Our partner

Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Dissociative Identity Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: Johnny-Jack

Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby ArbreMonde » Fri Aug 14, 2020 7:13 am

I am just APPALED at your T. It makes my mind into a "Blue screen of death" (that thing computer have when they are really messed up).

I'm just horrified. Plain horrified. I'm sorry for you that your T told you all these things.

Tons of moral support!

--Zami--
Multiple system Dx autistic, depression, c-PTSD...

he/him | she/her | they/them

Active system members: oOo van Hohenheim | oTo Trisha | & Urielle | - X | // Ulysses | ♥ Lust | Sub-system: {Pride|Wrath} | ?? Zami ??

Journey thread
User avatar
ArbreMonde
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 552
Joined: Fri Sep 06, 2019 2:28 pm
Local time: Sun Nov 29, 2020 5:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Sat Aug 15, 2020 2:20 am

Thank you --Zami--! We greatly appreciate your kind words! It really means a lot to us. :)

--------------
How we are right now:

Well, we aren't so good. I mean, we're kinda relieved, but at the same time "triggered". We officially told this T that we want to cancel our upcoming appointments. We explained the reasoning why yet again to her. Instead of even trying to do anything to make us change our minds, this T just really, really upset us even more than we already were due to her.

A few of us are here. A lot of us are very angry. Our now ex-therapist, still wouldn't even bother to listen to us. Basically told us the same ridiculous stuff about not wanting help, etc.. Even the worst stuff she said before about our inner world. Would not even bother to hear anything we were trying to say. In fact, even said something that the protectors found insulting. Ridiculous! Just completely ridiculous. Our blood was boiling after talking to her about canceling.

I made a realization why. How she wasn't listening to us, was very similar to an element of our past trauma. So in other words, it was almost like we were being re-traumatized by her. No wonder we're all very upset lately. We've been trying to calm down, but it's very hard. We are STILL very upset about what she said. More upset that she STILL refused to listen to us. We're so upset we all could scream. UGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

Going to watch some funny youtube videos. Hopefully that'll help take our minds off of her. We're still looking for a new T, but we're kinda leery now. Still though, we hope we can find a better one soon. We've been checking around. We did get some recommendations, from the nearest place on that isst-d.org site, so hopefully (when those call us back) we'll be able to get a better T. Hopefully anyway.
There are A LOT of us: 140+.

Emma (host)
User avatar
Ponyta
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1031
Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2018 2:50 am
Local time: Sun Nov 29, 2020 12:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Sat Aug 15, 2020 4:41 am

Bad thing is, we try to distract ourselves from thinking about our now Ex-therapist, but it's still not working. Why can't we seem to calm down? UGH! Still extremely upset.

Don't know what to do. Was distracted for a while, but the second we stopped watching funny videos, we went right back to being upset. UGH!

Can't even focus really on anything without thinking about her. All it's doing is making us even more mad. She didn't have to go and say what she did. It really has us upset, and she even knew it upset us.

UGGGGGHHHHHH! So incredibly upset. Plus someone is also sad now. I don't know why. Probably because we were really triggered by her. Probably also why our distraction isn't helping. A LOT of us were triggered at once. We all probably need to try to relax together, and the thing is, a lot isolate theirself when upset. So I don't know what to do. It seems this is going to take awhile.

I feel like I don't even really know who I am right now. I thought I was Emma, but so many of us are upset, and a lot are nearby. The rest, I have no idea where they went. I can only guess that Blaze went to his room (because he went there every other time he was upset). But I'm not 100% sure. I'm pretty sure that the one who is really upset (crying inside) is a little.

The inner world is incredibly blurry. I feel I must try to help cheer the others up, but right now I'm not sure how. Mainly because I'm so upset myself. Like some of the others said, this whole situation is a huge mess right now.

I feel really bad though because my job (which I discovered recently) isn't just the "main" host, but a peacekeeper as well. With this many of us upset at once, plus even myself being upset, I don't know what to do. I wish I knew how to cheer them up. But how do you cheer someone up when you're upset yourself? :(
There are A LOT of us: 140+.

Emma (host)
User avatar
Ponyta
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1031
Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2018 2:50 am
Local time: Sun Nov 29, 2020 12:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Sat Aug 15, 2020 5:45 pm

Still upset. UGH! Plus some are very sad now, not just one of us. Very spacey too. Feeling horrible. :(
There are A LOT of us: 140+.

