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Lilly

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Lilly

Postby Sarandipity » Tue Mar 17, 2020 1:21 pm

Hi I'm actually Sarah. I'm called Lilly in the system because any part named by the body name took another name to avoid confusion.

I have always wanted to see an apocalypse. I feel like this is my time to shine lol. I'm looking forward to self isolating. I want to watch people get sick and society fall. I know it probably will be a big disappointment like bird flu and swine flu but I'm thinking I'll stay for the duration because this is probably as close as it's gonna get to it.

Pat left me in charge 1. Because I love this, not paranoid and get stress rashes like the others 2. Because I don't take any $#%^. Paul pretends to himself I'm all sweet but I'm actually more bad ass than him haha 3. I will follow Pat's instructions and watch it all from the sofa because he had swine flu and I get that he doesn't like the idea of anything like that again. 4. Like Pat said, it's like prison, get in routine and stick to it and it flies by, even becomes fun. 5. I'm actually looking forward to it.

So I dunno, I could be here a while. Pat said introduce myself so I am and incase I need to vent here or write anything for any other part to read that they may need to know. And don't worry Pat I will venture out to get your Jack Daniels if necessary and I'll have it by midnight tonight one way or the other.

Routine start up is what I'm doing first.

Stay well people, if this is an apocalypse wouldn't it be cool to see it regardless of the impending doom,

Sarah aka Lilly :)
Monte Carlo or Bust
Rose and Patrick
Batcho and Fortune (twins), Paul and Lilly,
No-one and Peter, Beth and Karen, Mandy and Mouse plus a seperate system of fragments including: rabit and others.
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Re: Lilly

Postby Sarandipity » Tue Mar 17, 2020 10:15 pm

This bf is... I don't have words other than he's a terrified frightened person.

*** Trigger Warning: Violence ***

He shouted at me about Corona and contradicted himself five times. He said he wanted to stab me in the eye with a toothpick. And then turned around and aggressively got close to my face saying to me "get Pat."

** END WARNING **

I told him he's a frightened person and probably someone stole his sweets once and he's never got over it.

I told him Pat's busy at the moment. Pat gets angry when people are dumb like group dumb like this virus has caused. Stress lowers the immune system. So I'm here. I didn't tell him that bit, I just said Pat's busy.

I think he fancies Pat. It's odd, alot of men do. It's not the body or how I look. It's definitely when Pat's there. I think they feel like they can get on with him and plus he's in a woman's body - men like strong women so when they look at the body and Pats personality comes out of it they fancy him. That's what I think. And Pat said yeah write that it's funny.

Last time the twins dragged me in the body to do "Pat's job" it was nonsense car fixing so a sacked that off. Literally nothing was happening that I could work out. They tricked me - inside outside gets confusing - and I thought I was talking to Paul on the phone when the bf was in a police jail because of some nonsense but I said "that's not Paul" and they tried to tell me it was our first bf but I knew it weren't him either. After day 2 of nothing I checked out and insiders came out and then hospital.

This is different. Firstly Pat asked me himself. Stay inside as much as possible, avoid getting ill. Secondly there is a pandemic, it's kinda interesting. Even watching this bf $#%^ himself. I suppose he's "my bf" if I'm gonna get into this for the long haul. Him shitting himself and talking about stabbing me in the eye isn't the best start but I'm gonna put it down to he's a giant pussy who had his sweets stolen once and that he fancies Pat so he's disappointed it's me and not Pat.

He says he doesn't know who I am but I know he reads this stuff here because Pat told me.

If he wasn't a giant pussy he wouldn't try to scare a woman so I won't retract those words. But I give him the benefit of the doubt, he's frightened. Look at the people already fighting over toilet roll - people are frightened.

I'm a bit frightened but mostly I'm kind of excited like when you're about to go over the top on a rollercoaster.

I think it's gonna be more like "it's a small world" than "thunder mountain" but still a ride is a ride. And it's the most interesting external thing that's happened for years.

I was in Mr Bumps taxi talking with him about how all the other Mr Men were picking on him and I was gonna sort it out for him and kick some Mr Men ass so I'm missing that right now for this purely on the fact that this is a pandemic, might be my only chance to witness something kind of major. So I left the internal, interesting world, for this external stuff because it's a pandemic. I checked the numbers, it's pretty serious. So I'm sticking around and Mr Bump will keep.

I dunno how long I'll get to stick around for but I'm here for now so this bf will have to get used to it.

