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I can't take this yes, no, idk anymore

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I can't take this yes, no, idk anymore

Postby Rive » Tue Mar 24, 2020 11:55 pm

It's driving me to the brink of madness.


wish she would just put things more clearly. So I dont have to analyze.

My therapist and I's email convo.

Her: Some feedback from the MID

Dissociative individuals almost always hear the voices of a child.

Thought insertion - strong thoughts seem to come out of nowhere.

Hostile impulses may surge from a dissociated angry part; sexual impulses may surge from a highly sexualized part.

Dissociative identity disorder remains difficult to diagnose.

Me: Are you saying I don't have DID?

Her: No, I am trying to assure you that DID is a difficult dx. Schizophrenia, on the other hand is usually much more definitive - the criteria are very clear.

Wtf?!
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Re: I can't take this yes, no, idk anymore

Postby Johnny-Jack » Wed Mar 25, 2020 10:34 am

I can't take this yes, no, idk anymore

Rive, are you talking about the "yes, no, I don't know" that happens internally, that you perceive as coming from your therapist, or both?

Rive wrote:Dissociative identity disorder remains difficult to diagnose.

Me: Are you saying I don't have DID?

If the convo went more or less just like that, your question is a huge jump away from what she said. She's already said you have DID, right?

Your T says DID is difficult to diagnose. I have no idea if that's her opinion or if it's a general view that tests identify schizophrenia more readily than DID. But you clearly jump to something she didn't say or infer.

Unless you left a lot out, you inserted your own thing into the conversation, like you were ready, as you are often here, to pounce on anything and everything that could reinforce your own obsessive doubts about whether or not you have DID, doubts which you've acknowledged many times and which we've witnessed in your posts.

Suggestion: tell your T what specific things she says that cause you to go into a doubt/denial spiral, if that's what's happening. Tell her about any wording or sentiments that distress you in any way. Hopefully she can then learn to avoid making statements that don't lead you into a doubt spiral.

I've had to learn to tell my T things like "I need you to avoid..." Our teen alter Cal, who's in charge of large parts of our therapy now, is way more blunt, yet without anger: "no, don't say that" or "you didn't hear me right" or even "stop saying..."

Our T has thanked Cal a few times for being clear and helping her understand. Then he has to tell her "stop saying nice things" because heavy compliments are triggering. :roll:

It may not solve anything right away if you conclude that you are reading in things your T isn't saying but I think it's important to make that cognitive distinction. Then afterwords you can counter a doubt spiral with "oh, I'm doing it again."
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Re: I can't take this yes, no, idk anymore

Postby Rive » Wed Mar 25, 2020 12:38 pm

I just get tried of her unclear answers or dodging questions. Last night I sent another email. I said are you saying you think I have DID but aren't sure. I don't have schizophrenia, right? She said you don't meet the definition of schizophrenia. Dodging my other question.
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Re: I can't take this yes, no, idk anymore

Postby Allcoulors » Wed Mar 25, 2020 1:02 pm

Then send another mail asking is she will answer your other question. That you neer her to be clear and direct.
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Re: I can't take this yes, no, idk anymore

Postby Rive » Wed Mar 25, 2020 2:03 pm

I can't bother her again.
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Re: I can't take this yes, no, idk anymore

Postby Rive » Wed Mar 25, 2020 2:29 pm

Emailed her. She said she believes I have DID.
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Re: I can't take this yes, no, idk anymore

Postby Allcoulors » Wed Mar 25, 2020 3:20 pm

Good to hear you asked . You have DID!! If you ever doubt it again read the email you got or this post.
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Re: I can't take this yes, no, idk anymore

Postby Rive » Wed Mar 25, 2020 4:20 pm

I will, thanks
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Re: I can't take this yes, no, idk anymore

Postby Sarandipity » Wed Mar 25, 2020 7:46 pm

It sounds like she wants you to accept and come to the conclusion that you have it rather than being told you have it.

If I person concludes they have something themselves, accepts it, then it's much easier for the person and for the therapist than if a person gets told they have something.

When I was doing counseling and psychotherapy and this lady was looking after her ill mother it was clear to me listening to her that she held resentment. I couldn't say that to her because to admit she resented her mother was to hard. I made the environment ok so she felt ok to admit resentment and when she admitted it and she felt free of it, it's ok to feel resentment - I just created a space where it was ok for her to resent. She admitted she thought I'd be useless to talk to because she was 30 years older than me but was surprised. I gave that up, counseling, because I was worried of it being too triggering - simple emotional stuff is ok but no way I could listen to abuse stuff.

So anyway it sounds to me that the therapist was trying for you to conclude and accept it, not to push it onto you telling you that's what's wrong with you. To me a therapist creates an environment where you make your own self discoveries. I could of been wrong about the woman feeling resentful so I didn't push my guess on her and her realising on her own set her free. You realising "yeah I have DID or alters" or whatever other way you want to come to it is better than hours wasted of her telling you that you have DID and you telling her that you don't.

Can you let go of labels for your sessions so you talk about your experiences without the need for labels? If I was in a therapeutic relationship with you the first thing I'd do is ban labels, talk about experiences, because being hung up on a label seems to be a massive stumbling block for you. What would it be like to take all labels out of your therapy sessions, ban them?
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Re: I can't take this yes, no, idk anymore

Postby Rive » Wed Mar 25, 2020 9:41 pm

This is what she said:

What would have been better to say would be that there can be lots of different behaviors that can be symptomatic of DID whereas there are pretty basic symptoms that define schizophrenia.  You keep comparing yourself to other people or questioning that you don’t have DID because you don’t have some of the of the symptoms.  I believe you have DID!!
I hope that was helpful.  

Then she concluded by saying that comparing ourself to others or judging others just makes for rabbit hole thinking and is not a productive use of our time.
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