Emma (host)
User avatar
Ponyta
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1031
Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2018 2:50 am
Local time: Sun Nov 29, 2020 12:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby SeveralCrows » Sun Aug 16, 2020 2:20 am

Hi Ponyta system!

We're really sorry about what happened with your ex-T. That's completely awful. We had a bad departure from our ex-T too, though from the sound of it not as bad as this. It's really understandable that you have a lot of strong feelings about it.

The goal isn't always to not feel your bad feelings. I know that probably sounds silly in a DID/OSDD-1 group, since a major part of our disorder is avoidance, but it might be that you can't stop thinking about it because you all need to think about it and feel about it to process it, so you can let this go and move on.

Sometimes when there are really strong, overwhelming feelings in our system, it helps for whoever is fronting or most aware to say to the rest that they know how upset everyone else is and that it's okay they're sad or angry or whatever feelings about the situation. Because it is okay! The one fronting affirms the feelings and encourages the feelings to be felt the whole way through. Usually for us that results in feeling some things very intensely, but then the feelings hitting a maximum point and then getting smaller and resolving somewhat. There is sometimes another rise and fall in the feelings again later, but it is usually less intense with each time around.

If it doesn't get less intense, or it isn't a good time, the front will affirm the feelings and say that we're going to focus on something else for a little while and that we can return to the feelings later.

No matter what, the feelings are there and they aren't just going to disappear just because you don't want them. You feel really upset because it was a really upsetting situation! Most feelings don't last forever, even if it seems like they will, and this might be a situation where you need to only visit the feelings in short bursts right now and that is okay. Having feelings isn't a bad thing. Sometimes you just need to feel sad for a little bit so you can move on to the next thing.

-a little crow
33F Human Body - Dx'd System of 22+ parts.
System currently being reconfigured. Please stand by.
User avatar
SeveralCrows
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 249
Joined: Sun Aug 05, 2018 12:12 am
Local time: Sun Nov 29, 2020 11:27 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby MakersDozn » Tue Aug 18, 2020 7:33 pm

Hi Ponyta folks,

Good for you for firing the T. You did what you needed to do to take care of yourselves.

Sending you encouragement.

MDs
Multiple self-dxed 1996. Body 58f. System of 47: 42 ♀, 5 ♂; 17 littles (7+under), 9 middles (8-11), 14 teens (12-17+), 5 bigs (18+up), + a formless yin/yang. Oldest member is 25.

Notable: Charity 25, Deborah 23, Drew 23f, Mary 23, Rachel 23, Laura 17.5, Allegra 17, Cass 17, shawn 16f.
Blog | Our Story | Journey
User avatar
MakersDozn
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 4161
Joined: Tue Nov 18, 2014 4:31 pm
Local time: Sun Nov 29, 2020 11:27 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Tue Aug 25, 2020 4:42 am

Thank you a little crow, and MDs! We greatly appreciate the advice and kind words! :)

Sorry we haven't been on here much lately. Sorry it took so long to reply. We aren't doing so good lately. Was going to reply a few days ago, but something held us back. New ones are showing up now, but yet we knew about them for awhile, just didn't see them yet. Well now they're coming over.

Thoughts pop into my mind that are causing me agony (thoughts that are really upsetting). I know they are doing that just to upset me (based on how they're acting). BUT I'm not sure who is causing the thoughts yet.

Can't get a new T. The ones either don't take our insurance, are way too far away, or booked full/not taking new patients. There is one, but they are so booked full that they said it'll take at least until February (6 months) to get in. UGH! Hoping we can get an earlier appointment. We're on their wait list, but way too long. :(

So sad. Feel as if I'm losing my mind, but yet this whole tearing my mind apart (due to the thoughts) really is conflicting with the denial feeling right now. Why do they torment me so? They know it's really upsetting me. Then again, they basically told me that that is the point.


Oh, and someone is scared of a picture of a stuffed teddy bear. That was random knowledge that I discovered today. We (Weirdo and I) were checking our email. There was a teddy bear in the email, I don't know why, I suppose to be cute (to maybe help cheer up those who got the email. It was a newsletter) Anyway, some young one saw it and screamed. It actually scared us. It sounded like a girl. She apparently became co-con with us. Weirdo doesn't even know who she was, or where she went. But she saw the bear twice, and screamed twice. The second time was an accident too. We didn't know a second email would have a picture of the same bear (but a different angle). We had about 4 other newsletters (haven't been keeping up with that email lately), but we deleted them after the first 2. Didn't want to risk that happening a third time. Plus the newsletters were boring. Don't know why we signed up for them in the first place.

