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Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Mon Jan 25, 2021 4:17 am

Thank you Uriel and Snaga! We greatly appreciate it! :)
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Mon Jan 25, 2021 4:38 am

A few of us are co-con. Someone is extremely sad. None of us know who it is yet. We always thought it was coming from Blue, but we're not as sure about that now. It does in a way feel like her sadness, but oh so much stronger. It might be Doom, but nothing's really known about him yet. All we know is he loves terrorizing me (Emma).

The sadness right now is beyond horrible. It feels like impending doom. Maybe that's one of the reasons why he's called "Doom". Oh, how horrible this feeling is. He's here. I know it now. Doom is lingering in the corner of our lobby (inner world). He's scarier looking than ever. Plus the aura coming off of him is BEYOND horrifying. It triggers a feeling of intense fear in me. I feel as if I'm going to scream. It feels worse than being in a nightmare.

We don't know if he got scarier because some merged with him, or what. Those who merged with him had a lot of problems their-self. It is known that we've been having merges (Not permanent) on and off over the years to help each other out. We don't know though. Usually those temporary merges help, NOT make the person worse. He's scarier than ever. Plus stronger than ever too.


Trigger Warning


He wants to throw me in the dungeon, which I know is possible. I don't understand why. He acts like he wants revenge on me, by doing that, but I had nothing to do with him being trapped in a different realm. He wants to trap me there. He's not targeting the ones who put him there (and he knows who they are). So why he is targeting me is unknown. It must be something more than he said. I have no clue why though.
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Snaga » Mon Jan 25, 2021 5:50 am

Hugs!
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Tell someone you love them today, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also terrifying and confusing.

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Let it go.
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Tue Jan 26, 2021 12:39 am

Snaga wrote:Hugs!


Thank you! :)
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Wed Jan 27, 2021 1:21 am

Inner world is now extremely blurry again, but yet I can still see the scary guy (crystal clear). He's not alone.

How do you deal with shadow creatures?

They don't talk (as far as I know), and they seem to have no emotions whatsoever. They don't even seem to respond to anything I say. I'm not even sure what they are. In fact, they could just be shadows that are taking form. Bright concentrated light causes them to "dissolve", only to reappear minutes later, but yet sunlight doesn't faze them.

They just love terrorizing me. I don't understand. What did I do? Why are they so "mad" at me? I really don't understand. Please tell me why (Message directed towards them, if they see it). I've been asking inside, but no one still has been able to answer that. Plus they (shadow creatures) won't tell me. The scary guy can talk, but even he won't tell me. He acts like I already know why, but I don't. He won't listen to me.
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Wed Jan 27, 2021 5:06 am

Hi, our host. Did you find the light stone yet? Jaguar has it. One piece. Other piece is guarded by snake. Last piece is deep in jungle. It is buried. Must have both to find it. Then you can solve shadow problem. You no need my name. I will say I live in jungle, but that is all you need to know. Watch out. Jaguar doesn't like intruders. You must win her trust. Where she is is up to you to find. She roams.
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Mon Feb 01, 2021 10:33 pm

Ponyta wrote:Hi, our host. Did you find the light stone yet? Jaguar has it. One piece. Other piece is guarded by snake. Last piece is deep in jungle. It is buried. Must have both to find it. Then you can solve shadow problem. You no need my name. I will say I live in jungle, but that is all you need to know. Watch out. Jaguar doesn't like intruders. You must win her trust. Where she is is up to you to find. She roams.


Ooooookay. Um, thank you to whoever wrote that (in our system). I'm not sure who you are, sorry, but thanks for telling me that. I just noticed you had that wrote here. If you see this, could you please talk to me more? I have a few questions for you, if you don't mind. If you prefer not to though, that's fine. Thank you again!


