Therapy sorta "canceled"

So this week, we just got off the phone with the doc. Cuz of Coronavirus panic, we're not having in-office therapy... a private safe place... instead, it's online over the computer... in our house... which _would be_ ok IF we felt we could speak as freely there without like fear of what we say being overheard or something.
Makes it super hard for me or Angel or others to come out and open up when Zor's wife will be in the next room and with her like so super critical of everything about us.

So like woopie... a week, likely the first of several, where NOTHING will likely get done or accomplished cuz we won't have the privacy we need for the sessions. Great. Just what we DON'T need.

{\Pixie/}

I don't know how big your living space is, but can't you go somewhere that's on the other side of a TV or something else that makes noise (a fan or white noise machine, or maybe there's an app you can download and amplify with a speaker). Then what you say can't be overheard by someone on the other side of the "noise barrier."

I really HOPE my T moves to virtual sessions and doesn't decide that it's an "essential" service and excepted from the rules. Some of us are very scared and worried for his safety. We've already started thinking about which room we would take the laptop to, and how to set up a noise barrier so we would have privacy.

we are discussing how to make video calls safe too. white noise seems to be an option.
we also know that sometimes you can write messages during a video call too, depending on the provider, and that could be useful for not having to say things out loud. when you use headphones nobody would hear an answer to that.
we used this when we were inpatient and the only room that had wireless was a public meeting place. we typed and the other person spoke. it was still valuable to see each other.

We have never used this system or option before, and IDK I prefer it either- similar reasons as Pixie... but there's also that there's something more connecting with direct person-to-person contact (most days for us that's not a bad thing) and that's more "real" in many senses... but this is better than "we can't meet at all", too.

I will have to wait and see if text for some things is an option, too, as part of the system.

-- Fri Mar 20, 2020 1:19 pm --

TheGangsAllHere wrote:I don't know how big your living space is, but can't you go somewhere that's on the other side of a TV or something else that makes noise (a fan or white noise machine, or maybe there's an app you can download and amplify with a speaker). Then what you say can't be overheard by someone on the other side of the "noise barrier."

I really HOPE my T moves to virtual sessions and doesn't decide that it's an "essential" service and excepted from the rules. Some of us are very scared and worried for his safety. We've already started thinking about which room we would take the laptop to, and how to set up a noise barrier so we would have privacy.

The computer capable of this sort of stuff is a very large desktop and would be monumental to move it to a quieter place, particularly for an hour-long single use (even if continued for some time during this "crisis" it's every other week at best). The computer room is RIGHT NEXT TO the living room... so, IDK how much privacy there'll be. I HOPE with the time of the session and the door closed there will be some time when she is not yet awake or up and about, and the door will be enough to muddle stuff to make others feel safe as they need to talk, too.

As for "excepted from the rules"... I do consider mental health "necessary" and wish we had a bit more say in the option to meet in person or not... neither I nor the doc were given a choice. The administration declared we are not "essential" enough to warrant even giving us a choice. The only exception are critical things like suicidal states and such. Kind of irritating to be told "we don't think you have a need" and told we're lesser importance for US to decide ourselves.

BUT, I DO like that they are working to make sure there's SOME method of communication and enabling us to have sessions at all, rather than totally cancelling them... but still.

I would definitely prefer in-person contact, and I'm so glad I got to see my T on Wednesday, but he's in an at-risk category, and I don't want him putting his health at risk to see people in his office.

The statistics right now are terrifying, and it's going to get worse for at least two weeks until we see any results of the stay-at-home policies.

I think "essential" right now needs to be defined as essential for physical survival, especially since there's an option for seeing each other virtually. I don't think they're saying there isn't a need--it's just relatively less important to immediate, urgent, physical needs.

***Trigger warning*** (medical, virus impact)

To put it in perspective, there are people in Italy dying because they're aren't enough ventilators. Some are being told that since they're older than another person who needs a ventilator, they're considered to have less of a need to be kept alive, since they have statistically fewer years left to live.

***End trigger warning***

Compared to that, I can live with being told that my need to see my therapist face-to-face is down the scale from more important needs right now.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:I would definitely prefer in-person contact, and I'm so glad I got to see my T on Wednesday, but he's in an at-risk category, and I don't want him putting his health at risk to see people in his office.

The statistics right now are terrifying, and it's going to get worse for at least two weeks until we see any results of the stay-at-home policies.

I think "essential" right now needs to be defined as essential for physical survival, especially since there's an option for seeing each other virtually. I don't think they're saying there isn't a need--it's just relatively less important to immediate, urgent, physical needs.

***Trigger warning*** (medical, virus impact)

To put it in perspective, there are people in Italy dying because they're aren't enough ventilators. Some are being told that since they're older than another person who needs a ventilator, they're considered to have less of a need to be kept alive, since they have statistically fewer years left to live.

***End trigger warning***

Compared to that, I can live with being told that my need to see my therapist face-to-face is down the scale from more important needs right now.

Side note about Italy, Europe's OLDEST population average and most of those are in the late 70's and 80's. They are high risk on top of this being so dangerous.

This IS a dangerous illness, and that's why I am not mad or upset (even if disappointed) about the things being done to try and slow it's spread- btw, that is what the distancing is for- to SLOW IT, not stop it... and the hope is slowing it enough will mean less will get it in the long run (a good plan).

