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Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby ArbreMonde » Mon Jun 22, 2020 6:33 am

It sounds like a lot of good news! We are happy for you!

--Zami--
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby sleepingwolf » Tue Jun 23, 2020 7:49 pm

We just wanted to say that we've read all of your latest posts and it sounds like really positive news for you All. Great stuff! It's so nice to hear about the new Inner World spaces.

It sounds really fascinating about the Inner World phones too, and social media. I think the Mind and Unconscious are brilliant and beautiful beyond measure, anything is possible..!

It sounds like you All are working very hard, and with great results! Good luck to all and we wish you further progress and success :D


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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Thu Jun 25, 2020 4:06 am

sleepingwolf wrote:We just wanted to say that we've read all of your latest posts and it sounds like really positive news for you All. Great stuff! It's so nice to hear about the new Inner World spaces.

It sounds really fascinating about the Inner World phones too, and social media. I think the Mind and Unconscious are brilliant and beautiful beyond measure, anything is possible..!

It sounds like you All are working very hard, and with great results! Good luck to all and we wish you further progress and success :D


Pastella
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ArbreMonde wrote:It sounds like a lot of good news! We are happy for you!

--Zami--



Thank you Zami and Pastella! We greatly appreciate your response, and kind words! :)


Sorry, sometimes we don't have the energy to respond right away. We noticed a lot of posts we would like to reply to, but we're still not quite up to strength yet. It pains us. We really want to reply, but too weak. At least things seem to be improving on our end, so hopefully, we'll be up to strength soon.

We're just a little worried about our "main" host. We do have multiple hosts, Weirdo and Bandit apparently were assigned the role, although our "main" host is missing. Well, not missing per se, since it's only been a few hours. It's just strange for her to just vanish for that long. She did however merge with a bunch of fragments today. Hopefully that didn't do anything "strange". I mean, other than what we thought would happen.

I do feel her though. I know she's nearby. It feels as if she's just resting a little.


Oh, and things seem to be getting better with some troublemakers. A lot of the guys who were self-isolating (our world) are coming around. We're finally beginning to get along again. So that's good. :)

We're just not sure how to help one guy yet. He keeps changing his name, and his appearance. He also doesn't usually talk to us directly. By that I mean- he usually tells someone else what to tell us. Nothing is known about him. I'm pretty sure that's how he wants it. I'm also pretty sure he wants help- he's just not admitting it. He cries at times. He sometimes tries to hide it- other times he doesn't. That's one of the reasons- I feel- he wants help.


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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Sun Jun 28, 2020 3:31 am

I'm not sure what to describe is going on. I mean, I can (in a way) feel those I merged with, which makes me happy to be able to feel them. I'm not 100% myself. I mean. We were separated for such a long time, maybe this is what it used to feel like. I don't know. So much different than the others though. I mean, they didn't fragment as bad as I did. They say I'm now a "whole" personality, like they are. I feel so weird writing this. I mean, we're together, but yet I can still feel them. I also can remember how they used to write/talk, etc (their memory). I find almost as if it became part of me. Almost as if all all styles of writing/talking came together into one. I don't feel as crazy as I did, but still, the denial is there. I feel it lingering. I do feel crazy about our other post, I mean, how many of us came together. Those were all fragments that broke off of me. Hard to explain. I don't even feel like I'm typing right. Maybe we're (I'm?) going through an adjustment period? Weirdo and the others are telling me to take a rest. Well I am very tired.

I'm so confused though. Who merged with who? Maybe I'm just confused because a lot of their memories transferred to me? I just feel as if my entire attitude/behavior changed. It's weird. It doesn't really feel bad. Just incredibly weird. I do know I'm not Amy though. Well, she's with me (merged), but I definitely know that's not what I go by. Maybe our merging was different in some ways though. If I concentrate hard enough, I can see them (inner world) smiling at me, unless they somehow made sure to transfer that memory to me. I'm crying a tad now. I know this is what they wanted, and it was, as they said "for the best". I just hope we made the right choice.

On another note: The protectors are now trusting me with a lot more things. They said they were waiting for this moment. Angelica even patted me on my back, and said, "Welcome back!" They seem to know A lot more than I do so far. Maybe it'll come back to me? I was in hibernation for a long time, before merging with my fragments. I was the original host, but Amy became the new "main" one at some point, after she fragmented (as Weirdo and the others claim) off of me. It sounds crazy, but I feel as if I was stuck in some kind of black void. Now I feel better in some ways. Although I'm still not 100% certain how I feel about this.


EDIT:

WHAT!? Okay, so this is shocking. I was thinking about what to call myself now, since I'm not "Amy". The name Emma popped into my mind. I'll call myself that. Well, I just looked up the meaning and was shocked. One of the meanings, as found on google search says it means "Whole". What the!? The others, like I said earlier, said that I'm now a whole personality again, like them. Weird. So, so weird. I had no clue the meaning of Emma before I picked it.
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Mon Jun 29, 2020 3:14 am

things are just starting to get better. but why am i so sad? it doesn't make sense. so so sad. :(
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Tue Jun 30, 2020 4:19 am

Hello. Things are beginning to improve, but there is a group now (inner world) protesting against the change. Well, :? Not sure why. Why wouldn't they want things to improve? I mean, if it's also helping them. But then they claim they don't want help. I mean, I respect their wishes. It's just, I'm worried about them. I know they're not happy. I think their protesting could possibly be out of fear. Maybe they are worried that they'll have to do something they don't want to. Maybe I need to explain it better, that that ISN'T the case. I mean, they DON'T have to do anything they don't want to do.