Also I'm sensible. I drank orange, took vitamins, I actually enjoyed the TV. They lost the eccinacea so I'll have to buy more of that. I had nap in the bath, I forgot how nice that is, napping in the bath - cold when you wake up but enjoyable. I'm not a complete thrill seeking joy rider. I like alsorts of stuff.

I'm 15 but I'm sensible and I will do all the right stuff to avoid getting ill and so what I like the idea of a pandemic and the world ending. I'll be least stressed out of everyone. Plus the body isn't like the internal world. Stuff is more effort out here so I won't mind hibernating.

He tried to frighten me out of going out too, the bf, that was mean and lectured me on the virus and then told me it was all nonsense - he doesn't make sense but like I said I think he's frightened. Was talking about how I'd get mugged and beaten. He can't make his mind up if he wants me to live like nothings wrong or panic.

Well I don't really have a choice. I can't live like nothing is wrong because I dunno how the others go about that. And I can't panic because I dunno what that'd look like either so I'm Pigletting it. This is funny:


Where are we going Piglet?" asked Pooh.

"We need to get supplies," said Piglet. "For the Coronavirus"

"Ahh," said Pooh, nodding in understanding. "Things like bread, milk, cough mixture, tissues and cat litter even though we don't have a cat?"

Piglet did a little laugh, and a sort of leap and bit of a cough. "No," said Piglet. "No, those aren't the sort of supplies we need at all! What we need are family sized bags of chocolate buttons, massive toblerone, jelly babies and crunchies and a freezer full of stuffed crust pizzas, and all of the Prosecco that we can possibly carry, so that when we get quarantined we won't mind it even slightly. THOSE are supplies."

All of a sudden, Pooh thought that the idea of coronavirus didn't seem quite so bad, and actually, getting quarantined with Piglet and their supplies really didn't sound such a terrible thing after all. "Oh Piglet," said Pooh. "I really do think you are a very wise animal."

Stay safe guys,

Lilly
Monte Carlo or Bust
Rose and Patrick
Batcho and Fortune (twins), Paul and Lilly,
No-one and Peter, Beth and Karen, Mandy and Mouse plus a seperate system of fragments including: rabit and others.
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Re: Lilly

Postby Sarandipity » Wed Mar 18, 2020 12:15 am

So I got Pat's bourbon. Something in my brain said they would get a delivery at 11pm. So I went there at 11.30. I got the milk we needed. No toilet rolls but there enough here for about 2 days. I got some more chocolate, I probably shouldn't have but I did. We got to the alcohol and they had Pat's drink but not at the right price in the right amount. Pat said "I ain't coming back till it's on the shelf at the right price in the right amount" but I said I'd get him some so I checked all the delivery boxes and there was some there so the nice guy got it for me. I don't know if Pat's still sulking because people are stupid and what he wants isn't actually on the shelves. To be fair it'll be on the shelf at some point but it wasn't when I was there and he did say "till it's on the shelf" Anyway I got it and milk which is apparently difficult to get so I'm counting it as a success.

I wasn't gonna go because I googled the shop and it said it shut at 12. Good job I didn't wait till 12 because I was gonna leave at 12, I googled to see if it would say if there was a delivery or not. When it said they shut at 12 I thought I won't bother but then I thought about how I promised Pat by midnight I'd have the bourbon. So I left the house.

When I got outside into the night and two police sirens sounded as they went past and I could taste the night I remembered I like it. They kept egging me on to get out the house but I thought bollox it's gonna be a waste of time. But they teased me, you might get mugged, the car park is underground so it's scary, it'll help Me Bump. I thought about Mr Bump and the possibility of danger and I went. Pat said "they'll drive you crazy with that Mr Bump $#%^ if you let them, you have to let it go" He's probably right, it's definitely the twins because they'll say anything. Pat said leave it if you like and go tomorrow but I promised him so I went.

Obviously I didn't take anything with me other than a minimal amount of money and my keys because that's less stuff to be stolen. And then once I was out there I wanted to stay out there, drive about, maybe get MacDonalds from somewhere but I had a minimal amount of money and nothing else on me. So I had to come straight home.

I saw a guy with hand sanitizer strapped to his waist and realised I might of caught it from touching stuff but someone said "we always have hand sanitizer in the glove box" so I used it and on my face because I touch my face alot, it didn't even sting my eyes so that was a let down lol - nothing eventful basically happened other than I remembered how I love the smell of the night air especially when it's police sirens and potential threat. I'm odd I guess.

