TW: How to deal with persecutors/a persecutor as a host??

by **LucyTate** » Wed Mar 25, 2020 10:58 pm

Hi all, Evan here. TW for violence/SI/SH mention

So recently I discovered a part, claiming to be new, I'm not sure, who wishes to really harm the body. As in like, end the life of the body. How should we deal with this? I'm very unsure of how to go about this. Although it doesn't happen often, I'm worried they'll come out some day and do something.

Also, is it possible to have a persecutor as a host? I'm unsure whether or not I'm a persecutor, even though I'm host. I have bad coping skills, involving self-harming behaviors, and I really can't tell if it's me or other parts influencing. I know sometimes it's another part, but I'm unsure the rest of the time. Any way to figure out more easily who's at the front/co-conscious/influencing/blending?

Thanks guys, I know I ask a lot of questions, and thank you to everyone for being really helpful and understanding <3

we don't use the word persecutor part. the definition seems a bit weird. wouldn't any part who disagrees end up being a persecutor...
basically, when you see persecutors as protectors who are a bit radical and/or stuck in traumatime, that usually helps to understand what is happening and why they are acting the way they do.
bad coping is not the same as (self)sabotaging, usually the reasons behind the behavior are different.

With a part who wants to hurt the body we would start by explaining that it is their body too and if they kill it they will die too. often these kind of parts don't realize that and think they would be the only one to survive.
generally it is important not to start a power struggle. basically you are all on the same side, there is no war. being quick to agree to criticism can help a lot. praise and respect is where we usually start. like, acknowledging how big and scary someone is and that they are really good at that.
once we built some connection we work on orientation in time and negotiate. maybe they have important things to say, maybe changes need to be made, who knows.
our T starts every conversation with parts like that by asking how they are doing. be kind and caring. it gets to them if it is done truthfully. they probably never had anyone ask them that before and they might be hurting and need support too.
If you think that the body is seriously in danger you need to find help, as in people who can watch you 24/7 to make sure you are safe.

by **LucyTate** » Wed Mar 25, 2020 11:34 pm

birdsong87 wrote:we don't use the word persecutor part. the definition seems a bit weird. wouldn't any part who disagrees end up being a persecutor...
basically, when you see persecutors as protectors who are a bit radical and/or stuck in traumatime, that usually helps to understand what is happening and why they are acting the way they do.
bad coping is not the same as (self)sabotaging, usually the reasons behind the behavior are different.

With a part who wants to hurt the body we would start by explaining that it is their body too and if they kill it they will die too. often these kind of parts don't realize that and think they would be the only one to survive.
generally it is important not to start a power struggle. basically you are all on the same side, there is no war. being quick to agree to criticism can help a lot. praise and respect is where we usually start. like, acknowledging how big and scary someone is and that they are really good at that.
once we built some connection we work on orientation in time and negotiate. maybe they have important things to say, maybe changes need to be made, who knows.
our T starts every conversation with parts like that by asking how they are doing. be kind and caring. it gets to them if it is done truthfully. they probably never had anyone ask them that before and they might be hurting and need support too.
If you think that the body is seriously in danger you need to find help, as in people who can watch you 24/7 to make sure you are safe.

I took this advice. He came around and I let him know that he will go with the body if that happens. He really didn't think that was true. I'll continue talking with him. I do have go to places in case things get worse. Thank you so much, your advice is very very helpful to all of us <3

TW: How to deal with persecutors/a persecutor as a host??

TW: How to deal with persecutors/a persecutor as a host??

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