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Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Sun Jun 14, 2020 5:01 pm

The inner world was dark again last night. It seems to be a common pattern now. I can see my inner friends.....despite a little fogginess........in the morning/afternoon....the building isn't that clear either. At night......I can't see anything really......unless......sometimes I can see my inner world cell phone.....or at least one of the troublemakers......crystal clear.

I did get a slight glimpse of the "main" building this morning. It looks like maybe someone is in the process of completely remodeling it. I mean.....COMPLETELY. The parking lot outside is different too. I noticed someone paved it (it used to be loose rocks)......plus it's A LOT bigger. I also noticed a basketball court. Maybe this is the reason for the sudden darkness? Maybe it's supposed to be a surprise. I don't know. This building was remodeled before.....but never this much.

I still have a feeling like the shadow world is going to merge with the "main" inner world though. A lot of the shadow worlders have been hanging out over here lately. I do know that their world used to be part of the "main" years ago. They were the ones who literally isolated theirselves from us. Maybe they're trying to reunite.
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Sun Jun 14, 2020 5:18 pm

That all sounds very positive, Ponyta. I'm glad to hear the darkness might just be for a good surprise.
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Tue Jun 16, 2020 8:46 pm

TheGangsAllHere wrote:That all sounds very positive, Ponyta. I'm glad to hear the darkness might just be for a good surprise.



Thank you! :)
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Wed Jun 17, 2020 6:15 pm

Well this is strange. I keep getting issues with feeling like someone new is here. I have no clue who it is. All I know is I keep feeling this strange feeling. Very hard to describe. Our host feels it too at times. Even some more of us do. It's similar to brain fog but yet so much worse. It feels really strange almost like falling into a deep trance. Our eyes tend to stop blinking and just a blank stare. The one affected feels like they can't think although it is possible at least with me it is.

I tried asking who's there but no one answers. I don't know what it feels like really. I just sometimes get a really strange feeling like a piece of paper is the most fascinating thing ever and just want to stare at it. Not just to stare but to think how beautiful it is. Not just paper but sometimes the walls or floor too. Now that sounds beyond crazy. I shouldn't type that. Now I feel crazy like our host does.

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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby MakersDozn » Wed Jun 17, 2020 9:00 pm

Hi, Ann. Nice to meet you.

We hope that you find some clarity soon.

MDs
Multiple self-dxed 1996. Body 58f. System of 47: 42 ♀, 5 ♂; 17 littles (7+under), 9 middles (8-11), 14 teens (12-17+), 5 bigs (18+up), + a formless yin/yang. Oldest member is 25.

Notable: Charity 25, Deborah 23, Drew 23f, Mary 23, Rachel 23, Laura 17.5, Allegra 17, Cass 17, shawn 16f.
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Thu Jun 18, 2020 1:50 am

Thank you MDs.....for your kind words to Ann! It is greatly appreciated! :)

---------------------------------
I read the last post on here (By us). Honestly though......I'm not even sure who Ann is yet. I find it interesting that they know who I am though. I'll have to look into this. I'll try contacting Ann later. Hopefully I can meet them.....and we can be friends. :)

I also find it interesting that Ann feels the same way I do.....at times.

I did manage to figure out who is behind that feeling..... today......at least he thinks he's the one causing the feeling......although he said it's not intentional. He claims he only wants to talk to me......but every time he comes over.....he makes me "sick" (his words). Which.....if it is him (like he thinks)......that's true that it is a horrible feeling.....BUT I still would like to talk to you. Please.....if you read this.....I still would like to talk to you. Now for some reason.....my eyes are watering a little (tears maybe?) I know he's deeply hurting. I really wish to try to help him.

Maybe the others feel this way too......because maybe he's trying to contact the others as well? I feel like he doesn't want his name posted.....so....I'm not posting it (at least for now. I mean.....until he tells me it's alright).

It was hard to figure out who it was......because he refused to say anything at all to me.....I guess he was maybe scared? Maybe not.......but I don't know for sure. The only reason I managed to figure out who it was......was because he told our mom (in the Outer world)......and then she passed the message on to me. Then once I got the message.....he actually said a few things (to me).....and left.

Our mom......told me that another one talked to her today as well. Some young girl. Flower knows who she is. She's supposedly from the same area as her. Interesting....but then now the denial is beginning to kick in again. UGH!

Why do I keep having these denial feelings? I know they're there......but yet the denial keeps making me feel awful. It's crazy......one second I'll be like "Okay. I know I have DID. I'm perfectly fine with knowing this now."........next second "Ahhhh! I'm losing my mind. What is going on? Was it truly this bad (our trauma)? Why are there so many of us? I'm totally losing it. Why am I doing this?"......then it goes back eventually to "I'm okay with this." I don't know why this cycle keeps happening. It's awful though. :(
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Thu Jun 18, 2020 9:47 pm

NEW problem

Well.....I typed a long entry (talking about a new issue)......but I deleted it. Mainly because I'm experiencing bad denial right now.