Anyway so far this pandemic is ok. Nothing on the shelves, the car park was busy for that time because apparently it's usually dead and darker but there were quite a few cars. The shop is usually 24 hour but they're shutting at 12 now. There were quite a few cars about for this area too apparently. So the pandemic is ok. Nothing drastic but ticking along I guess. I didn't see fights over stuff though and I didn't look if bread is an issue - it was basically empty though.
Monte Carlo or Bust
Rose and Patrick
Batcho and Fortune (twins), Paul and Lilly,
No-one and Peter, Beth and Karen, Mandy and Mouse plus a seperate system of fragments including: rabit and others.
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Re: Lilly

Postby Sarandipity » Wed Mar 18, 2020 10:43 pm

Thanks for the JD. Bad news Lil, the Japanese have medicine, you might have to find some other excitements in this real world because you really actually do need to get out more. Yes Beth is typing with me. Cheers again, Pat
Monte Carlo or Bust
Rose and Patrick
Batcho and Fortune (twins), Paul and Lilly,
No-one and Peter, Beth and Karen, Mandy and Mouse plus a seperate system of fragments including: rabit and others.
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Re: Lilly

Postby Sarandipity » Thu Mar 19, 2020 12:42 am

I feel like I want to share this about Paul and Lilly. Sort of about me and Rose too. It's my kind of theory on how this structural dissociation thing has worked. Maybe other parts will say something different but I know what I'm saying about Paul and Lilly is correct.

Paul and Lilly have never met the outside parents. I'm not sure when they were "created" but my guess is at about age 14 of the body when a freedom came. There life either didn't exist before then or they were solely internal, the twins would have to answer that for sure but Paul and Lilly have this life internally:

Paul's father died when he was small. That's why he loves the song "my papa was a rolling stone" His mother was an alcoholic and he ended up on the streets.

Lilly's mother left when she was young and she was raised by her father who was violent. She also ended up on the streets.

Me and Rose took them in and raised them from age 14. Lilly is still only 15 mentally. Paul is in his 20's. The internal world is odd like that. Both of them consider us their parents not their internal original parents. They met on the streets and started a relationship, had Mandy. But because of also me and Rose being their parents also simultaneously consider their bond to be a strong as siblings. Paul will refer to Lilly more as his sister because he sees that more as a blood tie and as a stronger bond. They have survival, murderous lives before me and Rose took them in. So to them they have blood bonds. The twins were grown by then and took Mandy. Paul works for the twins, I don't.

I keep thinking "how are me and Rose existing" - oldest parts in age but... I can't word that... My best guess is that the twins created us when very young bodily. I am similar to the outside father in some ways, phrases they like I'll use, the twins love sayings and metaphors so I have alot of those. It's easier for me to think about where they got Rose from. Rose is nothing like the outside mother. Rose is like how you'd want a mother. Bakes and knits and is careful with money. Maybe I'm how they would of liked a father to be - I'm not sure. I think they based me on the outside father but only the phrases, the drinking and the fighting - women and mother's are often portrayed positively and men not so much so I guess that's why I'm how I am. I'm better with money than the outside father, money is most important to the twins although they don't like to have alot of it in real outside life because they view it as a weakness amoungst other negative connotations.

Anyway I was thinking why the hell am I back? Then I saw that Lilly had some kind of minor hallucination, which can happen when you're so used to living internally and your thrown outside. She saw or thought she saw a girl mouth at her "your dad said hi" she mouthed "hi" back and then got confused. She knows I'm internal not an outside person. So it messed her head. She thought hallucinations, she thought I dunno what to do. Somebody then said internally "no, not Pat, the real outside father" which she then got triggered to think she'd done something wrong so the twins were making her hallucinate to call her back inside or that she was more needed inside. And now I'm here, in a pandemic and I'm not very happy.

So why did she see somebody mouth "your dad says hi" is what I'm wondering. I know why I'm back out, they got triggered, everyone else, by Lilly saying "X said Hi" But why did she see that.

Anyway it takes the ######6 piss. She was quite happy out here, playing "it's the end of the world" she wasn't hurting anyone and was being very sensible. Next time she gets a rare chance out here if she sees anything like that I'm gonna tell her to say "###$ off" and even if she's still confused and thinks it's something to do with me I'm gonna tell her "###$ off" is code I want to hear for her to let me know everything is good. Because it seems like I can't avoid her seeing that.

