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Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Tue May 12, 2020 3:54 am

UGH! Just don't know how to get over the whole paranoia thing. We should try contacting our T. A bunch of us want to....but a lot of us feel we shouldn't. I could go into a bunch of reasons why....but then it would probably need a trigger warning....plus I just don't feel like going into the details right now. I'll just say......they are worried that what they say will be used against us in some shape or form. They feel it is a lot easier for that to happen via video chat. Also.....I have a lingering feeling like something happened in the past......regarding the phone/or even online chat....if so....that is a major reason why they're against it. Blaze..... almost let something slip out about that before....so......that feeling is probably right. Plus.....I'm not the only one who feels crazy lately.

Like why am I even writing right now? Someone just asked me that. I don't even know why. I feel awful. I think we are gaining weight which is upsetting me and a lot of the others. We want to lose weight....not gain any more. A lot of us are so stressed that we haven't been ourselves. We just sit around doing pretty much nothing....like our gardener and our crafter for example. Well at least the video gamers are having some fun. Not even sure why our crafter is so depressed. Right now would be a great time for her to come out and make her beautiful crafts.......BUT.....she doesn't want to. I see why our gardener is upset. The garden stores are closed....and she doesn't have stuff stockpiled to use in our/her gardens. The crafter.....on the other hand....has some craft stuff she bought before the whole virus thing began. She was all happy to make stuff.....but now is too depressed to even come around.

I think though it has to do with what Weirdo said earlier about the 19th. We are still very upset about that.
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby sleepingwolf » Tue May 12, 2020 7:58 pm

We just wanted to send a message of wellbeing and support, and hope that you all are doing ok. It seems like a stressful time, and crafts sure sound like a good idea! We hope you can all find some rest, as well as feel ok and grounded through this tough time for yourselves.

We had a thought, about your crafts... Well, its something we only just learnt for ourselves. Its that for Us some activities need a certain 'vibe', like a certain mood or feeling, for them to work. Some activities are good at relieving stress, or expressing emotions, or comforting and healing...and others are more light and just plain fun! For Us, crafts is one just for fun. We can't do it, and don't want to, when we're stressed, emotional or distressed. It just doesn't work for Us! Crafts for Us is a sign that we are happy, chilled and just relaxing...and then we're like, 'oohh, lets do some craft'. Maybe its a bit like that for you all too?

Don't be too hard on yourselves anyways. :D

Wishing you all the very best!


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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Fri May 15, 2020 7:36 pm

Thank you Gothika! We appreciate your kind words. :)
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Fri May 15, 2020 7:49 pm

We are doing HORRIBLE. :( So sad and depressed.....too weak to do anything. Don't have any motivation. The video gamers even admit that they are depressed. The game..... they seemed to love playing...... apparently is driving them crazy now. As in.....they can't stand playing it....but for some reason they still do.

We have tons of things that need done....but none of us can seem to find the energy.... (motivation) to do anything. Our T never even bothered to check on us.....despite not hearing from us. We feel they could at least have called.....or even emailed us. Sigh. Have absolutely NO clue when they will reopen....if ever. :(

The inner world is blurrier than ever. Everyone is isolating now.....it seems.....unless......I'm totally being blocked now or something. UGH! That is making me even MORE SAD. :(
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Sat May 16, 2020 3:46 am

ok....so there is some "wall guy" who is doing their best to block me. He claims he doesn't have a name. He calls himself "Wall Guy". Just noticed that he was mentioned in an earlier post on the 11th.

Anyway.....he doesn't like me. He is causing inner turmoil for me.....mainly by blocking me.....(although he is very mean internally as well). He also recently teamed up with someone who apparently used to be a protector. He was demoted due to something he did. He also doesn't like me. I'll just use his first initial. It's "S".

"S" blames me for what he did.....although I know for a fact that it wasn't my fault. If it was......I would admit it.....but I know for 100% certainty.

As for the "Wall Guy".......regarding the issue with him (Wall Guy).....I managed to figure out what happened. He told me. I admitted that was my fault....because with "Wall Guy" it was my fault.

Both refuse to talk to me peacefully. I tried to solve the issues.....but so far I'm getting nowhere. I don't know why we have those who keep acting this way.

It seems like once we finally solve a problem with some troublemaker......more keep showing up. Some acting even worse than the "first". It's like the bad behavior just jumps to someone else.

