by Sarandipity » Sun Mar 22, 2020 12:35 pm
It just occurred to me while writing on another post a possibility with Shane and whoever he's with. A different internal world. It's a theory.
To me the main internal world gets shown as a whole. Karen, Pat and Rose etc live together except the twins and the overlord. But I was writing on another post and I was thinking about Karen.
I visted Karen's internal world in a dream. When I'm consciously shown where Karen lives in the internal world it's along the coast but I saw her world in a dream and she was being chased around it, flying a broomstick, trying to hide with friends. Her house looked the same but the rest of it was not the usual main internal world I've seen consciously.
She lives in a witch internal world. It's only witches. The witches have humans in this world they help or are humans in this world. Karen is our witch, other witches don't come to this system or body. Beth is a hedge witch healer but not a witch like Karen.
So Karen has a whole different internal world but part of that world, her house and a small amount of land around it, is part of my main internal world. The rest of Karen's world is not in the main internal world.
I haven't heard of Shane and he has people with him, at least a child probably a sibling and a mother.
There are parts I know of in my system that love stuff like "the purge" (the twins who's world is like a computer game, they shape it however they like and I know they have a zombie section as well as mountains to snow board in). Lilly loves the idea appocalypse but faced with quarentine is completely rational once she concluded that it's looking a bit like a world problem. There's a part that's called Sarah, the body name, I'm not supposed to mention her but I am, she's never taken another name and lives with an isolated tribe where they are not "allowed silly hats" she has that rule and she lives there because she prefers isolation. She came in the body briefly as we went into crisis in July and was very concerned about her tribe, she left Paul there while she was in the body so I thought she was Lilly but she isn't but she did say Paul is her brother. As we went into complete crisis and "the world blew up" the overlord moved her tribe into a bubble in space with enough food and water, she doesn't care about the world as it is and thinks her tribe would be a better population but they don't speak English, she taught them sign and she doesn't like to speak so it's thumbs up or thumbs down. And everyone just eats and sleeps and doesn't bother any one and just puts their thumbs up. Occasionally down but they fight if it's thumbs down.
So I was thinking it's entirely possible I have an entire post appocalyptic world internally and Shane etc comes from there. Lilly lost control of the body because of trying to get the bf to quarentine to the twins. Pat couldn't fully take back over the body but he did quieten everyone down. At some point Shane came and pretended to be Pat but I so much know how each alter feels now and how they speak that I knew it wasn't Pat. He was pretending to be Pat so as not to upset me.
I keep being shown my old record bag. It was a "black market" record bag. It's in the garage of my old house. I left it there with a BB gun in it after I ran away one night. It's then skipping to when the bag was discovered. I had told my sister I had something that would annoy my parents in a record bag in the garage so she told them and said I must be pregnant and have a pregnancy test hidden in the bag. As they opened it I realised I would be in trouble. At the time I couldn't hear this but now they're showing me or letting me hear the internal dialogue or part of it. "$#%^ the **** (word is blanked out)" No-one is saying it. "Don't worry Shane hid it" the twins are replying. Then I got in trouble because I had a BB gun in a bag and I'd been missing for hours the previous night but it felt like 30mins and I thought I went home after I freaked out because I nearly shot a fox that jumped out of a bush at me. So I just got in trouble except I didn't because the father didn't care. He commented on how heavy it was and gave it back to the person I stole it from. I thought I was only gone for about 30mins.
Now I just keep seeing No-one running. And Shane cutting a square in the ground with a knife. There was people around the fire but they were drunk and high. They were gone by the time Shane came back with the knife, the fire was out but the ground was still hot enough to heat up the knife with so I don't know why he kept showing me him heating it in an actual fire. I know there was people having a fire in the field that night. Shane puts something into the ground, a carrier bag inside another carrier bag I think, and then puts the turf back exactly as it was.
Then I'm in the car with the bf by my old house looking down the alley towards where that field was. I feel tearful. No-one felt tearful. She's thinking what a waste. And then the twins say "don't worry we moved it" but they don't say where and No-one is arguing with them about what they did with her money and they said you're never gonna believe what we did with your money. And now No-one is standing Infront of the garage where I used to work next to a Trident van with her hands on her hips not believing them telling the twins to stop f'in with her. And Shane is laughing at me but now he's gone back to looking out the same window but I'm not even in that room. And he's looking back laughing saying it was 1995 and he's back looking out the window again. I dunno if it was 1995 that night he was cutting up turf etc. But it probably was because that's when I bought that record bag. I loved that bag, it was quite expensive. I was with a load of guys in black market records in London, the guys from the ##### estate or it might have been guys from """" no I went to steal sweets off a stall with the guys from Prngr and I didn't have any money that day that's why we stole sweets and jumped buses. It definitely wasn't when I was with the guys from ---- because one of thrm got stabbed that day but nobody noticed till we got home and his mum told someone because there was about 30 of us that day and there was definitely only a few of us in the shop, like 4. And those guys loved buying records, I just bought a bag. I did go to London alot during the day from 1994 -1995 because I couldn't go to clubs then. By 1996/1997 I was going to London at night clubbing. Anyway I loved that bag and I kinda wish I still had it.
If Shane did bury something in the night and that's the only outside memory - he just said "you don't want any of the others, trust me" then I guess I'll have to accept it, I trust him that I don't want any of the others. If that's his best memory then I agree I don't want any of the others.
I can ask him where he comes from internally I guess seeing as we have a dialogue.
Written by host. Edited by Pat. Shane doesn't have any real doing things outside memory other than trauma so if this is an actual outside memory, which I'm not saying it is it it isn't then it's the best you're gonna get out of Shane. Now he's telling me other stuff and I have to say "that's a bad outside memory Shane" because he doesn't realise it's bad and traumatic and abuse so it's better while Shane is about to just live in the moment, he's ok, he won't hurt self or others but he will tell you stuff you don't want to know. Shane's Mum, also called "Karen" but it's Caryn.
From a personal perspective I feel very angry. My son was abused by the hosts parents. I'm trying to grasp that I'm an alter but it's difficult. The hosts parents abused my son and now we have to help look after her. I don't mind that but I do mind that they just got away with it. But I can't get annoyed because that upsets Shane so I have to stay calm for him and Carly. Carly is my younger child. I have to go. Caryn
It's very difficult this quarentine with the host so aware now of parts and switches in and out. I knew she was going to be the most difficult during this. She'll want to just go out but the rest of us don't. Shane
I'm sorry I'm making it difficult for you. I don't want to make it difficult. When I feel a different alter I want to get to know them and feel connected because to me they are a part of me as much as they also feel like not a part of me and say they aren't, they're seperate, in the body but not of the body.
I'm sorry for what happened to you Shane. I'm crying and he's saying "don't worry about it" It's a really odd disorder this. How do you make connection with "yourself" when "yourself" says "I'm not you" and you can see they are not you but you logically know it's your brain so they must be you.
Now someone just said "Hi I'm Emma" which I did often think I must have an alter called Emma because it was a fake name I gave in a police station. She giggled and said "yeah that was me" she's about ten.
Monte Carlo or Bust
Rose and Patrick
Batcho and Fortune (twins), Paul and Lilly,
No-one and Peter, Beth and Karen, Mandy and Mouse plus a seperate system of fragments including: rabit and others.