If I could swing for someone over this, and I mean gallows not fist's I would. But I can't because it's all my head isn't it. I'd be thinking what are these #####& doing messing with my daughter's head. Hasn't she been through enough. She was out enjoying herself for once and wouldn't you go beat up Mr Men rather than live in this boring #######5 life if you had a choice because she does have a choice but the poor #####& deserves to live some kind of outside life that's "real"

Anyway. I dunno why she saw that. I suppose I'd have to somehow get to the twins to find out and then who knows if they'll say a sentence that makes any sense but they're the ones who cause hallucinations. I know her drinks didn't get spiked because she hasn't been anywhere so who do I blame???

I suppose that's rant over. I'm gonna try to get Lilly back out because I wanted her to experience a days work - real life work - not fake internal contracts of offing the people who upset Mr Bump. I think she killed Mr Bump instead and she's coming back.

Patrick
Monte Carlo or Bust
Rose and Patrick
Batcho and Fortune (twins), Paul and Lilly,
No-one and Peter, Beth and Karen, Mandy and Mouse plus a seperate system of fragments including: rabit and others.
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Re: Lilly

Postby Sarandipity » Thu Mar 19, 2020 12:53 am

** TRIGGER WARNING -- mention of virtual violence **

Hi, sorry, I just got wind of how Lilly got head ###$. I'm ######6 pissed off too. Like what was the ######6 point of that. I have enough knowledge of the outside father to know he's a @@@@@@@ but Lilly doesn't. Pat is her father. Her inside father is dead because we tortured and killed him. So she also thought she was being haunted and ######6 punished for that - which I know is internal but she's too into the internal world. Even Mr Bump was ######6 real to her FFS and when she found out the twins head ###$ her, which is how she sees it, she shot him in the head. Her nice internal game ruined and now she has to go on the run. Which if you're on the run in the internal world then the safest place is in the body till the $#%^ calms down and I have to go kill anyone who might blame her for shooting Mr Bump in the head. Hang on it's ok, the twins changed the contract and Mr Bump was a liability. Anyway it's still messed up. Leave me ######6 sister alone. Paul.
Monte Carlo or Bust
Rose and Patrick
Batcho and Fortune (twins), Paul and Lilly,
No-one and Peter, Beth and Karen, Mandy and Mouse plus a seperate system of fragments including: rabit and others.
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Re: Lilly

Postby Sarandipity » Thu Mar 19, 2020 12:58 am

** TRIGGER WARNING -- mention of virtual violence **

Guys a saw you upset. But the way I see it I just shot loads of people and got away with it and now I'm back out here enjoying the pandemic so we cool. I dunno why I saw that either. Maybe the twins did want the Mr Bump job finished quicker than was happening or something, I dunno, anyway the kitchen is clean so I guess Rose cleaned it or something.

Lilly
Monte Carlo or Bust
Rose and Patrick
Batcho and Fortune (twins), Paul and Lilly,
No-one and Peter, Beth and Karen, Mandy and Mouse plus a seperate system of fragments including: rabit and others.
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Re: Lilly

Postby Sarandipity » Thu Mar 19, 2020 10:17 pm

Sarandipity wrote:Thanks for the JD. Bad news Lil, the Japanese have medicine, you might have to find some other excitements in this real world because you really actually do need to get out more. Yes Beth is typing with me. Cheers again, Pat



Cheers Pat. I heard.

I started off with No-one this morning because she usually goes to work? But she isn't too good in a pandemic also her shaking is really annoying somebody needs to get her some weed.

Then as I drove to work Paul woke up. He said I can't drive the car like I'm playing Grand Theft Auto - I do know, I was driving nice anyway.

I got really bored after 45mins at work and Paul said just pretend you're just hanging out here for a bit chatting till you have to go somewhere else. That sort of worked but I'm not sure I did any work. They were cleaning and some other stuff. There's some kind of competition and if our shop sells the most we win. So I told someone they better buy this competition thing because the virus and they might not get another chance. They bought it. But Paul said that's taking it too far and I shouldn't scare people into buying stuff. So I didn't bother with that again. Paul was in and out so that was ok.