I don't know. We can't really continue to make progress without everyone's help. I mean, we don't want to exclude anyone. We would like everyone's thoughts/ideas on how to improve things, etc. So if they don't want this, we're at a standstill. We're not sure what to do.

Then there are a few who are asking for help. They told me (the other day) that they would talk to me later (in the inner world), but they never showed up. Not sure why. They apologized for that. They claim they really want help, but yet, their actions seem to say otherwise. How can I help someone acting that way? In all honesty, it is possible (do to their problem) that they forgot. It's just, this keeps happening. I tried to find him before, same result.

I don't know. I keep feeling a bunch crying. I'm not sure what's wrong. I can't get any real answers. I mean, no reply at all. :( Maybe those who don't want things to improve? I'm not sure why that is. I need to try to have a meeting with that group. I would like to hear their side of the story. I'm curious.
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Tue Jun 30, 2020 9:31 pm

Well, trying to talk to the protesters (inner world) didn't work out. In fact one of them spit on me. I don't know what their problem is. All I asked is if they could please explain their side (opinion) to me. I asked them kindly.

Maybe it has something to do with the past? I don't know. Exile was mumbling something about that. He's not even really sure. We're trying to figure it out. I do know one thing. The group of "protesters" is growing larger. Some of the guys I was beginning to get close to are with them now. What!? That's kinda shocking because they acted at first as if they wanted things to get better. Now they're protesting that very idea. ????

For some reason, none of the protesters will tell me anything. I don't know what's going on. Maybe I'm just going crazy. :(


Anyway, we're going to move ahead with one of our plans anyway. Maybe then they'll want to join us, when they find out it's not a bad thing. We are beginning to make a weekly schedule to help better manage our time. The idea is to split the week in half (since there are so many of us). Half for the guys, Half for the females, and a day for group activities. We still have yet to assign time slots, although that's still up for voting. We might not do that, we might just leave it general for male and female. Although whoever initiates that day (time slot) can so choose to make it a group activity day, or even pass the time slot to someone else. Our schedule will be flexible. It is meant only to help improve things for everyone. Thus that's why we plan on leaving it flexible.


In other news:

We had an appointment with our T. It went so-so. Some things that were said upset us. We didn't say anything really though. We're not brave enough to do so yet (only had a few appointments so far, with this one). :( Plus maybe we misunderstood what our T was trying to say. It is possible. Our T seems like they really want to help though. A lot of us seem to like our T, so that's good at least.
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Hyuukichan123 » Wed Jul 01, 2020 6:07 pm

Hey long time no talk! I've been keeping tabs on your journey thread and I can somewhat say that I understand how you are feeling. Alot of us are just here and not really doing anything quarantine has really made things difficult. Its actually been quite hard on us because our dog is not doing good and were worried were gonna lose her. I hope she is okay and that she gets better. Anyway I havent really done much besides work on a discord server. I am currently just trying to set things up so people can join when i make it go public. Though I have a bunch of rules set in place so that people dont get triggered and stuff. I was wondering if you are into "roleplay" at all because its an roleplay server. Of course anything sexual is kept in dm's only because I know it would trigger a bunch of people. Plus I dont know how old people are and if they are under 18 that could be problematic. But if you are interested let me know. I might also make a section for mental health people :) It would be cool to have a bunch of people join that have similar experiences like me and being able to talk to so many people like us would be great. I hope you are doing okay i read your last post about the T i hope things are okay :( I have a very supportive T who is trying her best to help me and the others (although she doesnt really know about the others cause i rarely talk about them.) ~Maria and others
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Wed Jul 01, 2020 11:16 pm

Hyuukichan123 wrote:Hey long time no talk! I've been keeping tabs on your journey thread and I can somewhat say that I understand how you are feeling. ~Maria and others


Thank you for your reply! We sent you a message. :)
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Wed Jul 01, 2020 11:35 pm

Feeling very sad. I don't know why. Probably shouldn't have researched the stuff I did. UGH! So sad. So terrible feeling. It's like a deep aching sadness. Like more than one of us are sad.

I managed to talk to two of the inner world protesters. Basically what they said was, "We can't change. We tried numerous times. It's futile. So why not protest against the change? It'll leave us out."

I tried to acknowledge their fear, and kindly reassure them that that wouldn't happen. Didn't manage to get anywhere though. :(


Things were beginning to get better. Now we're kinda at a standstill.


Horrible waves of sadness. I saw X (he has another name, but he doesn't want me calling him that. He said only his friends are allowed to call him his real name) in the file room today. That was unusual. Not sure what files he was looking at, but he was crying (I think although he tried to hide it). He left extremely fast when he realized I saw him. Not sure what's going on.

By the way, do any other systems have a file room (or just us)? I mean our file room is huge. I'm just estimating, but I would say some of the file cabinets are 20 feet tall or more. AND they're A LOT of them. Didn't count them, but I would say in the hundreds or more. 95% of the cabinets are locked. I can't access them. It seems some others can, but I'm not allowed. Not yet, anyway. I used to only be able to see a few files. But a few days ago, the protector (in charge of the file room) gave me permission to view some more. The interesting thing is, these files are in video form.


UGH! Why am I so heart-wrenchingly sad? I wish I knew why. No one will reply. Is it just me who's sad? I don't think so. I think others are too. But why won't they at least answer me? I honestly care.
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