---------------------------

I was feeling a little better last night (honestly not sure why, I think it was someone else who was happy, and I was feeling a tad of their happiness), BUT now someone is really sad again. We're also dissociating a lot again today. We weren't as much yesterday. I don't know what is wrong. We have been getting headaches (REALLY BAD ones) every day again though. UGH! :(

Oh, and don't get me started about the dreams I've been having. I don't know what is up with them. Inner world is acting weird. Sometimes I can see crystal clear, like last night, BUT today and a lot of other days, it's been extremely blurry to not being able to see anything at all.

I do know something is going on with it. Last time I couldn't see that good, was because it was rearranging, BUT that only lasted several days, NOT several months. Hopefully everything is alright.

Oh, and I keep hearing someone say this every now and then, "The heart stone is regaining its power." WHAT!? I'm not sure what that means. I take that as a good thing, BUT who knows. I have no clue. Hopefully that's a good thing anyway. Being it keeps being said though might not be good?

I have no clue who says that. It's strange. The voice sounds way different than how I hear any of my personalities, and it's extremely hard to explain. I hear it inside, but it's in a way that's majorly different. It sounds almost like it's spoke right into my ear in the inner world, but yet, I see no one. And yet even though it sounds like it's in my ear, I feel as if the voice is coming from inside my body, inside the inner world (my inner world body).

Unless, this is going to sound crazy, but maybe the rock (looked similar to a kyber crystal from Star Wars) I ate in the inner world, is talking to me? It did talk to me before. I have no clue why I ate it, but it told me to, and I couldn't help myself for some crazy reason (I was in my dragon form). One of my inner friends saw me do that and gave me a really strange look. It actually gave me heartburn for a few hours (even though that happened in the inner world). I don't know. Our inner world seems to be really crazy at times.
There are A LOT of us: 140+.

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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Tue Feb 02, 2021 9:48 pm

Dissociating worse than ever again. Very floaty and I feel like the room is moving. Our sleep tracker said we got 10 hours of sleep last night, but I feel that is COMPLETELY wrong. I feel like I didn't sleep at all. Then again, when dissociation is so bad, often feel very tired. Ugh! I keep spelling stuff wrong, I had to use spell check. :( Can't see into inner wrold that great rigt now. UGH! Still spelling wrong. whatever dotn feel like corection it. I think I'm going to switch now. I feel like I'm falling inside. not srue how to decsribe.
There are A LOT of us: 140+.

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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby ArbreMonde » Wed Feb 03, 2021 8:30 am

& I hope it's getting better and you managed to anchor yourself into the physical world!

& Sending moral support anyway!

__
Urielle
Multiple system Dx autistic, depression, c-PTSD...

he/him | she/her | they/them

Active system members {this is a sub-system}:
oOo van Hohenheim | oTo Trisha | & Urielle {~ Theia|# Uriel} | - X (also answers to: Solomon, David, Scar) | // Ulysses | ♥ Lust | {Pride|Wrath} | -- {Zami}

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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Fri Feb 12, 2021 5:12 am

Thanks Urielle. :)


<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
We wish we could say we were doing better but that's not the case. Our T is sick, and now we can't see our T for this month. Even if we could we are dissociating worse than ever. Talking just isn't really going to happen. We're way too out of it. Way too spacey.

Not just our host. Me too. All of us. And what is up with our host calling us the wrong name lately. Like she'll be talking to us, me for example, call me the right name originally, then like 5 minutes later call me something totally different. Like for example my name is J. She be like "Hey J. How are you doing?" I answer her. Tell her not good. Then she might say, "I'm sorry to hear that David." Like really? Is her dissociation that bad? I tell her and then she's like I'm sorry. She says my name right again, only to mess it up in next sentence (with some other guy's name).

Something is really going on lately. We all aren't doing good dissociation wise, but our host REALLY isn't doing good. It's really bad how she can't even talk to us lately. Without a whole list of random problems going on. I'm not the only one she calls the wrong name either. She like spaces big time when trying to talk to us. :roll:

Any ideas how to fix this? Thanks.

~J
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