Then we saw this woman. Rose and Pat know her. They hadn't seen her for ages and she was in a wheelchair. I could feel they wanted to go speak to her so I just left the place, chased after her lol, caught up to her. Rose started crying because she was in a wheelchair, apparently she wasn't before. Then the woman said "man up, don't cry" which kicked Pat in. Seemed like Pat don't really like her to me. Because he made excuses and went back to work. Him and Rose argued about it and she made him call her on our break. So that was all odd. Why she wants Pat calling her if he don't like her I dunno. To me Roses tone with her is completely different to Pats. Rose sounds so genuine, genuinely cried in upset at her struggle. Pat said the same things but to me I could here in his tone it weren't genuine. It's like he's disappointed in her but I don't know why. I keep asking him but he doesn't say.

I was bored but happy personally till seeing the woman. Rose was soo sad she completely killed my buzz but I get it, the woman had hard times and Rose likes her. I wish I knew what Pats problem is. He said she's a back stabber. It's like he knows something that others don't know about her but he isn't saying. Apparently he did really like her until a certain point, long before they lost touch with her but I still don't know the reason.

Anyway I helped add stuff up and came home. I'm self isolating, not going back. I don't see the point and also government advice says I ought to stay home. The bf is refusing to stay home. I told him if he doesn't quarentine then he can't come in the house. I'm being strict, I was told to "enjoy this but take it seriously" I can't enjoy it if I'm sick anyway so obviously I'm taking it seriously.

I don't know what the bf will decide. I know he's overall wanted here, they care about him so I don't want him to get the virus and die either so I'm pushing him to do the right thing but at the end of the day if he isn't following government advice then I have to put me and the children first.

Lilly
Monte Carlo or Bust
Rose and Patrick
Batcho and Fortune (twins), Paul and Lilly,
No-one and Peter, Beth and Karen, Mandy and Mouse plus a seperate system of fragments including: rabit and others.
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Re: Lilly

Postby Sarandipity » Fri Mar 20, 2020 8:57 am

First real conversation with this ex bf last night. My conclusion is he doesn't like let alone love any one of the alters. The host as usual had the opinion of "I'm not getting involved. A person has to make their own choices" but the others all wanted him to stay so she must have or they wouldn't have tried so hard.

My view of him is that he doesn't like or care about them, or "the whole person" This isn't because he left. It's because their view or the view they expressed of me about him is completely different to my experience. They have him on an odd screwed pedastal. They think he's like our first ex bf but he isn't at all.

He dislikes them so much that his main concern was a TV and that they shouldn't be able to use it. That's how little he thinks of them. He smashed it and left.

Then they all basically told him they cared about him and wanted him to quarentine with us. I called him to say "so you made your choice then" when he wasn't here today and he tried to emotionally blackmail me so he could get his own way. Knowing they do care.

They are all really hurt. Really hurt. I'm trying to explain he isn't like our first bf. They needs to take the scewed glasses off they view him by. The first bf we had was survival motivated due to his own past trauma. This bf isn't. The first bf would of sold that TV even if it belonged to us and not him because he would of seen it in a different way. Not in a possession way. I don't know what that guy is like now but I know what he was like then. He wasn't stupid. The first bf had emotions. This guy doesn't. He sees a manipulation angle and his only go to is emotional blackmail. He has no range. This bf doesn't have a survival drive. He is full of pride and his interest is in pulling people down. The first bf liked to push us up not down. For his own means because he has severe PTSD and a self survival drive but still he wasn't a downer. He was completely selfish but I understood that, it was a pure selfishness. This bf isn't pure selfishness and pure selfishness is a whole different thing to muddied pride ridden selfishness. This bf will die before he swallows his pride and will only see care as a chance to manipulate and push a person down. It's not a survival drive, it's a destruction of others drive. The first bf would directly cause the destruction of others but for his own selfish ends not just because that's what he does. He didn't mean it in other words. This ex bf means it.

They are all still sad but my explaining like this is helping. When typing or writing more parts get to see it. Someone is reading it as I'm writing it. And I can feel another part also reading this.

This bf didn't care about us at all. In a situation like this a persons true nature shows. Some will live in denial. Some will fight over paper. Some will hide. Some will try to manipulate the situation to their own ends. Some will go about it in a sensible and considerate manner - I'm avoiding stock piling because it's selfish, I use alcohol gel outside the home if I have to shop, I wash with soap as normal inside, nobody in this house is going to break quarentine guidelines for at least two weeks. What this ex bf has shown me is that he is a manipulator. He heard they care. He wanted back in the bed, he wanted to compromise our quarentine but still use our house, he wanted to make me feel bad because of past stuff I have zero interest in and I very much doubt his side of the story is anywhere near the truth. He's a snake, like the snake that started this virus. He will infect a person but with delusions and then work them till they just do what he wants. So after my two breif discussions with him it's best we're quarentined away from him.

