Isaïa° | ((Wolf)) | {Envy} | #Uriel# | {Wrath} | .....
She/her: ~Theia~ | oOo Mrs. H. oOo | *Reyna* | ♥Lust♥ | .....

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Re: Lots of difficulties to communicate with my system (trigger)

Postby MenOfTheFutur » Sun May 17, 2020 6:25 pm

But only Theia can do this ? If you decide to do the same thing, could you access to all this "command" and "data" ?
Theia is "born" with this power ?

What do you mean by "core" ?

I suffer from muscular paralysis. The cause of this issue is my system.

If I say for exemple: "If I look to the right and I say cat, so, paralyze me the right leg for 3 seconds".
And then, if I look to the right and say cat, my right leg will be paralyzed for 3 seconds.

Who does this in my system ?

I have noticed than alter can only control my body if my jaw or my bust are located at some emplacement. So, when alter want to control my body, if I stop the movement of my body or/and my jaw, I keep the control of my body.

Is it a rull of the core ?

My rules toward the system don't stand very long time. After an amount of time, It returns to the "normal". Why ?

To test my system, I have insulted my alters very roughly and after this, I was completely paralyzed and I was not able to breath. And I was on my scooter at 50 KM/H... It has became very dangerous then suddenly, I have been able to breath and move my body again. Who has managed this ?
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