It IS the right thing to do... but Italy is NOT a good model to compare to the US or even most of Europe. Kind of like comparing the testing in South Korea to the US. They have far less government regulation in place and government planning and control that we have- namely the CDC and FDA doing their own plan rather than using the WHO tests and then getting them worked out, efficient, and then finally approved. That's all time we don't really have- IDK why we don't use the WHO model as others are... but that's government in the way.

But like we've both said- this IS for the general good... It just sucks to hinder other things, too- and worst to give NO ONE a choice. Freedom of will should be considered, too, and people should be able to choose for themselves what risks they want to take to a large degree... without freedom to exercise free will, what are we?!

And the worst rate of fatality current has been Italy at around 10% (TERRIBLY HIGH). More scary, the LOWEST I've seen is about 7% (global average of "closed cases" as of yesterday). The common flu, 0.1% fatality rate. 1/10 of ONE percent. This is alarmingly more dangerous, also spreads a LOT easier and faster. This IS something to be concerned with. We totally agree.

So... like the video thingy wouldn't work... cuz of course it didn't. So it was a phone call, basically... literally. :/ Meh.
Better than nothing, but it got into some kinda serious stuff about like the cuts we've got, nightmares, Angel mostly- how's he's been feeling and struggling... soooooo got hard and stuff... we were in and out all day yesterday after it.

Good thing is Doc did set us up for next week instead of just in two weeks like usual.

How has everyone else's distance therapy stuff gone? Is everyone out there ok?

{\Pixie/}

hello Pixie

sorry stuff didn't work good for you & sorry Angel is struggling

we had our first try at teletherapy today
it didn't work right & we had like 10 minutes of messing around trying to get it working
finaly it worked but it was like T was in a tiny little window, like our computer has a huge tv sized screen but our t was like a postage stamp in the middle :/

I don't like our T anymore. it feels like she doesn't really listen to me. Everything I say she twists around and makes it feel like doesn't believe me or whatever. like its as if my life isn't real its just like, my 'internal experience' and its always about 'why the system feels like it needs to experience that'

this was the 3rd time i talked to her and probably gonna be the last. viola or someone else can deal with her again. i'm done with her & i'm grumpy about it.

i guess thats not really related to the distance stuff, but that kinda sucked too. :/

cindy

Zor wrote:So this week, we just got off the phone with the doc. Cuz of Coronavirus panic, we're not having in-office therapy... a private safe place... instead, it's online over the computer... in our house... which _would be_ ok IF we felt we could speak as freely there without like fear of what we say being overheard or something.
Makes it super hard for me or Angel or others to come out and open up when Zor's wife will be in the next room and with her like so super critical of everything about us.

Just a thought- if there's things you need to inform the T of but can't do so by saying it out loud over the phone because other people might overhear and it doesn't feel safe to, could you email a list of things to your T before the session as the starting point for the conversation that you can maybe talk about them without having to say certain words out loud? Like referring to "number one on the list". It would still feel limiting, but if you can get some of what you need to say out in writing, it might be better than not at all.

I'm put off by the idea of not-in-person sessions too right now. I'm really bad at being able to explain myself over the phone- I'll just shut down. And don't like the idea of other people overhearing either. It's going to be tough, but it might be our only option for a while.

Amythyst wrote:hello Pixie

sorry stuff didn't work good for you & sorry Angel is struggling

we had our first try at teletherapy today
it didn't work right & we had like 10 minutes of messing around trying to get it working
finaly it worked but it was like T was in a tiny little window, like our computer has a huge tv sized screen but our t was like a postage stamp in the middle :/

I don't like our T anymore. it feels like she doesn't really listen to me. Everything I say she twists around and makes it feel like doesn't believe me or whatever. like its as if my life isn't real its just like, my 'internal experience' and its always about 'why the system feels like it needs to experience that'

this was the 3rd time i talked to her and probably gonna be the last. viola or someone else can deal with her again. i'm done with her & i'm grumpy about it.

i guess thats not really related to the distance stuff, but that kinda sucked too. :/

cindy

Our doctor has been better at attempting to understand, accept, and address us in a more co-equal manner, which is refreshing and worthwhile. It has been, however, a difficult process to get to this point. Our doctor does not seem to twist things, nor frame them in a singular sense as he used to- I think he may be finally understanding, in some small part, the paradox of multiplicity within a singular- and it is paradoxical to singletons unfamiliar with how this can possibly function at all. It seems contrary to their thinking, and professionally psychology has tended to present a "whole person" approach (in a singular sense), and this requires stepping away from that framework.

Our therapy via phone was productive at least. Zor touched on some sensitive topics regarding Angel, the cuts we have noticed on the body, and possible reasons for it- causing a great deal of anxiety, hurt, and shame to well up in many of us, Angel primarily. It is a quite difficult time. We have been destabilized all week, far more erratic and common switching. Far more time "out" than we usually experience, often seemingly suddenly and not long after another has become present- rapidly switching multiples times is disorienting and exhausting (mentally AND physically).

Already this morning I have been present for nearly 90 minutes, after Zor woke up for us this morning and began our day. Partly because I wished to write in our journal, express the discomfort of last night and the discussions had with his wife's family... but since that was finished, here I am still. Not too unusual, but awkwardly feeling out of touch with the system when out, not "locked out" but it would be difficult to "force" a switch, too. It is an awkward feeling and has been an awkward week.

Kitten