I honestly don't understand what was so scary about that bear. I'm curious. I literally felt her heart jump when she saw it. So did Weirdo. Bad thing is, neither of us know who she is, or where she went. She could be from a completely different area. A lot of the new guys are from a "new" area. "New" because not much is known about it. I'm wondering if it was just the way it looked. I mean, Mary has a bunch of teddy bears in our room. She loves them. Hopefully those don't scare this girl. Then again that email teddy bear had a totally different appearance. Probably best though to try to avoid the others though, for now.

I'm going to try to figure out who she is tonight, unless of course the other guys (new ones) interfere. Yeah, I just realized they are waiting on me. UGH! I mean, I want to help them. It's just I already asked them kindly to please wait until I'm able to help them. I told them that I already promised others that I would help them first. These new ones are basically demanding that I forget that, and help them first. So UGH! I don't know what to do.

If I help them first, then the others probably will be mad at me. I already got side-tracked how many times. They already waited so long as it was. If I ask for more time, then they really are going to be upset. These new guys just got here. It's not fair at all to the others (especially how long they already were waiting. I feel terrible about that.) I need to help those I promised first. I just wish these new guys would understand.


Haven't been getting good enough sleep. Been very tired lately. One day we were having what seemed to be out of control switching (due MAINLY to only getting 3 hours of sleep). Some nights it takes hours to fall asleep, or we manage to fall asleep (but keep waking up). Bad dreams too, a lot of nights. I don't know what in the world is up with some of them. It literally feels as if I'm taking to new insiders. Ones I never met yet. If that is true, then wow. I don't know what to say. Bad denial. I can't believe there are so many of us. That fact makes me feel really crazy.
There are A LOT of us: 140+.

Emma (host)
User avatar
Ponyta
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1031
Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2018 2:50 am
Local time: Sun Nov 29, 2020 12:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Thu Sep 03, 2020 5:16 am

We are NOT doing good at all. Feel awful. Dissociating worse than ever (at least I think that's what's happening). Don't even feel as if I can type this right now. Our brain feels like mush. What is wrong with us? Worse than ever. Still waiting on a new T (the one we found is booked full), still can't get an appointment yet. UGH! So horribly "sick". Not sure why we're so horribly spacey. It's such an awful feeling. Far worse than we ever felt before.

None of us know what is wrong. I keep getting irritable. EXTREMELY Irritable. Worse than before, at times. I hate that feeling. New ones have been coming over though. It could be them broadcasting their feelings. I don't know. All I know is that ALL of us (well maybe for the littles) are having horrible feelings. It almost feels as if our brain fell asleep or something. It feels like it won't work. We feel EXTREMELY numb at times. We don't even know what's wrong. If someone asks us how we feel, we have no clue how to answer that. Nor do we know what is bothering us.

It used to only be me that got feeelings like this. UGH! I keep having to retype. Something with my spelling is not working well. I think I swith soon. so blurry. Got to go. Just wanted to say not doing good.
There are A LOT of us: 140+.

Emma (host)
User avatar
Ponyta
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1031
Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2018 2:50 am
Local time: Sun Nov 29, 2020 12:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby ArbreMonde » Thu Sep 03, 2020 6:05 am

A lot of support! We have a lot of switching and dissociation here too. Not fun. :( So we can relate.

@ Saul @
Multiple system Dx autistic, depression, c-PTSD...

he/him | she/her | they/them

Active system members: oOo van Hohenheim | oTo Trisha | & Urielle | - X | // Ulysses | ♥ Lust | Sub-system: {Pride|Wrath} | ?? Zami ??

Journey thread
User avatar
ArbreMonde
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 552
Joined: Fri Sep 06, 2019 2:28 pm
Local time: Sun Nov 29, 2020 5:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby MakersDozn » Fri Sep 04, 2020 12:46 am

Sending our support as well.

MDs
Multiple self-dxed 1996. Body 58f. System of 47: 42 ♀, 5 ♂; 17 littles (7+under), 9 middles (8-11), 14 teens (12-17+), 5 bigs (18+up), + a formless yin/yang. Oldest member is 25.

Notable: Charity 25, Deborah 23, Drew 23f, Mary 23, Rachel 23, Laura 17.5, Allegra 17, Cass 17, shawn 16f.
Blog | Our Story | Journey
User avatar
MakersDozn
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 4161
Joined: Tue Nov 18, 2014 4:31 pm
Local time: Sun Nov 29, 2020 11:27 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

PreviousNext

Return to Dissociative Identity Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Zor and 38 guests