I feel embarrassed to put that TV outside broken because it's so wasteful but you can't fix TVs now really. I don't feel anything else about him or this situation. I did my best and he showed his colours and made his choice.

I can't feel the others upset now. I don't think they're over it, I think they're keeping it away. It's like it moved from central in the body to over to my left and now where it was it just feels hot like the body healed it and the feeling of wanting to cry is gone. It's very odd really.

Paul said he's not surprised by the bf. When they all told him how they feel he said something like he can't see his aim but Paul knew what his aim was and he's glad I saw it too. He's a "oh there's a cake, how much can I eat person" and wanted to sway our resolve to his own advantage using emotional blackmail and our compassion. Which to me and Paul is hilarious. Firstly emotional blackmail we have a great wall of China wall against and secondly we have zero compassion for anyone who tries to get over that wall because they deserve zero compassion. He made his choice. No-one was right, he's a disappointment and he made his own bed regardless. Pat and Rose feel bad for him but again he made his choice. Even the twins tried to help him. They said nonsensical rubbish about penguins because apparently they were playing snap but that was their way of saying they care.

So I know where I stand in this quarentine. I know the drill and it fingers crossed will be ok. This virus will get out of hand if the public doesn't listen but they aren't my problem either, only inside my household is my problem. The eldest son who doesn't live here, if he gets sick I will go to him and look after him as best I can but other than that anyone outside these doors I do not care about. Sorry world but it's a pandemic, you all have good advice about it so if you're not following it then it's your problem and you're a risk to me and my household, on the side of a virus and a liability. Blessings and prayers to all the nurses and doctors and their families however.

Lilly
Monte Carlo or Bust
Rose and Patrick
Batcho and Fortune (twins), Paul and Lilly,
No-one and Peter, Beth and Karen, Mandy and Mouse plus a seperate system of fragments including: rabit and others.
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Sarandipity
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Re: Lilly

Postby Sarandipity » Sat Mar 21, 2020 1:46 pm

The problem I have is I don't see him as a bf. I see him as this guy I have to put up with because other parts must want him around. He's just a guy who's around alot. I wouldn't calm him a friend. He's the type of friend who sleeps on your sofa for months without giving you any money and then because you helped him you can't get rid of him and you feel a bit bad to get rid of him because he has nobody else or anywhere to go. He's that type of "friend" I personally haven't got anything back out of our interactions with him. He's not a conversationalist, he doesn't drink, he can do odd jobs but I rarely do any jobs around the house because it's rented so that's not even a plus. I personally get nothing out of it. So I don't care if he's about or not. The only thing I have respect on him for is he does argue with me, there's been guys who won't and just go along with whatever I say so I kind of have a Reasonable level of respect for him with that. But that gets annoying because he doesn't know what he's talking about and puts us down as people a hell of alot - which I know is low intelligence on his part so ignore it. When he trys to tell me how I feel about stuff that pisses me off but again he also has no emotional intelligence.

So I don't get anything out of it. If you're saying Lilly that he has no love or care I believe you. I don't look at him in that way, he's just a guy that's around. You would be better at seeing that. I don't take his words or actions personally because he's just a guy who sleeps on the sofa sometimes and doesn't give any money - he's irrelevant, like he says himself he's "just a dog" which it pretty much is like having a dog except he walks himself and sometimes feeds himself. But you're looking at it from a relationship and feelings perspective. You're looking at things he says in a "does he care" way. That doesn't cross my mind so if you're saying he doesn't care about us then from a relationship perspective he needs to be gone I guess. I sort of liked having him around but probably that was because he made me feel better about myself - he's worse off than me, it kinda made me feel good. Which is a bit @@@@@@@ but human I guess. I don't very often meet a man and think "ha this guy's worse off than me and I'm in a woman's body" that does not happen often. So I think that's all I was getting out of it.

Can't make someone care about us, we all know that all too well. Anyway he's left of his own free will. $#%^ I just realised Roses prophecy "he will leave of his own free will or will be here till he dies. We won't end the relationship" So he left of his own free will. I really thought he'd be here till he died and that it could be like 20 years time because these sofa surfers never leave of their own free will.
Monte Carlo or Bust
Rose and Patrick
Batcho and Fortune (twins), Paul and Lilly,
No-one and Peter, Beth and Karen, Mandy and Mouse plus a seperate system of fragments including: rabit and others.
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