What is wrong with us? Did our trauma mess us up more than we realize? I don't understand. Maybe I'm just losing it. Maybe I'm just making everything up. Lying to myself. Maybe I just totally lost it. Maybe I am just crazy. :(


I feel completely crazy saying that more are showing up......but yet the inner world is so blurry I have a hard time seeing anyone. It doesn't make sense.....yet I'm able to see them despite the blurriness. Why would I be able to see them.....some crystal clear.....but yet my inner friends are so blurry? This is causing me extreme distress......and the troublemakers know it. I think it's a new tactic these ones are using against me. :(

And there I feel crazy again. :( Then again.....maybe they also are trying to make me feel crazy. UGH!
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Sun May 17, 2020 1:30 am

Well if this isn't just wonderful. (Sarcastic)

We accidentally threw our back out today. It hurts incredibly bad. Hopefully it'll be better by tomorrow, because we don't want to risk going to the doctor. Plus half the doctors in our area only want to do video chat, which we are against. I don't know what's worse. :|

At least there's some good news.

The protectors are working together (from the different worlds), a lot more and better now. They are holding a meeting. Supposedly they may allow some of the others to help them as well. Possible promotion. The two troublemakers haven't bothered "Amy" today yet, which is another good thing. Then again, a lot of the protectors have been searching for those guys. No wonder they didn't bother her.
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby ArbreMonde » Sun May 17, 2020 10:29 am

~Is a good thing the inside interactions are being better for you now!

~Go protectors!

*\(^v^)/*

~Is me being cheerleader for your protectors to do nice job!

~Love and support and care!

~Theia~
Multiple system Dx autistic, depression, c-PTSD...

They/them: --Zami--
He/him: -X- or -David- | oOo van H. oOo | //Ulysses// | °Isaïa° | ((Wolf)) | {Envy} | #Uriel# | {Wrath} | .....
She/her: ~Theia~ | oOo Mrs. H. oOo | *Reyna* | ♥Lust♥ | .....

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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby sleepingwolf » Tue May 19, 2020 7:58 pm

We just wanted to wish you all the very best and let you know we hear you and wish all of you the best right now!

It sounds like you all are making progress and some good and positive things are happening, even if there are some real challenges too.

Things will improve, things will change, there is goodness and awesomeness out there!

Sending peaceful and positive vibes your way...


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Postby Ponyta » Mon May 25, 2020 4:10 am

Thank you.....Theia and Gothika! :) We greatly appreciate your kind words!


---------------------------------------------------


Right now.....I'm not 100% feeling right in the head. I feel as if I'm just barely here. If what i type doesn't make sense.....sorry. I feel so weird. feel detached from my arms, legs, whole body. Head feels numb. feel very floaty. can't concentrate too good. I do know some more are here.....I mean others. I think its just me that feels this way. Now I don't even know what I was trying to say.

Things are both good....and bad. Well.....some things seem to be improving slightly. Others not so much. feel crazy. last time i felt this way was when troublemakers were really messing with me. Well......this is probably why. Haveing problems. UGH! I'm just going to let the spelling the way it is. Way too not feeling good to fix it. I don't even feel like I'm "talking" (writing) right.

Too weak. must sum up. I feel crazy that more showed up. some causing problems. UGH. Why do I feel so horrible right now. I feel as if I go sleep.

Who just wrote this? I'm feeling confused myself now. I think the problem is that way too many are showing up at once now. Wow! I just wrote the names of all the new ones who are showing up at the same time. Over 17 were counted, and those are just the ones who we know their name. I think we're having problems with switching today. I'm losing my grip. Definitely feel like we're going to switch.

you didn't count me. I'm not on your list. :(


Hey- I'm going to conclude our entry now. Something is going on with "random" (it appears to be random) switching. We're working on solving these problems with switching/etc. They're right regarding too many appearing at once. I'm not sure what's going on with the sudden influx of people and even "animals" (hope that's a correct term. Please forgive me if it's not. We literally have highly intelligent wolves and a hawk that just showed up). It's hard to keep track of all the new ones. We're trying our best to make them feel welcome- but we do unfortunately make mistakes. We're sorry about that.
I'm aware of at least two who are causing the most problems right now (troublemakers). They extremely dislike "Amy". I'm working with the other protectors to try to find a solution. Between helping the new ones- and solving problems with the troublemakers- we have our hands full right now.

-Weirdo
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby ArbreMonde » Mon May 25, 2020 11:39 am

Good luck with this important and difficult task. We are sending moral support your way.

-David-
Multiple system Dx autistic, depression, c-PTSD...

They/them: --Zami--
He/him: -X- or -David- | oOo van H. oOo | //Ulysses// | °Isaïa° | ((Wolf)) | {Envy} | #Uriel# | {Wrath} | .....
She/her: ~Theia~ | oOo Mrs. H. oOo | *Reyna* | ♥Lust♥ | .....

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