Trigger Warning
Inner world teenage daughter problems, troublemaker (inner world dating)


To sum it up as brief as possible. I have a teenage daughter....16.... (in our inner world).....she has siblings (but that's a different story). Anyway......she just met a troublemaker....17.... in our inner world. She claims she really likes him. He claims he really likes her.......BUT I know first-hand how bad a troublemaker he is. His nickname even is "Heartbreaker". He earned that nickname.....by his reputation (in the inner world).

I found out that she was talking to him....through her inner world cellphone. I had no choice but to take her phone. She's mad at me. She said something horribly mean.....which she tried to take back.....but it really hurt me. She did apologize for saying that though. I just hope she understands that the only reason.....I'm doing what I'm doing......is for her own protection.

I just don't know what to do. Both Bandit and I are at a loss. We don't want to ruin our relationship with her......but at the same time.....we don't want her to get hurt. I also know that we can't rightfully force her to listen to us. Plus we don't want to do that. We just want her to understand why we're concerned (that it's out of love).

This whole issue is literally breaking my heart.....which I had a realization that maybe that's what this guy is trying to do.

End trigger



UGH! This is a whole new mess. Why can't we just have peace for once? :( I was happy that I.... finally ....was actually beginning to make a little progress with Garrett. Now this. I don't know why Slade did this. He's the one who brought Heartbreaker over here.....to begin with. Both of them aren't from the "main" inner world......but another area all together.
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Sat Jun 20, 2020 3:28 am

I wanted to mention that......I think I was wrong regarding my last entry. Maybe that guy (troublemaker) is a lot nicer after all......well.....first..... I did congratulate him for doing what I thought he was trying to do (in a sincere way.....and in front of a bunch of other troublemakers). That made him smile.....so maybe he was trying to do that (What I did obviously made him happy)........but then I managed to have a good talk with him later.

Maybe that's why he was so nice to me today. Bandit also talked to him later....after I did (I was present). He might not be so bad after all. He just needs help.....like all of us do. Hopefully I was wrong.

He's talking a lot to me since yesterday.....and nicely (for a change). Maybe he is serious about what he said. I have some trust issues though.....so I'm still leery about him though.



As for Garrett......I'm not sure where he went. I was actually beginning to make some progress with him too. I'm worried about him. I hope he's okay.
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Sun Jun 21, 2020 1:56 am

Okay......yes.....I do think I was wrong about this guy (Heartbreaker). He seems to be changing. He doesn't want anyone to call him by that name anymore.......so I've been trying to help spread the word. The only reason I mentioned it a second ago.....was to document who I'm referring to. He's funny about having his real name mentioned online (his nickname.... on the other-hand is fine)....so......not sure how else to document. I have been calling him by his preferred name....... ever since he requested that.

Weirdo knows this guy. A bunch of the guys do too. They know how bad a troublemaker he "was". His reputation is well known. Weirdo claims that it shocked him that the guy is giving up his nickname.....just like that. He said......"I know that guy. He wouldn't just do that......unless he truly is trying to change. He loved that name. He was proud of it." So....yeah....even Weirdo thinks he's trying to change. I hope so.

Well.....not everyone seems to enjoy that guy's company. One of my inner friends was really mean to the guy today. Something happened between them before......I'm not sure what......but my friend wasn't happy to see him. Basically it resulted in the guy running away (I felt a horrible wave of sadness....and I almost began crying myself). My friend felt awful about that. He didn't mean to make him cry. In my friend's defense.....he has major trust issues. He is a nice guy.....but like all of us.....he does have issues (majorly.....like I said.....with trust). I ran after the guy. Weirdo took over while I was trying to comfort the guy. He told me that he really appreciated that. He asked for some time alone.....so I left.

My friend was trying to apologize to him. My friend feels awful about the whole situation......mainly because he really is a nice guy. Hopefully they can make up. I don't want both of them to be sad.....which I know will be the case.....if they don't. I'm honestly not sure where they are right now. They both were in the main building......but.....I don't think they are any more. Hopefully they're alright. I feel like they are.....at least.
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Mon Jun 22, 2020 1:09 am

Well.....they still haven't showed up yet. That's unusual for both my inner world friend.....and the other guy (being he was coming around a lot lately). I'm not really worried yet.....though.....because I have a feeling they are alright. I feel maybe they are trying to forgive each other. I might give them a call.....or text them later....just to check......but like I said.....I feel they are alright.

As for the inner world.....it is still dark and somewhat blurry at places......BUT I can tell that they are indeed renovating A LOT of stuff. Someone did tell me....... that they don't want me to be able to see everything...... until it's finished. I guess the renovated areas.... that I can see.....are finished? It's looking really good. :)

(Mainly a question.....for the others.....in our inner world).......I'm just curious.... what triggered all these renovations? I would like to help with something too. That is.....if any of you would like.

It's looking so much nicer than it was. A lot more areas in the "main" building..... for us to spend time together.......and A LOT more room for everyone. This is cool. I did notice a lot of the Shadow worlders were helping so......I think they are prepping to unite with us. More rooms are being added to the "main" building. I noticed a few were added on my end of the hallway. That's cool. :) I wonder who's room is going to be right next to mine. I see Bandit has a few new rooms added beside his too. His room is still directly across from mine. It's interesting..... how the building is expanding.
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