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Opinions and being silenced

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Re: Opinions and being silenced

Postby birdsong87 » Fri May 15, 2020 5:31 am

let me take this back to our orignial post for a moment...
we recorded the second part of the podcast project. it went a lot better, including the conversation we had after recording.
right now we are reality checking everything to see if maybe some of what we felt in personal contact was transference based.
there are some disagreements with them on a deep level. core value stuff and how to see the world.
but this collaboration seems to work and not be deeply affected by it.
we kept it open to see if we want to come back for another episode. we would have to learn how to stand up for ourselves without this feeling of being crushed by someone elses opinion. I know we can be assertive. this is just a special situation that can get close to feeling like gaslighting.
it is still hard to figure out if a collabration that is limited to certain topics might be a cool thing to do.
we won't become close friends, our core values are too different for that.
we try to figure out a model that could help us with work relationships in this.
Dx: DID cPTSD
L (host 1); Asti (host 2); Annett (teen protector); Maya (child); Age (observer); Thamara (child); Danielle (aut. teen); Mike (caregiver) and others
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Re: Opinions and being silenced

Postby Borut » Sat May 16, 2020 8:11 am

complicated87 wrote:Borut yes I've done lots of meeting of new people.

Unfortunately I would be charming and who they wanted me to be and then disappear when it became too much to bear.

I am working on this and find it difficult to show up and not hide.


I had a lot of safety behaviors like this, sometimes not showing up or other times being completely defensive there. Currently due to social distancing it is hard to go to events where one could meet new people. I am reflecting a lot on situations that made me able to express myself and what were factors that worked against me being able to express myself.
Should you even try and be productive the whole day?
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Re: Opinions and being silenced

Postby complicated87 » Tue May 19, 2020 5:01 am

Borut wrote:
I had a lot of safety behaviors like this, sometimes not showing up or other times being completely defensive there. Currently due to social distancing it is hard to go to events where one could meet new people. I am reflecting a lot on situations that made me able to express myself and what were factors that worked against me being able to express myself.



Great idea to use the time to reflect. I'm currently working on analyzing as well and actually going much gentler on myself as far as beating myself up for not craving more social interaction. Sometimes cruising my neighborhood and talking with all of my neighbors is enough for me.

-- Mon May 18, 2020 11:08 pm --

birdsong87 wrote:
we won't become close friends, our core values are too different for that.
we try to figure out a model that could help us with work relationships in this.


For me if I know for certain a close friendship isn't on the table I can sort of build a boundary wall and allow myself to maintain my calm and sort of remind myself of this fact when disagreements arise. For my survival (perhaps yours too?) I had to always agree with my owners. So a survival trip happens when I disagree with someone I NEED. But someone you won't be close friends with shouldn't affect your life too terribly if you have big areas you disagree. If that person is healthy they likely don't think too much of your differing opinions.

I was just praying about this tonight....wondering why when someone holds a different opinion I consider them almost an enemy and a threat. Realizing this: just because someone isnt FOR ME doesn't necessarily mean they are AGAINST ME. They're usually just pro-themselves where I tend to see the world in an "us and we" fashion other sometimes only see "them and me" and they can still be lovely people they'll just never see life from my perspective.
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Re: Opinions and being silenced

Postby Borut » Fri May 22, 2020 8:01 pm

complicated87 wrote:
Borut wrote:
I had a lot of safety behaviors like this, sometimes not showing up or other times being completely defensive there. Currently due to social distancing it is hard to go to events where one could meet new people. I am reflecting a lot on situations that made me able to express myself and what were factors that worked against me being able to express myself.



Great idea to use the time to reflect. I'm currently working on analyzing as well and actually going much gentler on myself as far as beating myself up for not craving more social interaction. Sometimes cruising my neighborhood and talking with all of my neighbors is enough for me.



Being hard on yourself only enhances your safety behaviors in the future. You should only compare yourself to the person you were yesterday.
Should you even try and be productive the whole day?
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Re: Opinions and being silenced

Postby Borut » Tue May 26, 2020 12:07 pm

One thing I remember as well was I especially was afraid of expressing that something is dear to me. I did not even tell anybody what football team I support.
Should you even try and be productive the whole day?
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